Ster · @SterLovesFood
31st Aug 2021 from TwitLonger
Arcadum
If you are unsure what this is about: https://www.reddit.com/r/cadum/comments/pez3oy/arcadum_twitch_streamer_facing_allegations_of/
I hate that I have to write this, but I think a lot of people will want to hear from me on the matter. I've been friends with Arcadum since before the beginning of his rise on twitch and done what I can to help him along his way. I've played in more of his games than anyone else and he is grateful for all that I've done to help him achieve success. I'm somewhat torn between being there to support him and make sure he can make it through this okay, but also being far too familiar with the behavior several other twitlongers have described. Supporting him feels like becoming part of his statistical analysis on how many people he can keep close solely for his own preservation.
When something dramatic happens in Arcadum's life, he would occasionally speak to me for advice or emotional support -- not unlike how others have described this situation, but with the twist that I'm not a woman. I was, however, aware that I was not the only person he'd go to for emotional support when he needed it. It seemed like he would make the rounds, one by one, go through the people he knew who he could talk to and have the same conversations with all of them in order to collect enough pity to momentarily feel better. I knew many of these people seemed to be women - something I was naïve enough to infer was because women may have just been easier and more receptive to talk about these problems with.
So...now...I'm left with what was actually said and done when talking to those other people.
I'm shocked to see how these similar conversations have a darker lining when they were had with women he was attracted to and financially supporting. I think it is very brave for them to speak up, because I now fully understand how hard that can be. I know how hard he can be to confront. I have tried at times to have very simple conversations with him that confront some of his unrelated behavior which he immediately amps up to 100% pity - to the point where it is not worth engaging with any further. I once brought up how his reactions while DMing a D&D a game can cause a player to stop asking questions or encourage them to not bring up things they cared about because he would be incredulous at the idea that the player is accusing him of forgetting something (which often was the case, and players brought things up less and less because of said reactions). He went to 100%. He said he should just stop running games and deserves nothing due to this slip up. He capped it off with a group of messages that are quite poetic to this situation with hindsight:
https://i.imgur.com/S1VbNFH.png
I really wanted to see him work through this and not need so much validation, but it was an uphill battle. When seeking comfort for something his girlfriend had done, he neglected to mention all that he has done. I have been manipulated into comforting him for things he has knowingly instigated along with many other people as he goes one by one tailoring the story to each person -- all while leaving out the details that implicate him, which might actually have lead to any form of self reflection and improvement. And now...you need my support, again? Because 'some girl is going to be making up stories' about you?? You had a larger support network than anyone I've ever known by a massive margin. You were shown the most profound empathy by so many people and it has never been enough. I've often caught myself feeling envious of how easily people are drawn into your charismatic circle fueled by your need for sympathy and their willingness to publicly give it in order to keep you stable and content enough to keep going. I never liked it, but I hoped you'd work through these issues after enough reassurance. I hoped that one day, you'd fully accept and internalize all this positivity that has been generously dumped on you by so many people. Accept yourself, your life, your circumstances, and all the people who believed in you.
What you've actually done with all that good will is absurd, all while acting like you had nobody on your side. You have so many people who were willing to help and listen, but you confused love and compassion with sex. You are still the arrogant person from your past that you hate. You are arrogant now to believe editing discord messages in hindsight will do you any good. You are arrogant to think people didn't notice what you were doing. We all saw one piece of the puzzle, but haven't managed to put them together until now because we had faith in you (and you actively made sure people did not share puzzle pieces). I have always seen the subtlety of your manipulation, but I thought it was harmless. I can't support you this time, but I still hope you get better on your own. I'm sorry for everyone who this has effected.