𝗭𝗜𝗔 𝗙𝗢𝗫 🐾 ^•ﻌ•^ · @Zia_MFC
17th Dec 2020 from TwitLonger
🚫🚩 PSA WARNING TO MODELS AND MEMBERS ABOUT MFC MEMBER "BONES"
❗️TW: Manipulation, Gaslighting, Talk of Suicide, Emotional Abuse and Sexual Assault
This is about the myfreecams member, broadly known as "Bones" / BoneSlide67 / K3_Bones / Twitter @ BoneSlide67 -- He has numerous other alt accounts on MFC, many of which I have blocked if other's want more usernames (but as of writing this, his current username is "BoneSlide67" -- ❗️I want to make it known in this community that this person is someone you do NOT want to be around, want around your friend circle, and is potentially DANGEROUS to your mental well-being and physical self. It's in my own opinion that you do not need to accept tokens from a member like this, because they are consistently emotionally manipulative, they crossed personal and physical boundaries on several occasions, and sexually assaulted me. My mind cannot be changed that this is the type of person this person really is deep down, and everyone needs to be warned about him.
This is really difficult for me.. and highly personal. This is my real life experiences, the affects of which I still deal with on a daily basis. I don't like doing this, and I find no enjoyment out of creating a post like this one. I don't like making myself *this vulnerable, and I've had a lump in my throat, and have been shaking since I made the decision that this is what I needed to do. I want to make it clear that the behavior I'm going to be talking about, are things that transpired mostly 2+ years ago, before I banned and blocked this person from my life. Because of that.. I don't have any proof or "receipts" (I had no sense of fore-thought at the time that I'd ever be writing something like this), and the few that I was able to find on my phone mainly are to back-up my timeline of events and things I communicated to Bones --- (❌marks where there is a screenshot picture for more context) --- For what it's worth; this is all my own recollection of what happened between us during the course of our 2-ish year friendship. I realize I'm VERY long winded... and I'm sorry for that; I hope me talking about my painful life experiences in more detail can help someone notice and avoid some of the red flags in their own life.
• • •
Like any abusive relationship, there are going to be HoneyMoon Phases and periods of time where things feel perfect enough to where you can forget about the bad for a while --- I think this is where a lot of people find themselves trapped in toxic relationships; because it's a gradual mistreatment and manipulative behavior in small steps that you choose to accept. Manipulators will break down your willpower over time, not all at once. Speaking from personal experience, it's easy to not even be aware of the pitfalls until you are already wrapped up in it.
So at first our friendship was that wonderful HoneyMoon --- I first met Bones when I moved to WA State. On one of my first few streams at my new place, he came into my chatroom and dropped a lot of tokens on me (His first ever tip was 10,000 tokens). He too lives in WA, and welcomed me to the State, and our friendship started out strong as we quickly got to know each-other more and more. I was in an interesting time in my cam career, filled with a lot of un-certainty of the future, my relationship was coming to a rocky close.. and I felt really alone. Having a fast-friend like Bones made me mentally cling closer to him at a faster pace than I ordinarily would. --- A few years ago, MFC didn't have in their ToS a ban for meet-ups in exchange for tokens, on their site. So I had met with several different MFC members prior to meeting Bones. (In the course of our friendship, he did tip for several meet-ups with me, but I'll get into more detail about those later on.) The very first time, however, that I did meet Bones in-person, was my own suggestion. He didn't tip for this, and it was on my suggestion. Truthfully, we had gotten so close, and he made me feel seen and appreciated, and felt like an all around great friend to me who I felt comfortable with -- He tipped for my phone number, and tipped for Skypes: both of those allow for a lot of bonding one-on-one chatting time. At the time I offered this.. it was extremely out of character for me; something I had never done before (without payment in tokens). This person had come into my life when I was struggling mentally, quickly became my greatest token supporter, made me feel really comfortable when I battle with social anxiety HARD... and I thought it would be a nice way of showing my thanks while genuinely getting to be around someone I enjoyed the company of. I viewed it as a win-win. We met up at a Burger Joint for like an hour, and that was our first meeting... I didn't realize the position I was putting myself in.. the expectations and pressures to come to keep meeting him.. and in retrospect, I really wish I had known the wiser to protect myself always. My intentions were to have a rare "IRL" friendship I didn't otherwise have, outside of my Roommate, and to give special treatment to someone who I felt, at the time, rightfully earned it.
Since that first meeting, there would be several to come -- some tipped for as a perk from my insane Token-Clubs, but many (majority) like that initial one. It only took the second time ever meeting Bones, that he groped my ass.
