This is not how I thought my, I guess body, reveal would go, however there are some things I want to adress.
On the 24th of june the supreme court made the decision to overturn roe vs wade, removing the womens right to abortion. This rocked me to my core, the utter lack of action from any democratic lawmakers or even the president to combat the rising facism from the right had enraged and crushed me.
I ended up venting in two servers, my own server and a different server that I won't name. I got incredibly heated, in my own server I blamed alright influencers for Trump getting into office to elect the justices. One of the moderators tried to talk me down however I ended up lashing out at them. I said that they had no place to tell me how to feel because they lived in Australia & to stay out of it. This ended up going into a full blown argument, with us going back and forth in increasing hostility until I transferred server ownership to the other moderator Jack Septin and abandoned the server.
On the other server it was much less aggressive however I was in the wrong nonetheless. This was a light hearted server where we made jokes and art & I vented about something very upsetting to a lot of people, in the general chat no less. A few people tried to lighten the situation with jokes, however I only worsened the mood by reacting with hostility. When the owner of the server, Mr. Blue tried to talk me down, I ignored him & in my emotional state I ditched the server.
These were happening at the same time and these both severely affected my mind state. I was incredibly paranoid that all of my rights would be taken away from me. That I would be forced into either male subservience or homelessness, & I broke down. I deactivated and privatized all of my socials, and left them, with the intent to quit art altogether. It so far is the lowest moment of my life.
So if I quit everything, then why am I back? Well after I initially purged my social I began to feel some guilt, I had abandoned my entire audience on every platform & dumped a server on a moderator who had no idea what was happening & abandoned the other server after becoming close to a lot of them with no real warning. It felt wrong, however this is another point where I did something wrong. Instead of talking to the owner of the other server on my main server, I made an alternate account & pretended to be a different person. I still wanted to check in with the server but I was afraid to return properly. But after some time and a shower I caved & confessed. I told them that I was sorry for how I had acted earlier.
However, I'm here to Properly address and apologize for what happened. First I want to apologize to my audience who I left in the dark, it wasn't fair to abandon all of you for no proper reason. Now for the people I directly hurt.
To Angelo, I am sorry for the way I treated you that day. It was completely unacceptable & not at all the proper conduct for a server admin. Me being in a bad head space does not at all excuse the blatantly harmful & toxic behavior I displayed that day.
To Jack Septin, I am incredibly sorry for dropping the server all on your shoulders with no warning. It was not at all fair & I can only imagine how stressful it was to have been given responsibility over the entire server when I ditched it. If you chose to delete the server then I do not blame & I give you full permission. In regards to discord, I will not be remaking the public server, at least not for a long time.
To Mr. Blue, I want to sincerely apologize, not only for abandoning the team but also for trying to sneak back in under a different name. It doesn't matter if I did not have any malicious intent, I should have been honest first.
To the other members of the server I want to deeply apologize for ditching the server with no warning, especially Darkstar. It was cruel to abandon all of you during an episode only I was having.
If you don’t feel comfortable with me coming back then I completely understand, I imagine It hurt for me to leave you all on such a sour note.
As for now, I am going to be taking a sudo-hiatus from making videos, mainly to focus on other projects as well as college. I will still make an effort to upload however It will be alot more sparse than before.
I cannot expect to be welcomed back with open arms, so all I can do Is try to be more cautious with my emotions and how I conduct myself. For now, I am signing off

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