Monica · @StrongicoMonica
10th Jul 2020 from TwitLonger
Helplessness: My Path To Overcoming
One year ago, I had an experience that made me leave the Fire Emblem community entirely. I don't blame Fire Emblem or the innocent members of the community for what happened to me, but I can't prevent myself from associating the trauma I've been through with the games anymore. Fire Emblem was my favorite video game series. I even cosplayed as Tana and Lucina. I have since thrown away everything I had related to Fire Emblem and tried to leave it behind. This is my story.
I want to thank Goosaphone, Soleil, and the many other extremely courageous individuals who have come out with their stories. Goosaphone's story felt disturbingly similar to my own in some ways and I realized that the community seems to think that Mangs is the only source of the problems we are experiencing. I never wanted to say anything, but I realize now that inaction may let this person get away without consequences while everyone focuses on Mangs. I can't let this behavior continue.
I first found out about Chaz Aria LLC through Youtube. I liked his voice and commentary style. I tried FE4 after seeing his channel. I was definitely a fan. When I heard that there was going to be a Fire Emblem panel at Anime North, I knew I had to attend. I love cosplaying, I love Fire Emblem, and I liked Fire Emblem Youtube.
I won't sugarcoat what happened to me: I was groped at Anime North by Chaz Aria LLC.
I approached Chaz after spotting him at the convention and told him I am a fan. We joked about how I was repping the worst Fire Emblem game (I was Tana) and I feel like I was too flirtatious with him. We were standing out in the open and he told me to come with him. I followed him around a corner where we were no longer in public view. That's when he looked me in the eyes and I realized something was about to happen. I didn't move. I didn't tell him not to do anything even though it was obvious where it was going. He thought I was flirting with him, and it's true that I had been smiling and laughing. I thought it was so cool to meet him. Chaz pushed me against the wall and groped my boobs with a smile on his face. I got the feeling that he was about to ask if I wanted to hook up. I grabbed his arms and joked about how things escalated quickly. I fake laughed for him before telling him my boyfriend is here and walking away.
As soon as I got in my car, I started crying so hard. I had been victimized before when I was 10 by someone who I thought I could trust and this brought every horrible feeling back. I thought that I had dealt with my past trauma, but here I had someone doing whatever he wanted with my body without considering my feelings.All the pain, anger, and contempt came flowing back.
I wish I had video footage of this. I wish I had concrete evidence. I don't want to have to go through the process of having my every word scrutinized and doubted again.
After my experience, I wanted an apology from Chaz. I wanted some kind of closure. I tried to bring this up to him through Twitter DM's.
https://imgur.com/2BJIN54 - Making sure he knows who I am
https://imgur.com/NSOYPJR - Trying to approach the subject
https://imgur.com/pPrlOf7 - Chaz's apology
I understand that Chaz may not have had bad intentions with what he did. He probably thought that I was interested in him sexually because of my body language, tone, or facial expressions. I wasn't. I want Chaz to learn that you have to explicitly ask before trying things. Especially with someone you just met.
I feel that I can no longer stay silent. I have seen others come out with their stories about Chaz and have some trying to discredit them. I feel sick to my stomach. I don't want to be a victim. I want to be known for something other than this. I am trying so hard to find my place.