iLulu · @iluluhd
4th Mar 2023 from TwitLonger
Starting March 18th, I'm going on hiatus.
Hello! ❤️ 🌻
Starting March 18th, I'm going on hiatus.
It’s hard for me to write this, as it makes me feel extremely vulnerable to bring my worries into light. Nonetheless, you deserve to know why I am making the decision to fully pause my activities. This has not been easy, and have been an accumulation of uneasy thoughts gathered for months.
Ever since 2021, I have been experiencing a significant decline in my mental wellness. I have low self esteem issues and contrary to some beliefs, extremely timid. This has worsened throughout my time streaming and had manifested through most of my recent actions. I feel that I’ve lost the ability to love and appreciate myself, and in effect, lost the ability to love and appreciate everyone and everything around me. I believe that I am not qualified to bring happiness to others when I’m unable to produce it myself. I have tried to push through these uncertain feelings, hoping that I can solve this issue without sacrifices. But I’ve come to realize that may not be the case anymore.
One other reason is that I’m pursuing a higher degree in my field of work. This has been way overdue and I don’t believe I’ll be able to successfully juggle working, streaming, and studying all together. This also includes making sure I have enough time for self care, friends, and sleep. Hopefully in time, I will be able to organize myself well enough to be active again way before finishing my studies.
I truly believe that this is the best way to improve myself and to take a step closer to my main goal; to be kind. I’ve lost my path in pursuit for popularity and short term successes. Now realizing this, I’ve chosen to put Lulu aside to focus on important matters in my life. In the end, what is best for me, is what is best for those close to my heart.
To everyone that has stuck by me during our silly misadventures these past few years, months, weeks, and days. Thank you for the memories. It’s not over yet, but the future is grey. I’m optimistic that someday I’ll come back to you soon, so we can smile together again. Despite making my decision, I cannot help but feel immense heartbreak. I will really miss you.
P.S Thanks to my good friend and recent editor, Nami Sakana, video highlights will still be posted regularly through Youtube (Until we run out of old clips that is). I will still try to be active in VRC, I enjoy being with friends too much!!
tldr: dog brain being bad boy, take time off to be good boy again.