Hey all, I know this announcement might come as a surprise to a lot of people, but it’s been something I’ve been thinking about for a few months now. I’ll be making a Youtube video about this topic later where I’ll go over the whole experience and some fun moments, but just wanted to make sure a few things are clear so there is no speculation or anything!
To keep things short, the reason I’m leaving is: I am not as happy competing and haven’t been in a bit. People meme about playing video games for a job, but it’s incredibly demanding and at times can be quite gruesome. The first year of the team I had played 8 hours a day or scrims and review, then streamed for 4+ more hours because I really wanted to make content. But I also wanted to “catch up” to the other players who had been playing tac fps since they were babies and decided that playing the game constantly would be the way to do that.
I think it’s obvious where this goes, working obsessively over 70 hours a week was destroying my mental health and motivation as time went on until eventually I got very sick of playing. I also feel like because of this, I was plateauing as a player and not making any improvements which just made me feel worse and added further mental deterioration. At that point I started to look towards leaving the team because I feel like it would be unfair to my teammates if I was coasting, they deserve someone who is going to give 100%. I’m confident they’ll be picking up a cracked player and will continue to dominate and eventually take down big teams.
I fully believe in C9 White, love us or hate us you can’t deny we impacted the way people look at women in gaming. The fact that we were able to win against reputable teams proves that it is possible for women's teams to win against coordinated men's teams, and I fully believe in the future we will see more teams like C9 White winning tournaments. I’m so incredibly proud to be part of the one of the best women's teams of all time. We were 4x champions of game changers with like what, 1 map dropped out of 100’s? Despite our losses, we took down big teams and got them scrimbux. Like holy shit, I couldn’t imagine joining any other team and having as much fun.
Super blessed to have my cracked teammates: Mel, Lexi, Jazzy, Kat, I’ll miss y’all a ton and I’ll be screaming your names when you pop off just like old times. Also shoutout to the staff, Moon, Noukky, Lindsey were incredibly kind to me and it feels good knowing C9 White is in good hands (especially with picking up Xotek). Trying to keep this short, but in my video I'll def be talking about some good memories we had ;)
For my future plans, I’m going to stream under C9 and do the things I love to do, which is streaming variety games and creating entertaining content while I improve my physical and mental health. I have short term goals and long term goals that involve me creating, I want to make high production youtube videos and films one day, psychedelic music, collaborative content, I’m currently designing clothing and merchandise that I’m releasing soon, lots of things to keep me busy for a couple years at least. I’m not quitting valorant completely, I still want to be involved in the esport but more from a spectator role rather than a competitor, because I still love the game and most of the people in it are pretty dope, best casters and production crew out of every esport forsure. While there was targeted toxicity I recieved, I’d say the majority of the community/pros have been chill towards me and I appreciate it a ton, gl with the grind.
Thank you to everyone who supported me or cheered for me, your positive messages kept me moving. I hope you enjoy the art that I will create. Bless you all and happy pride month.