Some Opinions / Small Break [ PLEASE READ ]

Before I start off on this long post, I just wanna say I’ll be taking a week long break from here starting today till 3/13 ( this month ). I will be checking the app for important DM’s and commissions but that is it, I will not be posting. I will also not be doing any owed artwork or debut prep for the following week. I will only be taking time for myself and my own needs. Now to get into why I’m taking a break, I plan to be brutally honest and you may not like some opinions of mine, so I apologize if you don’t :

This community has been a wonderful opportunity for me and will continue to for sure be. It allows me to do what I’ve been wanting to do for years, while getting to showcase my art much more !! The first few months being in this community was smooth sailing and wonderful. I felt so encouraged, so welcomed etc.
Within the last two months I have felt that slip away incredibly. I feel over pressured and unwanted by a decent portion of this community ( the vtuber community, not my fanbase !! ).

This community has become nothing but arguing and superiority, what makes you a “real vtuber”, etc.
“Debut culture is stupid why debut” or “when are you going to just debut already” “you’re not a vtuber without a debut”
“You aren’t a real vtuber if you _____” “____ just makes you a pngtuber” etc
“Just make content already” or if you do “you’re not a vtuber you’re just a pngtuber” etc

On top of that there is CONSTANT debate on the whole “predebut” junk which you all know I’ve spoken plenty about. You don’t stream before debut and people bitch. You stream before you debut and people pressure you to debut and say you’re not a vtuber without a png and bitch. There’s no winning.
Oh your voice “doesn’t match your model”? Not valid apparently ( which is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard, grow up ).
I could go on for paragraphs about how no matter what you do here someone finds a way to harass and/or bitch to you. It’s miserable.

This community is hands down the most insufferable impatient community I have ever been in in my YEARS of being heavily involved in fandoms and communities online. Every other artistic community I’ve been in I’ve been welcomed with patience and full support. I have never felt this rushed, overworked, pressured and felt I had to meet everyone’s standards in any community like this before.

And don’t get me wrong, I do still have wonderful support here as well, from a portion of this community. As all fandoms do, each community has a “bad side”. Some more than others. This community has become very clear that it is MUCH more than others. Just a reminder when I say this, like I mentioned earlier, this has NOTHING TO DO WITH MY FANBASE !!! I love you all so much and I’m incredibly grateful for you guys. This is about the rest of the community that acts this way. Now continuing :

A friendly reminder that you are not entitled to rush or demand content from a creator. Don’t like the pace I’m going at with my debut ?? Don’t like the content I’m pumping out ?? Want me to go faster ?? Cry about it. I am working at the pace that is healthiest for me, especially as a person with a mental disability and mental health struggles.
Welcome to the internet, where there is this lovely option to hit unfollow or block if someone isn’t “good enough for you” or if you don’t like them. I am NOT obligated to meet YOUR PERSONAL STANDARDS for my content, debut, etc.

Now to add, I know some of you may say “why care about a debut, why not just png stream?” :
My debut is for MY OWN personal satisfaction. My OWN personal happiness. I have MY OWN STANDARDS I wish to meet for MYSELF. I am not debuting because “well everyone does it and it is what makes you a vtuber”. A debut does NOT make you a “real vtuber”. I have my own personal reasons for my debut I shouldn’t even have to go into to feel validated or understood. How a creator wishes to make their progress is not up to you to decide, it is not your standards we have to meet. Is is OURS.

As much as I tell myself constantly “why do I care about other people’s standards for my own growth” and “don’t care about others opinions”, constant harassment and opinions build up. I feel afraid to just post every day because I’m afraid I’m not meeting expectations. I can’t do anything for myself without feeling guilty because I’m “not working fast enough”. I have been in a horrible depressive episode as a result of the last two months, making it even harder to work. I struggle to work already, and constant pressure makes it worse, and it becomes a vicious cycle. It’s why for the last week I haven’t gone to bed till 2am+ because I feel like if I don’t even attempt to work I don’t deserve it. It is to a point where this community’s pressure and harassment has not only hindered my growth with my debut, but hindering my own health. Mentally and physically. Due to my lack of sleep I’ve been taking constant naps all day every day, barely able to function, forgetting to eat because I try and get too involved in my work. Etc.

It is not ok, and this is why I’m putting my foot down and getting the fuck off this app for a week to care for myself. There are a LOT more things behind the scenes that have happened in regards to these constant issues you all don’t even see or know about, because making it public would only make it worse.

Just because you don’t see things doesn’t mean they don’t happen. Just because you don’t see progress doesn’t mean it isn’t being made. Stop making baseless opinions on creators and their progress from an outside view, you know NOTHING about us.

And with that being said, I’m out. I could type for hours to be honest, because I’m incredibly frustrated. I will be taking care of myself and not doing ANY WORK this following week. I am only doing art for myself and taking care of myself till I return on the 13th. Thank you for understanding, and see you then.

And for those of you who have stuck around and supported me through this all, I love you so much and words cannot describe how thankful I am for your support. Thank you for being here. ❤︎

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