maru 📚🐭 || Retro VTuber · @maroony_ch
21st Nov 2021 from TwitLonger
1 week health break.
hello!
i'm going to just cut to the chase here: physically, i haven't been doing very well these past few weeks. you could probably tell if you've been watching my streams; very frequent cancelations and constantly ending earlier than i usually do... it's not good.
i do not want to get too into my personal life and i do not want anyone to needlessly worry about me, but... to be frank... last night, i ended stream early due to a sudden onset of severe pain that sent me to the ER (i'm sorry for being dishonest on stream. i just didn't want anyone to worry too much about me). i made it back home late today and have spent this time reflecting on the past few weeks.
i think... i am a bit stuck in a loop of getting sick and stressing myself out and then just getting sicker. i continuously force myself to put on a brave face for stream and just stick through any physical pains, but... it's really not working. i keep growing frustrated with myself. i want to keep streaming, but my body won't let me. i can feel myself becoming hypercritical of my content and stressing myself out even more, which is... not helping the healing process whatsoever.
i'm so sorry everyone. i feel like a bit of a letdown to be honest... i feel terrible about this decision to take a break, but i think it's the right thing. it feels like stream quality is suffering more and more and i feel so guilty. i want my content to make people happy, i want my content to be a form of escapism from as much of the negativity of life as it possibly can be, but i can't offer that space when i'm becoming a ball of negativity due to my physical ailments.
plus, i don't want my streams to be as lazy as they have felt for the past few weeks. my community is so, so supportive of me. i am so appreciative of the warmth so many people show to me. it's not fair to any of you to be fed lackadaisical, dull content. so... i will give my full attention to sorting out my health issues. then, i can give my full attention to coming back as the strongest, silliest mouse everyone knows!
tl;dr: having a physical body sucks! i'm taking a 1 week long break because i'm a silly mouse who doesn't realize forcing herself through her problems will just make them worse!