byuu · @byuu_san

26th Jul 2020 from TwitLonger

So, a few points.

I shouldn't have tried to return in May; my situation had not improved then.
I don't think anyone could have anticipated a global pandemic when I first announced my plans to retire in 2019.
I further had reason to believe things would improve, but that turned out to be a false hope in the end.
I've always had a strong passion for emulator development, so it was easy to fall back into it again.
I needed to really leave this time, and that meant not holding onto old accounts. I'm very sorry if I've worried anyone.
I am regretful I was not able to complete the new N64 and PS1 cores, but they're each at least 80% finished.
I've closed my Patreon account, and sent the final $1,200 to John for SNES PPU delayering and imaging.
I've removed accounts on every service that allows deletion and doesn't allow name reuse (Reddit, Mastodon, etc)
I've transferred ownership of accounts on services that allow impersonations (GitLab, Twitter, Patreon, etc)
All the same I want to stress, if someone appears in the future claiming to be me, they're not.

I really didn't want to address this publicly, but if you want to know the reason I've been erratic lately:
At the beginning of the year, an anonymous individual went through who I followed and made a list of emulator developers.
They then made a dox list of their names, photos, addresses, etc, along with some grotesque commentary about each of them.
I know they used my following list because it included the names of very obscure developers who never released anything.
And more telling, it omitted the names of prominent developers that I didn't follow. This was targeted at me.
I've had my fans and my critics since 1998. I'm used to it. I can laugh at myself and handle criticism sent my way.
Hell, I've already internalized it all anyway. It's hard to take someone down a peg when they have no self-esteem to begin with.
But going after people I care about solely to get at me crossed a line.
And no matter how many people reassure me it's not my fault, I can't shake the feeling that it is.
All I've ever done online was post strong opinions about emulator design and talk about politics like millions of other people.
I did not deserve this, and most especially, the people I followed did not deserve this.
It took 22 years, but they finally found my one weakness, and they've won. I tried everything.
I tried acknowledging and addressing all criticisms made of me for the past two years now to no avail.
I tried making the software everyone wanted, running a GitHub account, and more, to no avail.
I even tried changing my name, and later my emulator name, to no avail.
It finally became clear to me that nothing I ever say or do is going to change or stop this.
As long as I'm around, I'm putting my friends at risk of further harassment, and I just can't selfishly ignore that.
I offer my strongest apologies to those affected by this, I am so sorry. I'd have given anything to undo this, but I can't.
To whoever was responsible for the list, if the day ever comes that you feel remorse for it, I forgive you.

As far as preserving what I have created ...
I've transferred the Discord server to Kawa.
I've transferred the GitHub emulation projects and Twitter accounts to MerryMage.
I've transferred the GitHub byuu account and byuu website domains to Screwtape.
They have access to every article, emulator WIP build, changelog note, etc, and it will all be preserved by them going forward.

As always, it's been a real pleasure.
I may be leaving sooner than I otherwise would have, but all good things come to an end. This was inevitable.
Whether anyone ever believes it or not, I never wanted the attention or popularity. I just wanted to share my work with everyone.
I never wanted my last message to have to carry such a sad weight to it.
I know that I can't ask people to forget about me, but I do ask that you focus on what matters.
So at the very least, please don't remember me for why I had to leave, remember me for who I was.

Thank you all for reading. Stay safe out there. I'll be okay.

~ byuu

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