2016 is when Pokemon-Go came out --- Given how great our first coffee hangout went, I decided to meet with Bones again, at a local park to walk around the lake and play the game together and chat. My memory isn't always the most accurate; so can I say if this meeting was my suggestion..? It likely was, again. (Later that won't be the case ever again). Parking my car, Bones comes up to greet me with a hug. He takes this time to squeeze my butt quickly. I notice it, but mentally shrug it off, and I don't skip a beat continuing our plans to hang out. After our walk around the park for an hour or so, we say goodbye, and again he hugs me and squeezes my ass while he does so. This sort of interaction made me uncomfortable.. I'm a sexual person on cam, but this wasn't what I had intended our in person interactions to be like --- Confrontation is something I feel really uncomfortable with, and especially a few years ago, my younger self.. it wasn't something I EVER did. This is something I've put a lot of work into, and I'm proud of my progress.. but saying something to him face to face wasn't something I felt comfortable with then. Coming home, I lightheartedly mentioned it to my Roommate, and decided to text Bones to say casually to not do that in the future. It was a non-issue, because he said he wouldn't do that anymore, and I took it at face-value.
There was a time in 2016, where I didn't know the wiser, and allowed Amazon Packages to come directly to my home instead of a P.O. Box. Similarly, when I would send packages, the return address was to my actual place I was renting. There was a time Bones texted me to open my front door, and there were flowers on my doorstep. I had not given him my address, and this felt really violating. I told him so, and to his credit (I hope) he never did come to my home un-invited again. --- From that however, I made (yet another to the longgg list of poor decisions on my own part, but were made in blind-trust) the decision to invite him over to that same home to watch a Ghibli Movie or two together for an afternoon. I figured.. this man already knows where I live... stupid... But I did. That hang-out didn't go as I had intended. When bones arrived at my place, I asked if he wanted anything to drink or snack on, and he got a beer, and insisted that I should too. I drink a little more now (once a month more heavily), but back then I had alcohol MAYBE once a year, and only in small amounts. Bones KNEW I was a light-weight and it would be a playful fun thing for us to joke and tease about that fact. I increasingly throughout that afternoon felt like Bones was encouraging me to drink -- He challenged me to chug down my beer.. and it really just felt that he was trying to get me drunk. Whether that was actually what was happening or not, I can't say. But that was what my gut was saying to me, and I tried my best to just laugh the suggestions off. As I previous said -- I'm a big weenie baby (I want to say much less now than back then). But this hang-out took place when my Roommate traveled back to spend time with his own family. Dealing with extreme social anxiety, means I had issues making phone calls, or scheduling appointments, or literally doing anything "adult" on my own. I got a phone call into the second movie with Bones about my credit card and fraud. I panicked knowing my Roommate wasn't with me there to help me through it.. I paced around the room as Bones helped me through that mentally. And granted, I was extremely grateful he was there for me, to mentally hold my hand. After the phone call was a successful I was celebrating clutching my phone, and he came over to hug me and tell me -- 'see it wasn't a huge deal, you did it!' I'm.. at a loss of recollection or reason as to how he even got into this position from hugging me, but suddenly he was on his knees while I was standing, hugging my legs and kissing/brushing his lips and breathing on my legs (I was wearing a dress or skirt at the time, because I remember they were my bare legs). I was so shocked and dumbfounded about what was happening, that it did take me a moment to push him away and ask him to get up and say no. Again, whether this was what was actually happening and his intention or just my gut feeling; I felt like Bones wanted to go farther with me and possibly have oral sex. I was so wildly taken aback, and was unable to address it with him face to face, and only later had texted him that that scenario was really un-cool and made me really uncomfortable (along with the drinking). As Bones always did, he apologized and said it wasn't like that and that he would never let that happen again.. and I for some reason believed him..
❌https://zia-nin.s3-us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/IMG_1935.PNG
^^^ In this photo, it shows me attempting to talk about crossing-boundaries with Bones, and him admitting that he KNEW he was crossing boundaries/Knew what he was doing and not un-aware.
Throughout 2016, there were many meet-ups I did with him, at various public places. Nearly every time I met up with him, there were these little moments that increasingly made me more anxious out seeing him. Times we'd be sitting and he'd put his hand on my thigh, or embrace me in a too-long-hug and hold me to his chest while talking and looking down at me.. which is very close. Many little things like that that I would always notice, but never felt were *too invasive to bring up to him. Increasingly more and more, Bones wanted to see me more in person. As these little moments were building up, I grew more distant inside. This wasn't the type of friendship i was after in that first initial meeting I had with him. He turned something, I felt was rare and really out of the norm for me, and a "special treat" getting to see me in person.. to something he expected and would badger me about routinely. He'd barrage me with texts, trying to get me to meet up with him, and get really hurt when I would say I couldn't. He would tip note me on cam in large token amounts with things like "Hope this motivated you to do mfc mails... or just respond to my texts". Trying to guilt-token-bomb me into focusing more time on him.
