Raiku · @Raiku_Wow
17th Oct 2020 from TwitLonger
Why I got an indefinite bann from competitive WoW
During the last 24 hours I received a ton of messages and I had some time to think about the latest events. First of all, I wanted to apologize again for what I said. There is no excuse for it. The video, that shows clips from my teammate Swapxy and me (most of them are approximately two years ago), shows me as a person that I am not. Yes, I clearly said a racist word (In order to explain for the people that have not seen the video: I said the n-word one time and one time a modified version of it), but that does not make me a racist. When I said them, I didn’t intentionally want to hurt someone with my words, and I obviously did, I’m genuinely sorry for this.
Even though this sounds completely idiotic and is absolutely not okay but when I used these words I didn’t think about what I said, I didn’t give them “any power” or meaning, for me it was in the moment just a word. I didn’t have the imagination of me harming anyone in these moments. I realized that this is completely idiotic and childish to not think about what I’m saying in the bigger picture and how harmful words can be.
I do deserve the ban and we people understand our mistakes very often when it’s already too late.
For the last two years my team and I were under the pressure that someone has something against us in their hands and whenever we would say something wrong, they could just release it. Why did this all happen now and not back in the days when those videos were actually recorded, you might ask yourself? After watching the PVP ladder in World of Warcraft being manipulated for years, my team and I decided that the amount of win trading for rank 1 titles has become too much. People that honestly tried to play up their way on the ladder had literally no chance and it also destroyed the game for us that were playing for many years. So we reported the people. And I also made a tweet that included a picture about one of those games. As a result, they leaked the video to pay us back. From my understanding they have recorded everything we privately streamed for the past two years without us knowing.
The reason why these videos exist in the first place is because we streamed them (we created a channel that we only shared between the team members) to be able to review them to improve and review our gameplay. Even though the streams were on a platform that is accessible for everyone publicly, they were always meant to stay private, not because of what we said but that we didn’t want to share our gameplay with the enemy teams. We never gave anyone the consent/permission to anyone to record these videos or upload them somewhere. Even though the videos were not meant for anyone outside the team to see, we should never use these choices of words, privately AND publicly. The reason why we streamed them was to be able to rewatch them, something that we couldn’t do if we would stream them over Discord for example.
I really want to show you that I am not the person the video shows and I hope I will get the chance to do this. That’s what my next step will be.
Thank you also for all the unbelievable support, it’s overwhelming. I know that also many people said that “people say this every day” and “that seems like nothing to me” – I think that’s wrong. We should definitely think about what power words can have and what we can do with it and instead trying to make something better out of it.
I might receive the same or even more hate now but I want everyone to hear the full side of the story.
I don’t write this text as an excuse, I write it because I understand and see my mistake.
I'm sorry to all the individuals I have offended with my horrible choice of words and I will learn from this mistake.
Maybe I can even prevent others through my mistake from doing the same.