Behind the scenes

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Dear reader, as exclusively revealed yesterday, this humble correspondent managed to watch the game from the inside of Paradump yesterday alongside my Cricket Comrade from the City.

My mole in the Green and Grey room reached out to me at the last minute on Friday as the 2 guests, each Senior executive is allowed in the stadium, let him down and Mike Ashley's tanks wouldn’t have stopped me from taking him up on that offer.

As a sweetener and a thank you for stepping in, he even gave me a 24 hour advanced copy of the team which I duly passed on to my contacts at the other end of the city and Mr Gerrard immediately went to work on setting up his team to counter the clear deficiencies.

This intrepid reporter can now exclusively reveal the after match carnage happening within earshot in the Green and Grey room. The term “Chernobyl like” apropos the atmosphere is very apt.

A ginger man with clatty teeth, came steaming past us and marched into the room. As he stormed past, he was screaming “someone leaked ma team, someone leaked ma team”

My mole seemed embarrassed and sheepishly ushered us into an adjoining room with paper thin walls before joining Ginger clatty teeth and Blofeld Lawmanuel.

It was at this point, it was revealed that one of their players was supposed to report back to duty and be on the bench (he was listed on the original teamsheet) however he refused to do so, as he was made to take 3 public buses to Amsterdam in order to get a cheap € 35 flight back to Glasgow on Friday, instead of flying with BA via London at a cost of € 345. “Well you shouldn’t have got beat by some shite mob from Hungary” didn’t go down well and only served to inflame the situation further.

There was a lot of chatter around Sevcos very inexperienced manager now getting the better of the more experienced manager in the last 3 games, and to my astonishment, I overheard Blofeld say “We even paid “Kevin Clabby” to help you out and you still got beat. My Cricket Comrade Chap from the City thought he actually said “Abbey Clancy”

Now I couldn’t possibly comment on what was meant here and neither name made sense to us so we will leave it to you, my fine dear readers, to decipher that one for yourselves.

At this point, Ginger guy suggested Blofeld should sack him, go downstairs and speak to Sevcos less experienced manager to see if he could work with the Covid situation he found himself in, only to be reminded, and I quote: “You spent £13m and brought in 5 players all of whom played and Allan McGregor could have shagged 10 burds on that park today”

You could have cut the Chernobyl like atmosphere with Leigh Griffiths pointed dome at this point.

At some point in all of this, I received a phone call from my extremely worried daughter who had saw all the bad men with flares and singing nasty chants whilst foaming at the mouth at buses outside the ground. She feared for my life and was crying down the phone. We then left and got a police escort from the car park past the marauding hordes of fans baying for blood.

My mole called on the journey home to apologise for what we endured and has said he will make up for it with more ongoing gossip on this situation.

Public buses. Cheapskate flights. Paying anonymous people bribes. Offering resignations. Foaming fans.

Trouble in Paradump right enough.

Developing story.

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