❌https://zia-nin.s3.us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/Screen%20Shot%202020-12-16%20at%202.08.16%20AM.png
^^^ Single example of when he would do this countless other times.
I started to feel token-manipulated with his requests to talk with him more, and focus more time and energy with him. He became consistently more pushy with our communications and how long it took me to text him back, and we met up way more times than I, as an introvert, would have suggested if the decision were solely up to me. If I was hesitant to seeing him, he would keep asking, saying 'just for 30 min for coffee, it doesn't have to be anything long, I just want to hug and see you'. Bones is a passive aggressive person, and I started to see that more and more in increasing increments if he wasn't getting what he wanted when he wanted it. Bones would often times, tip me a large amount of tokens, and in his time note say "this is for a Skype" or a private show, when those tip-options were not on my tip menus.
❌https://zia-nin.s3.us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/Screen%20Shot%202020-12-16%20at%202.06.58%20AM.png
^^^ Single example of when he would do this countless other times.
Sometimes he would wait, days later, to message me or mail me saying 'oh yeah, and that 10,000 token tip was for a private snapchat show btw'. I did.. honestly too many of these things without fuss, because he was my #1 Tipper by a land-slide. Someone who provided me with my livelihood and allowed me to live the life I was. At one instance when this behavior repeated itself for the N-th time, I did say lightheartedly that that wasn't on my tip-menu and that wasn't what his initial tip was for.. and he laughed it off as a joke and said I was right. It was clear from his response, that he knew he was taking advantage of me, and that I was letting him for so long. I may have exchanged tokens for those things, had we talked about them before hand, but bones took away all of my power of choice. He would tip, say it was for X, and because I already had the tokens in my possession, felt too awkward to mostly rebuttal. He knew this. He did this on purpose. He controlled me like this for a long, long time. Most of our friendship was like this.
That was out first year together. 2016 started out wonderful, and he increasingly became more possessive and entitled to my offline life. At the end of December 2016, Bones tipped me 178,000 tokens in a single tip, and we made plans to hangout one-on-one in AVN in Vegas for a dinner date (100k tip = in person meet on my Club at that time, again when MFC still allowed it).
So that leads into January 2017 AEE (also more commonly associated with the AVN Awards Show) and the Camming Convention in Vegas. Right away that trip started on an awful path for me.. Upon arriving in Vegas, I went to my Hotel to check-in. People had asked where I was staying on the strip, so a few other members decided to also book that Hotel (including Bones). The Hotel wouldn't let me check-in, despite allowing me to book it on their website, because I wasn't 21 years old yet, and they had liquor in the mini fridges in the rooms. (Why they couldn't remove the alcohol.. I don't know.. *RAGE*!!) --- Being very dependent on my Roommate at that time, I hadn't booked the Hotel myself, and was really unsure of how to handle this situation, especially given that no Hotel on the Strip would have let me book with them for the same reasons. My Roommate wasn't flying into Vegas for a few hours, and I was left mentally spiraling in the Lobby, unsure of how to put my big-girl pants on and deal with it. Bones was there with me, and checked into his Hotel room, and suggested I could go up to his room to figure it out, instead of just sitting in the Lobby the whole time. I felt a little strange about going to his room alone, but I had no idea what else to do. I waited in Bone's room for about an hour or so waiting for my roommate to land. In that time, we talked and looked at his room, and at the view outside his window too. Across the way was the Vegas, mini Eiffel Tower. Bones brought up the time I went on vacation in Paris, and took a cheeky/sneaky boob-flashing picture in front of the Eiffel Tower. He joked and teased that I should and have to re-create that picture. I laughed with him, but he kept going on about it, whipping out his phone and pushing me to the railing to pose. It went on like that, until I relented in my declining and eventually gave up, and figured this was going to happen, i should just get it over with. I flashed my boobs in front of Bones to take a picture of. Yikes. --- Only BIGGER YIKES when THIS MORNING as my Roommate told me, that Bones actually showed that picture to a big group of my regulars during that trip, when I wasn't in the room. I didn't know that until this morning.. I have no words.. Great start tot he trip.
