Don't fall in love with a streamer. This is scary.
This is... really hard to write. I will not be naming names here. I am going to be as short as possible, just know there are 246 pages that I couldn't even stomach through. I will warn you now, this is long.
Let's start here.
I've been on Twitch since 2014. I have had a community member apart of my stream for a majority of those years. Community member has always been kind in chat, showed up when they could, and always seemed like a chill dude. I always appreciated that. Recently, there have been outbursts, subtweets, and what seemed to be a general misunderstanding of a lot of things. To speed things up, I got a DM from said person on Discord saying that they liked me but know that it's not mutual and that it was hard to deal with and that 'there were some dots connect that shouldn't have been'. Well.. he's correct. I responded 'I’m not sure what dots you have connected. I’m just a little stressed out from the whole situation because I’m not sure what I’ve done to get you to this situation. I just stream and enjoy the community and have a good time. I’m sorry that you have come to develop these feelings.'.
This is where shit gets scary.
I go live a bit after I sent the response. A few hours into stream, I am informed that there is a blog about me that's been going on for about 5 years of him being 'deeply delusional' about me. I wasn't ready for what I was about to read. I only made it to page 55 before I felt physically ill multiple times.
The posts. I don't even know where to start. There are roughly 250 pages.
Let's summarize. (sorry if there are any weird awkward pauses where things don't make sense, this is honestly really hard to write). I clearly cannot post about all ~250 pages or you'd be here forever. He addresses me as Nico, Twitch Crush, and Vegas in these posts.
-This person watched many of my streams and took anything I said in any general context and made it about him. 'Connecting dots' in ways where if I wore a shirt that he had general interest in, he thought I wore it for him. He even states in a post 'I am not sure that NASA shirt was a coincidence'. Idk man, I just like outer space and the shirt is cute? It even got as far as me wearing a shirt that said 'eat a dick', that he explains to be slightly annoying and partial deserved. Dude, I only wore it because it had a poorly drawn squirtle on it.
-There is a blog post about them 'trying to think of things I do before stream' which would result in me not DM'ing them back.
-One post he states that he tells one of his friends that it's official between the two of us and that it feels 'surreal' and that it's all in his mind. This one was the fucking scariest for me. Another post starts off by saying 'i thought you were dating'. and he has the audacity to answer 'are we not?'.
-He brings up my friends MANY times throughout the posts. It's mindblowing to even have them be involved. He has a post about if one of my friends is mad at him. He has another post wondering if one has ever thought about dating him because she talks about being single a lot. He even makes a post directly naming a friend saying that he wants to date her.
-To summarize a lot of the posts, he talks about calling me his girlfriend. There are posts stating that I am his girlfriend (?), that he wants to know what it's like to call me his girlfriend, how to ask a Twitch streamer out, and even has a post where he says he has a dream about someone putting a ring on him, and that it was the 'person who moved to Vegas'. That was one of the times I physically felt ill.
-Another concerning post: he straight up says that he was down right obsessed with his Twitch crush. He goes on about how our communication methods don't match. Let's be honest.. of course they don't. Because there are no reasons that they need to. I'm not dating you. At all. You are a community member. How do I owe you that much conversation outside stream?
-He has many posts where he gets extremely angry at me for not having the same interests and hobbies as he does. How the fuck is that my fault? I'm not here to cater you. I am here to be my own person. The amount of anger into obsession into love is so deeply concerning. He also calls me toxic MANY times because I don't feed into his love. He says he expected apologies from me when I had no idea I even had to apologize.
-He calls me an alcoholic a few times throughout posts. I already can fucking admit that I drank a lot on stream because we are in a pandemic and to be completely fucking honest, I was having a blast. FOR MY OWN REASONS, I decided to take a break from it (probably another dot he connected to thinking it was for him). These reasons had nothing to do with him. So selfish.
-He has a situation where he goes all the way back to a time I went to a Brand New concert in 2017. I went ALONE and met up with people there. One being a friend from college, and one was a mod in my channel. To be completely fucking honest, we all got our own tickets and went to the show on our own. He posts this in a chat form with an abbreviated name so I have no idea who he is actually talking to. They go on to dissect the situation that I just posted as a 'I know this mod likes her, I've met him, don't take it personally she was trying to be polite'. I was just hanging out at a concert with a friend. We got tickets on our own. No need to dissect that.
(if you are still here, thank you, I warned you that this is long.)
-He took me being nice to my Twitch chat as me being nice to him directly. He took every single thing I said and dissected it on stream in this blog. He wanted me to treat him like a friend. I literally only ever talked to this person in chat. He says we have a toxic relationship and argues and fights with himself in hundreds of posts when I have only had the most casual of casual conversation with him. There are points where he says that he thinks that this was something that turned out to be toxic because we couldn't communicate on the same level and that he's 'infatuated and OBSESSED.' He is creating this entire story in his head based off of shit I say to my stream when I am broadcasting.
-This stems back to previous relationships I was in. He has multiple posts trying to figure out who I am dating, compares himself to them, and tries to always state that I am or was leading him on. When I tell you that this person and I barely ever spoke outside of stream, I mean it. The delusion is incredible. Hanging out in my stream does not mean I am leading you on or direction everything towards you.
-He has a post where he talks about how I defended him against a troll. Someone told him to be quiet, I told him 'don't talk to him that way'. I say that to everyone. Anyone that watches my stream knows that. I don't let trolls pick on my community members. He also states that I said 'I appreciate you' in a tone that overwhelmed him. I say that to everyone. I don't mean to sound rude, but this is absolutely insane.
-He stems back to a post from 2019 where I went to see Detective Pikachu. He asks if I am seeing Detective Pikachu on a date. He then considers me going to the movies alone and says that I'm not the type to go alone. AND THEN ADDRESSES THAT I ONLY TALK TO HIM PUBLICALLY. Yes, it was a date. I'm allowed to do that.
- He goes on to talk about how his Twitch crush used to do silly voices and how ASMR made me tingle and believes that everytime I did those, that they were for him. He lists it as being a 'good sign' and that it was 'endearing'. No, I do silly voices because I've been doing them since I've been a child.
I would keep posting examples but I honestly don't have the energy or strength to keep going. I can't even get myself to finish reading the blog. It just spirals out of control. Reading a 200+ page blog that someone wrote about a relationship made up in their own head is deeply concerning. The fact this person says that I could have possibly led them on when the only communication we have had is in Twitch chat. He brings up DM's a bunch, but in 2020, he DM'd me 17 times and I responded 2 times. The first time I responded, it was to him asking me to raid someone. The second was a happy holiday response.
I don't think I am overreacting. I also have been told that this is not my fault.
This is not my fault.
Please be careful. Protect yourselves.
Don't fall in love with streamers.