RemiTheSiren · @RemiTheSiren
31st Aug 2021 from TwitLonger
Personal experience with Arcadum
Hey, just gonna try to keep this as short as possible. Despite sitting on these thoughts for a very long time, I never really put so much though into what I'd write here. I knew shortly after everything I detail out here happened that a day like this would come but I really really didn't think it would happen so soon.
Just as a foreword: I don't have a lot of screenshots to post because Arcadum was INSISTENT that we talk primarily in voice chats or in VR, which I assume now was likely to stall something like this happening.
I have roleplayed a lot in a couple communities, primarily Purple Lotus in VR and NoPixel in GTA RP. Both of these places are where I had sort of met Arcadum from since a lot of mutual friends passed through these channels. Eventually as the start of Callous Row season 2 drew near I was watching some of Arcadums streams to see what it was about. He recognized me in chat and asked if I was looking to join and of course I was ecstatic. To join an Arcadum RP? Hell yeah, I was all about it. We had sent back and forth dm's about the roleplay a bit and on occasion we'd have some personal words when either of us was having a tough day. From here on though things started to go in an odd direction and I excused a lot of actions as someone going through a hard time.
It first started when Arcadum told me that he was having relationship issues with his long term girlfriend and that he was starting to feel awful being around her in the same house. That she was abusive physically and mentally to him among many other things. Naturally after hearing his many stories about things like 'paying for winrar' and thinking he was a human incapable of putting someone in an awful position I just took him at his word. He made some romantic advances but I made it clear that I wasn't into men and I brushed off his attempts as aforementioned, someone in a dark place just looking for some comfort.
After about a week of Arcadum making some advances on me and being made uncomfortable by it I tried to keep steering the conversations towards D&D and Callous Row so I could still be there as a friend and chat with him about something I was more comfortable talking about him with. During one of our voice calls he was sharing his screen and reviewing a vod of the OTV friends game while we chatted about D&D. At one point almost out of nowhere he showed me his twitch creator dashboard, it felt EXTREMELY awkward and like he was trying to make me more interested in him based on how much he was making. It went further on to him saying he might have a spot for me in a D&D game which I also felt was probably just me being lured in but hey, I guess it worked.
Another day passes and he asks me if I wanna come hang out in VR so I agree especially since there's a couple other people around. Arcadum talks more about his money, and while we're hanging out describes sending huge amounts of money in real time to some of his friends while we're all hanging out. Felt pretty awkward but... I brushed it off.
Another warning: Things from here get slightly graphic so....
Not more than a couple days after the last encounter everything reached it's pinnacle. I had pretty much kept everything to myself and kept trying to convince myself Arcadum was a genuinely good guy and this was just his confusion and him needing someone around while he went through a rough time. He asked if we could hang out again and I said sure so we start up a voice call. Starts off normal and we're talking about my Callous Row character. At some point after some prodding he started talking about how the whole situation makes him feel like less of a man and it's really getting him sexually frustrated. He tells me he can't really focus because he feels like he needs to get off. I kinda skirt around the topic and basically just tell him I feel bad for him and try to move on but he's really pushing the subject. He asked me if I was okay with him masturbating while he was in a call with me and if I could help him.
I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable but... things added up. Feeling pressured and like he was holding money and a spot in a D&D game over my head, wanting to genuinely be there for someone I thought cared about being my friend, not knowing how to say no in the moment because of how overwhelmingly awkward it felt. I agreed to let him do it. It was extremely painful for me and beyond awkward because of the combination of just the situation and my sexuality. I really had no idea what to do. And yet he pushed even further. He was asking me to help him out which I told him I wasn't really comfortable with but after some pressuring I agreed to "meet in the middle" and screen share a nsfw picture of myself in the voice call thinking that it would be safer because at the very least he wouldn't be able to download the picture and keep it/use it for himself.
Once he finished himself off he said he was tired and just kinda wrapped up our voice call.
He also stopped talking to me pretty much entirely after this.
I still feel extremely awkward and sad everytime I see his name mentioned, every time my friends use his name, every time someone spams his emotes in my chat, having to see him in Callous Row. It doesn't end. I feel the shame and sadness from these encounters almost daily and I really don't know if there will be a day I don't.
I'm open to any questions, and to any of the others posting about this, I'm here if you need a place to vent or relate.
Well. That's it gamers. Thanks if you made it this far I suppose.
-RemiTheSiren