We still had our Dinner-Date planned, and the whole night went great. I dressed up, and we had dinner, and it was really fun. Until we walked back to the Hotel to say goodbye. I can't remember if Bones had to give me a gift.. or why exactly we ended back in his hotel room. I'm sure it was for a letter or gift he insisted on giving me then, because I otherwise would never have willingly chosen to go back there. It was time to hug goodbye and thank Bones for the great, fun night, and we did so by the closed door to his room. As Bones had down several times with me in the past, he held my hug for uncomfortably long, and talked down to me chest to chest. He said he wish we could kiss right now, and I laughed about it. In the position we were in, I was against the wall, and he was agains the closed door, in that corner, and I wouldn't have been able to open the door in that position if I wanted to. Bones was physically blocking the door from being opened. The insisting and staring continued, into extreme awkwardness; so many playful "no's" can only be said so many times. With this man, probably more than twice my size standing in front of my own exit, someone who held a lot against me emotionally, and provided much of my income and life.. the power dynamics were not fair. I was coerced into kissing him. I did not want to, and I felt like doing so was my own way out of that room. Which it was. He let me leave after that.
That AVN trip ended with me dealing with another issues with another member of mine, and emotionally exhausted, I couldn't meet up with anyone else or say good bye in person to anyone the last 2 days of that trip. Bones took this time, to guilt-trip me, and try to see him again before I flew out, but I really was too emotionally exhausted to allow it, despite his best efforts. It was just too much in total for me to handle, on top of already being on edge attending a highly-social convention filled with hundreds of people. It was the last Convention I ever attended.
After that.. our relationship became even more rocky, as I felt increasingly more un-settled being around him physically. I was mentally un-able to address the kiss with Bones, and combined with all of the other ways he treated me in person, and online.. I didn't know how to figure out how I was feeling, let alone deal with it. This didn't stop his insisting texts to meet-up and talk with him more and more though.
I mentally dilapidated in 2017 over time.
Much of 2017 is a blur to me.. Nothing too note-worthy comes to mind, as I struggled with my inner feelings and issues dealing with Bones, and his toxic behavior as it started to ramp up more and more. My resentment to how he was making me feel consistently, grew, and I dodged trying to see him more and more in person. I was functioning worse than ever, because of his passive aggressiveness anytime I refused to see him or text him back quickly. Sometimes Bones would be really mean on cam, tipping for hundreds of spanks after we'd have an argument, and other times telling me I was his "ideal women.. even more so than his wife"
❌https://zia-nin.s3-us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/IMG_1937.PNG
The emotional whiplash was INSANE and hurtful and numbing and confusing. I broke down, and there were many days I wasted because I cried for hours in despair wondering how to talk to Bones/reply back to a mean text he'd sent me. There were days I wrapped myself up in a blanket, and left me body to rot in there, unable to leave my bed or eat. My camming suffered because of his treatment to me.. because I got completely absorbed into someone who demanded all of my attention. I lost myself, and I lost a lot of friends I cared about.
All the while, this person was building up power in my room by tipping absurd amount of tokens, and keeping me mentally kicked-down. There are several ways I think Bones played into his power-trips to foster this relationship between us, that would take way too long to write out them all ---- He would punish me on cam, tipping for hundreds of spanks, or stack up cum-denials, or make really accusatory private and anonymous tip-notes.
❌https://zia-nin.s3.us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/Screen%20Shot%202020-12-16%20at%201.54.48%20AM.png
He would try and force my hand to calling him when I was emotionally upset, to talk things out on the phone, when he knew that wasn't how I processed my emotions and really hated that. He would tip a lot of tokens after a fight we had to gloss it over, force me to thank him, and not address any issue at hand. If I said or did something he didn't like, he would threaten to not be around for a week+ for my camming/leave early etc; knowing he was the majority of my token-earnings.
❌https://zia-nin.s3.us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/Screen%20Shot%202020-12-16%20at%201.42.29%20AM.png
^^^ These are an example of the constant times he would try and guilt you into doing what he wanted/manipulate the situation/threatening to leave and not come back etc.
If he had a fight with his wife, or another friend, he would ninja tip note me really mean things to take his anger out on me like an emotional punching bag because I was on cam and readily available, and only apologize later for them saying it was because he had a "bad day". He would meet up with me in person and rag on his wife, and then tell me about all the personal things he was doing to connect with another model. In the times I told him I didn't want to see him anymore in person, he'd make an effort to tell me how he was meeting another model in person instead. He would tip that model, outside of my cam time, a LOT of tokens, then drunkenly text me telling me all about it and say things like 'I'm tipping her, but I wish it were you, and I want to be with you'.
