aaron_rp · @aaronrpttv
16th Aug 2022 from TwitLonger
rp ruined my life
RP has ruined my life, and I cant stop doing it. Im not going to stop, either.
I joined nopixel over THREE years ago in april of 2019. I was happily married, had two beautiful children, and had just been promoted at my job that I loved. Everything was going great. Fast forward to today: Im single, alone, in a city im unfamiliar with, with no friends, family or really much social interaction at all. I was fired and was forced to take a much lower paying job to survive. I went from living in a huge two story 3-year-old house to a crappy one-bedroom apartment built in the 50s. There's no better way to describe my current living situation other than "ruined".
When I joined nopixel, I began to replace real-world interactions with real-world people with fake ones in a video game. Ive averaged 12 hours a day, every day, since I got prio over three years ago and do so still to this day. I would escape from reality into a virtual world that has sucked me in and dug its claws so deep into me I can see my inevitable destruction and embrace it. I let my marriage fall apart, I failed at my job duties leading to my termination, and I let all of my friendships crumble.
Not only did rp ruin my life but it keeps me from rebuilding. Why would I go and try to meet new friends when I already have fake friends in RP? Why would I go and try to find romance when I can date someone in RP? Why try hard at my job and be successful when I can be successful in RP? Im replacing the real, genuine human interactions with those in a video game. The people im friends with in RP might be friendly with me outside of the game but we arnt truly friends in the traditional sense. The people my character has romantic feelings for arnt real, the players have no romantic interest in me outside of the game. The money and things my character owns are just pixels, 1's and 0's, they mean nothing outside of the game.
And you know what? I dont really care. Im unsure if its apathy or selfloathing or something in between, but I genuinely am fine with this. Ive accepted that the closest thing I have to friendship is just a fake, hollow facade, that the romantic interests are just roleplaying a character and unlike me have real-world flesh and blood relationships with real people. There is no world where these artificial cut-outs evolve into something real and tangible, thats now how it works. My characters car isnt going to suddenly be waiting for me outside, my character's girlfriend isnt going to show up at my house with chinese takeout and watch a movie with me. My character's friends arnt going to show up to help me move or sit around drinking beer over a game of D&D. By chasing the fleeting feeling of interaction through an unhealthy medium ive completely replaced all genuine connections with empty shells.
This isnt a dig at my fellow roleplayers, either. Theyre doing what theyre supposed to do: PLAYING A CHARACTER. It's not THEIR fault ive replaced my real life with a fake one. This is on me, not them. If anything, my ability to replace my life with the one created by the roleplay community is just a testament to how amazing these people truly are.
This isnt a cry for help, or some kind of guilt trip for other roleplayers for them to "reach out" outside the game. I only typed this up because I found myself thinking about it earlier today and solidifying my thoughts into something coherent and writing it down is an effective form of self-therapy for me. I do this with music as well, but I feel like a song over this subject wouldn't quite hit the mark.
Anyways, I just loaded back into the server and im going to pretend like I have friends and stuff. See you all later.