There are few things I need to address.
Recently I commented on twitter regarding misogyny in gaming, specifically Hearthstone. In turn, the history of my own discord server has been brought to light. In my discord, conversations among particular members occurred that were disrespectful towards individuals. Looking back, there was more I could have done to prevent this behaviour. It is not something I'm proud of. I take full responsibility for allowing this to occur by not speaking up.
Over the last few years, I have made a conscious effort to try to change things, and improve the culture of my community, with certain people being banned and much stricter moderation. I will continue to try harder and work towards a community that reflects my personal values towards women in gaming.
Another topic that has been raised is my previous hostility towards Pathra. I was indeed jealous. This was purely because we were in competition for the same "creator spot" in Grandmasters in 2019. This had absolutely nothing to do with gender or our relationship. Pathra and I both had a similar small, yet growing streaming community. Being chosen for the "creator" spot in GM would be huge for either of us professionally. As Pathra was ultimately invited, I felt disappointed in myself. I took this out on Pathra and my bitterness carried over to the people who supported me. Looking back, I should have been more supportive and happy for her as the first female grandmaster, this is a huge achievement and a culmination of years of hard work for her. I know Pathra copped a lot of hate in her time as GM and my discord was no doubt a part of the toxic conversation that tried to discredit her achievements and credentials. I let my frustration cloud my own judgement. For this I am sorry, and I still am responsible for not doing something about the hatred that she received.
Overall, I should have done more to hold my community accountable all these years. I am a hypocrite for not standing by my values and changing my community for the better. My community should be a reflection of me and something that I am proud of. I let things slide when they should not have. Being silent is part of the problem. I will take a step back for a few days and make an effort to both moderate and educate my community.