❌https://zia-nin.s3-us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/IMG_1937.PNG
^^^ This screenshot, I posted before; but I wanted to say that this WAS one of the many types of drunk-texts he would send me that I just mentioned.
He told me things/secrets/private affairs this model decided to do/tell him in confidence.. and it planted a seed of fear and doubt to keep him appeased in fear of what he could tell her about me, similarly, if he has loose-lips. He showed me times where he shared an inside joke between the two of us, with another model to connect with her. I'm not a jealous person by nature.. but anyone in their right mind could see what he was trying to do, and see he was attempting to use another person as a weapon to hurt me when I would reject him. I didn't have an issue at the time with this other model, but Bones very actively worked to MAKE her existence and their friendship something to get back at me with. It hurt me more, realizing that he was TRYING to hurt me. That he wanted to. And this treatment went on are a year+ at large. (He's now successful convinced people that the reasons I kicked him out is because of my "possessiveness issues" with him supporting other models, and not with his treatment of me and my mental health with HOW he was doing it, purposefully involving them in ways that weren't their fault at all. He used them to try and hurt me, then used them as a shield to deny it was what he was doing. For that, Bones is a gaslighting, manipulative, can't-take-responsiblity-for-his-wrong-doings, immature douchebag. And always will be.)
I can find closure in myself, knowing that I gave 110% of myself to attempt to make Bones a better person, and to try and make our friendship survive. We had phone calls (once was a 2 hour long one!!!) where I played therapists, and coached him through opening up about his feelings, and how we deal with conflict, and how to bring issues up to one another as they occurred instead of letting them bottle up. I tried SO. HARD. with this person. And nothing ever changed. I accepted the behavior and mistreatment for longer than I should have. But my own low self-esteem and need to see the good in people, deluded myself into thinking he was capable of being better, if only I could push through it.. maybe we could get back to the start.. all despite the evidence stacking up that he couldn't or wouldn't.
In June 2017, I really was struggling. I felt worn-down by Bones, and couldn't do it anymore, seeing no positive results from how hard I was exerting myself in this relationship. I wrote Bones a long letter after some mean texts he had sent. I expressed how I was feeling and said I ultimately couldn't be friends with him, and attempted to say good-bye to him for good. (It's personally embarrassing that I tried and failed to do this, and thus had to do it again nearly a year later). In July the following month, Bones continued to tip me ninja and anonymously. He would say things like "I still love you, even if you hate me now..." (emotional pity-guilt manipulator -- because I made it clear in my letter that I *didn't* hate him). He tipped me tens of thousands of tokens.. all while he knew I didn't want him tipping me or in my life anymore. He tipped me two separate 22k tips, a 15k tip, and four separate 11k token tips.. he couldn't leave me alone, and was trying anything to get me to respond to him.
❌https://zia-nin.s3.us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/Screen%20Shot%202020-12-16%20at%202.01.25%20AM.png
^^^ From the same month I kicked him out.
❌https://zia-nin.s3.us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/Screen%20Shot%202020-12-16%20at%202.02.47%20AM.png
^^^ And then continuing into the following month with more crazy tips to get his way.
And of course -- I did. I can't accept that kind of money and turn a blind eye to someone; I just don't have that mental willpower and strength. Talking it out with Bones.. he somehow had be hopeful that this was the lost dip in our relationship, and to not give up on him, and that he would work to be better. I gave him yet again another chance.
From this point until the end of our relationship, there were confusing times I did meet up with him, and awkwardness and confusion planning other trips to see him. Because I had originally invited this relationship with him, where we could meet up to chat on a whim.. it made it really confusing navigating into the times we were supposed to meet up for "100k Dates" / Tipped-For Time. I really wasn't that much more comfortable seeing Bones anymore, but felt obligated to since it was already "paid for" and "on the books". In my mind, I was no longer comfortable seeing him outside of those tipped-ones I felt I was needed to. There were times we met up for mini golf, or some other fun activity.. to only later be told by Bones that it didn't actually count as one of our 100k's.. He abused and used my own uncomfortableness to his advantage to squeeze more chances to see me in person than I wanted. The pressure to communicate and meet began to ramp up again, and Bones quickly reverted to his long-standing behavior in how he treated me. ---- I think it needs to be stated again, that all this time, there was always inappropriate touching/sexual joking in person etc. And I repeatedly had to express how much I was uncomfortable with those things.. to the point where I felt like I was maybe going crazy?? Why was this still happening after the 10th time I've told him not to make sexual jokes to me in person? Not to compare me to his wife? Not to touch me? Did I actually express these things to Bones.. because surely someone who loved me would stop???? (I did. He just didn't care about my comfort at any point in our friendship.)
