Heretics RUBINO · @rubinoeu
1st Sep 2020 from TwitLonger
Future
Hey, i guess it is time to really give information and whats going on the last years.
And also talk about the risks and good memories.
From 2013 i choosed to go all in for csgo, i quit my school and started playing because the only thing i wanted after a rookie road in 1.6, i wanted to become one of the best in norway. It wasnt without sacrifices and alot of shitstorms this happened ofcourse, We made different lineups, but the one probably remembers the most was LGB, we were so hyped to join that organisation and finally getting a salary for playing csgo, for the most of you, the salary we had that time is probably 2% of the income a player will have in today, but we gave everything, people stopped on work and school to forfill their dreams, we were ofcourse promised stuffs that never happened, and for that reason im glad we have a better support system this days, so this never happens anyone else.
That team had alot of good players , but sadly cause the promises we had , was not a reality we lost our best player rain, and after that it went to a dark place, where in fact i was really close to stop playing, not because i wanted, but because i was to competetive in my head,for the reality.
This was in fact a big problem for me, and probably has made me not get things how it should be.
But i got my chance in dignitas (how this happened i dont really know), i joined up with the danes and to be honest, i had another vision for the game, i played 24/7 and were so motivated to prove that im actually worth something, and with bumpy roads up and down, we achieved things i never believed i would ever be able to do.
The constant traveling, (being away for 30/40 days) in one run, was not easy. Probably different from person to person how they handle it, support systems that time was also poor, you had really only your team to talk about it, and still if that is appreciated , they have a vision about it that maybe is not the one you search for, or want to share your deepest feelings with. And because of that i took a decision that probably will haunt me the rest of my life, to leave north. To be fairly honest, i guess if i didnt. And my attitude/motivation didnt go up, i would probably have been removed few months later, because i was not motivated / burned out already.
The years to come after was a reality check, no invite to events, no closed qualifiers,nothing.
Open qualifiers, minor qualifiers everything, it was a huge difference and i didnt realize this before late, i still wanted to become good, but it was to many personalities and such.
Ive gotten plenty of chances, Heroic & nordavind (the last 2 teams i played for) , i was really glad to get the chance back when i got the offer from heroic, but to be fair. After being there and getting iris inflammation i was kinda screwed, i didnt know how long it would take to heal and you know how esports is, it does not stop because you are sick. So eventually i got removed from the team.
I got my next chance in nordavind , a norwegian lineup i had great believes in, but believing is one thing, and succeeding is another thing. I guess we did mediocre, but unfortunately it was not enough for what i had my vision on (i guess thats a problem when you are looking in the past). You should never do that, but i did. And i guess after i while i got dissapointed, but i still tried.
And as unlucky as you can be, i got a Tendinitis in my shoulder, which took a long time to heal, and i got removed from there to.
This scene is competetive, never stops and thats what you love in certain ways, but if you are unlucky and get injuries, i guess in one way. You are fucked.
Now, what is happening now? What are you going to do?
To be fairly honest i dont know, I feel the way the cs eco system is right now, it is really locked and hard to get up there.
I am looking at different possibilities, if it is as a coach,player,analyst,whatever i will go for it, and also now as it has come a new game valorant, the possibilities are bright. But mostly i guess as my cs career in insecure and im starting to become an "adult" with responsibilities in life, it might be another career way i look after, its quite hard as you have been playing this game for 14/15 years.
I want to thank every single player and organisation i have been playing for, it has been a blast