❌https://zia-nin.s3-us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/IMG_1939.PNG
^^^ This is one screenshot from a long conversation I had with Bones, showing that I DID express these issues with him time and time again.
The worst time Bones ever touched me, was sometime late 2017. My room, being the collective sweeties that they are, had planned a group-written Birthday card for me for March 2017 lol but the organizing of that meant I didn't receive it till late 2017. I found out, that Bones insisted to be the last person to get the card to sign/write in and to send to me... No one else knew Bones and I met frequently in person (because as I stated at the top of this, it was an extreme special-treatment I only allowed with him), and this too he convinced me to meet at a local Starbucks to exchange the group-gift. We got coffees, and chatted for a few minutes, and then left together out of the parking lot to leave. After saying goodbye, I turned away to head to my car. Bones comes up behind me, slips his hands quickly UNDER my shirt, to grope and squeeze my bare boobs, as I wasn't wearing a bra. I froze. I was mortified.. I couldn't believe he was doing this, in a public parking lot, with my back turned, and playing it off as a "hug". My fight-or-flight reaction kicked in, and I laughed it off and quickly I got into my car, and buried this deep inside me. I didn't talk about this with Bones for a very long time.. I didn't have the tools to do anything but mentally shut down that this had happened to me.. That I had let a man grope me in public, and I felt shame that I wasn't strong enough to say anything to his face about it. He took a moment, carefully planned and crafted by my closest friends, all to make me feel loved and beautiful and cherished.. and used that time to selfishly full-fill his desires and sexually assault me, and taint that memory forever. I no longer feel safe in my body to this day because of that man. Happy Birthday, Zia.
The beginning of 2018 is when I got the the point where I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. Everything was piling on me again, much of it was I was simultaneously trying my best to shield from my friends and the public. The emotional and mental abuse.. the groping.. the sexual assault.. the mistreatment.. the token power he held over my actual life... the pressure to talk and meet him, which could lead to more abuse........
I couldn't function and even survive how I had been, for too long.. I had to let him + the rest of my room know, that I was deleting them all from my phone number, and couldn't text anyone anymore, because "people" (Bones) was too draining on me, demanding more and more time I couldn't give.
❌https://zia-nin.s3-us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/IMG_1990.PNG
Camming as an introvert, is something I struggle with profoundly; finding the balance between a social career that only benefits the more involved you become vs. my mental health. Even now, I often have to go days or weeks at a time receding back into myself to charge up again, or taking a month off to focus on offline-work after particularly busy months. The pressuring to talk and meet with Bones never relented, though it did have lulls at times. And my friends had to suffer because of it, as I took away privileges for everyone to mentally help myself. I'm really lucky about the other friends I have, and how much they understand this is how I operate as a person, and don't hold it against me as a personal snide. Bones is not that man. Bones drove me so low, to actually cut myself off and isolate myself from the people that actually cared about me and my well-being.
I said goodbye to Bones towards the end of March 2018, once and for all:
Everything I had been shouldering for ~3ish years with him, finally boiled down to a small fight we had, when it clicked with me that this person just doesn't respect me, and I need to stop trying now. We had been struggling to plan a Tipped-For Trip together.. combination of my uncomfortableness with seeing him anymore (mainly from our meeting where he groped me in the parking lot) and my life getting busy and out of my own control. He wanted to spend all day with me, which was planned last minute.. and when i asked if we could push the date out a week to plan it better so I would feel more comfortable, he turned into a child unwilling to talk about it with me. I wrote out this long MFC mail to him explaining why I wanted to wait on our trip, and to not take it the wrong way etc.. I took 2+ hours of my time writing out a mail to make sure he understood where I was coming from, and he responded with 2 short sentences that basically read as a dismissive 'fuck-you Zia'. I didn't respond to that because.. what the fuck dude lol I don't get to be treated that way.. so I waited for my apology the next day, when none came all day long. He gave me the cold-shoulder, and did much of what Bones does when he is upset --- push it all down and ignore it, to later boil over about it. Two days later, that night while I was live on cam.. Bones began tipping me anonymously outside of my room. He tipped for one cum denial.. then two.. and three and four and finally six cum denies..
❌https://zia-nin.s3.us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/Screen%20Shot%202020-12-16%20at%207.06.28%20PM.png
They all racked up, all contained in nasty 5-token Anonymous tip notes in-between saying things like "you deserve this/you deserve to be punished/you did this to yourself" etc.
❌https://zia-nin.s3.us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/Screen%20Shot%202020-12-16%20at%207.09.17%20PM.png
He tipped for HUNDREDS of spanks/paddles as well that same night. And eventually he stopped tipping Anonymously and let me know who was actually punishing me. Upon this.. I was fucking HURT. Of course i was. We had NOT fixed our issues and here he was, back at it tipping me again. I had told Bones time and time and time again in our friendship not to bring issues live on cam.. that it's unfair to come to my room if we are having issues that weren't cleared up beforehand.. and that it was unfair to everyone else in my chatroom who wouldn't have known better about what was happening. I had to snapchat him asking why he was so clearly upset with me (I knew the reason, but I wanted him to say it, because that's what we had agreed upon -- he would be better at communicating with me when there are issues). I expressed how hurt I was by his actions and how it *felt like to me, that he had tipped for those cum denies and spanks to punish me because he was mad with me.
❌https://zia-nin.s3.us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/Screen%20Shot%202020-12-16%20at%207.11.38%20PM.png
^^^ this shows how "into" the punishments Bones was this occasion, and how someone else in the room was feeling uncomfortable with this.. basically Bones destroyed the mood of the room this night.
Bones did finally respond to me, confirming that YES he did those things to punish me, and because he was upset with me. I couldn't believe what I was reading. I couldn't believe for the first time ever that he confirmed in his own words that my assumptions were correct, and he would do something so vindictive, to essentially ruin a cam-night from being successful. It dawned on me, that I would never "get revenge" or purposefully try and hurt someone I cared about and called a friend.. and the pieces in my head fell together to tell me what I had known keep down for a long time; that this person doesn't give a shit about me, has no respect for me, and never will. I finally sucked the poison out and severed the head of the snake that was suffocating me for years -- On March 28th, 2018 I recorded an hour long audio to finally confront him on what happened, and to banish him from every aspect of my life.
(That audio is here, if anyone is mega bored and wants to listen to an hour of my ranting to him.. much of which is about the issues I've already wrote about here):
❌https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Uk2117TDR27NkD1_coU4RV6FhsyyA4a9/view
Now this person was finally gone, and I felt peace that this finally wasn't something i had to deal with anymore.. but I wasn't happy...
I had kicked out someone who caused wounds that still deeply affected me mentally... someone that refused to apologize to my audio message, despite giving him several things he could comment on.. He showed no remorse, and there was no ounce of kindness in helping me to gain any closure with him. Instead he invalidated my feelings, and said he didn't understand anything I was saying -- he was gaslighting me to the textbook definition. No sympathy or empathy for a single thing I had said in an hour long recording.. my broken mentality, was officially shattered. Especially on top of the mounting fears of the future, and my future in the cam-world.. my #1 Tipper was now gone for good, and I had been successfully isolating myself from the rest of my friends for months at that point..
I became deeply suicidal.
I couldn't live like this anymore. There was so much pain.. I became a camgirl to escape and distract myself from my suicide attempts, and I couldn't believe i had let myself get this low again. I felt it was my fault and doing for a long long time... My Roommate would go to bed earlier than I, in his own room, and I would stay up for hours sobbing and drooling on the floor of my bathroom shower, sometimes striking myself until I was light-headed. I was in emotional anguish and hurt that I've never felt before. And I made plans to drive to a local bridge near my house and jump off. I thought about this a LOT. Many nights. Luckily.. I didn't of course. Luckily when I was finally brave enough to utter these dark thoughts to my Roommate, he snapped into action, and we made plans to up-root my life and move states away after selling my house. (There is a reason he is my very best friend -- TG). We needed to escape all the badness tied up in Washington and in Bones. I needed a change to really shake me out of this nightmare, and it was the most beautiful thing to have ever happened to me. It was exactly what I needed.. and I'm so thankful I've had the happiest years of my life since then. 2018 was the hardest year I've ever had to live through, but the best year ever as well, as it marks the moment I started to put myself first. Bones drove me to my darkest moments.. I don't even think he realizes he did that -- You did. You are why. And I pray you stop doing this to people finally.
Bones will always be a manipulative piece of shit. So it's no surprise this fucker tried doing the same behavior he had done the first time I tried kicking him out of my life -- tipping me a ton of tokens in the following months, to try and gain my favor back and weasel his way back into my life. But this time I didn't bite, and stuck to my resolutions, because I was ✨FREE✨ at last!
❌https://zia-nin.s3.us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/Screen%20Shot%202020-12-16%20at%202.15.43%20AM.png
^^^ Bones being Bones, and tipping me lots of tokens to try and come back into my life again.
It took time.. and a lot of patience with myself and others to finally move on, and feel better about all that had transpired. It took a long time to un-do some of the thought-pitfalls I could easily find myself falling into, because he so routinely engrained them in my mind. It was hard having my abuser still around my "circle" on MFC, and as much as I tried shutting him out, it was always difficult anytime I would randomly see his name, or people would ask me about him. I felt much better in 2019 and healed a lot... but to say I'm all better is a lie. bones affected me in ways, I'm still finding out are rooted in his treatment towards me. In 2019, while I was living in my new apartment, after successfully moving states -- I found myself pleading with my Roommate to please please please go with me down to Starbucks for a coffee, even though he couldn't because he was in a meeting all day long.. That Starbucks, was across the street from my Apartment Complex. I could see it from my window, and it would have taken less than 5 minutes to be back home with coffee in hand. Bones instilled inside me, someone who already had issues with independence (as you've caught on by how much I've expressed being dependent on my Roommate), a deep self-resentment with my own ability to protect myself, and trust my judgements. In my mind, I couldn't even trust to myself, going out to grab a quick coffee by myself.. what if someone approached and touched me? I let Bones do that numerous times. There is a reason I have spent $3,000+ on home-security, and why I still panic once my Roommate had gone to bed and I'm let alone at night, glancing outside the windows and checking my camera feeds multiple times sometimes at night, paranoid. It's not that I think Bones is going to show up -- but rather, Bones has made me feel unsafe in my body. I couldn't protect myself, physically or mentally around him. And I hold that to this day, as I work through feeling secure.
So realizing that in 2019 with the Starbucks hurdle I couldn't get over.. and with some distance to really start thriving away from Bones.. I texted him and we had an hour long phone call, where for the first time ever, I addressed him groping my boobs.
❌https://zia-nin.s3-us-west-1.amazonaws.com/BonesScreenshots/IMG_1933.PNG
I finally felt powerful enough to do that and stand up for myself, to the source.. and he yelled at me for 30-40 minutes of that phone call. He was somehow mad at me for thinking poorly of him touching me?? It was NOT the kind of closure I was looking for. He wasn't taking responsibility, like in my head I thought he would. It was only towards the very end of that phone call that he said "I'm sorry if I ever did anything to make you feel that way"... which is a non-apology. And that truly is the last I've ever interacted with Bones.
• • •
Why am I finally writing this nearly 2 years later... to take back control of what happened to me, and all this person did to me, really. I have the best intentions, and really feel like people CAN grow and be better. I expressed this to him at the time of our Final Goodbye -- But I told him I HOPE he truly reflects and doesn't treat others the way he treated me for years. The way I was able to heal, despite him still being around on the platform I used, was convincing myself I was the weak one; that for some reason this likely just would happen to me. That he would be better. I gave him that benefit of the doubt. Hearing him now being banned from the model he frequented after me, for the same emotionally manipulative and controlling behavior.. confirms in my mind that this is Bones. This is the person he is. He will not change. He had not changed, and I'm deeply concerned about who will be his next victim, as the cycle rolls over again.
I'm ashamed I let this happen to me.. and I'm ashamed it happened numerous times.. and now I'm ashamed I bottled this all and didn't speak out about how harmful this person can be -- ESPECIALLY knowing he sexually assaulted me, and I let him stay on our website, and I knew about him attending AVN in the following year and I didn't say anything to warn anyone about being around a person like this. I'm ashamed I let me being afraid of this tipper and model's influence scare me from ever saying something publicly, before now, in fear that no one would believe me.
I simply cannot continue like this. For my peace of mind, and for my conscious, I finally have to speak up, seeing as it's clear he is a routine abuser. I can't have this on my heart any more.
🚨❗️It's of my opinion that this is who Bones is, and he will eventually treat everyone he gets close with like this. I highly warn anyone who is thinking about getting close to this person, to be aware of the history they have with being controlling, emotionally manipulative, selfish, and physically crossing boundaries that suit their desires.
For any camgirl that has ever dealt with an abusive tipping member or person in your life -- I feel and see you, and what you have gone through. I hope this truly helps someone see and understand how easy it is to fall into relationships like this. This person invaded every waking moment of my mind, and tipped me over 7 million tokens during our friendship.. and convinced me that I had to put up with this mistreatment. Token and income-manipulation is real, and I hope more camgirls can be open about this issue, to warn others coming into this industry too young like i did.
In my final Good-Bye Audio to Bones I said "I won't allow myself to treat myself poorly, by allowing someone else to do so" and that's why I wrote this; so no one else will make the same mistakes I did.
- Zia Fox