Goose 🎵 · @Goosaphone
8th Jul 2020 from TwitLonger
Mangs
There's no easy way to say this, and I never wanted it to come to this. I'm scared. I'm trembling at the thought of potentially harming the Fire Emblem community I cherish, but I know this is the best course of action for everyone. It's time to do what's right. No more secrets. I won't allow my voice to be quieted.
The truth is, Mangs manipulated me, and at Anime North last summer, he sexually assaulted me.
This is my story.
When I first started talking to him in 2016, he noticed my cosplay through Facebook. Immediately, I felt objectified since mostly everything he had to say was about my figure or physical appearance. He even offered to feature me on his channel at this point in time, but I declined. Normally, I either left him on read or replied with a brief “thank you” because he came off too strong for my taste, but I didn't think much of it.
Mangs urged me to delete all records of our Facebook messages, but I feared the day would come where I would have to share my experiences, so I have screenshots for the purpose of making this statement as objective and accurate as possible. Mangs shared some screenshots of our recent DMs on Twitter to prove his concern for my mental health, but he hasn't always spoken to me so courteously.
Coincidentally, Mangs found my Twitch channel when I was streaming FE7X. Recognizing me, he contacted me through Facebook again. We talked for a while and he seemed to have changed for the better. He offered to stream with me and then record FEH banner reviews shortly after. I was cautious because of how he communicated with me in the past, but after thinking it over, I agreed because a collaboration with Mangs would help my growth as a streamer.
From then on, things started pretty innocently; he would solicit selfies of me quite frequently. At the time, I was dating someone else who was supportive of my friendship with Mangs because he knew it would help me grow as a streamer. This took place before I launched my Patreon, so his encouragement in the form of compliments on my looks were a boost to my self-esteem and felt good. Over time, I warmed up to him, even sharing my own sexual experiences because I was feeling more comfortable around him. However, this gradually escalated to a point where I felt it was getting inappropriate and I asked him to stop, which he did.
During our planning for Anime North, we decided to split a hotel room - a very normal thing to do at a con, right? I suggested the cheapest room option, which happened to be a single bed, not thinking I'd be put in any danger. As our plans progressed, some panelists like Pavise and Chaz didn't have a hotel situation solidified yet, so I told them there was space in our room. It's not abnormal for 4 or 5 people to dogpile into a cramped hotel room at cons, and I figured something like this would be the case. Mangs was not on board with this, claiming it was due to his introverted personality, and not because he wanted to be alone with me.
https://i.imgur.com/2VYy6PX.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/lq4re0a.jpg
Between planning and the con I received this string of drunk messages:
https://i.imgur.com/xvN7Y8i.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/ryWCIYF.jpg
Initially, I found these messages really funny and so did my boyfriend at the time, because his persona was always presented as a silly, horny dude who loves big tits. After a while though, it dawned on me that this dude literally said he wanted to fuck my tits, and I was to share a bed with him. I expressed my personal safety concern directly to Mangs, to which he replied:
https://i.imgur.com/SmsV18V.png
"I will not touch you at Anime North."
And so, I trusted him.
I think about this message a lot.
I expressed my concern to my mod Vanguard, who booked a 2-bed suite for my safety so I would have a bed for myself in case I felt uncomfortable again. We all hung out in this room for the majority of the weekend. Since Mangs missed his flight on Thursday, I stayed there. I slept in my room with Mangs Friday night, and everything went fine; we had fun, even. I remember us singing Heritors of Arcadia and sharing the progress of my PME. We slept a safe distance from each other on opposite sides of the king-sized bed.
Saturday morning, I was changing into my Nino cosplay while Mangs was in the bathroom. Mangs came in while I was changing without knocking or anything when he knew I was changing. He didn't see anything explicit, though. This could have been an accident and changing into an armored cosplay takes quite a bit of time, so I gave Mangs the benefit of the doubt.
Saturday night, I ended up falling asleep drunk in Vanguard's room again. Chaz asked Mangs to just let me sleep, but he woke me up anyway to take me back to his room. Concerned by his behavior, Chaz, Lucky Crit and Vanguard pulled me aside to talk to me in private while Mangs waited outside the room for me. I didn't have to go with Mangs, but I did. I felt guilty about refusing him. So, I went back with him, trusting that he would stick to his word and not touch me.
Sunday morning, I woke up being violated. I felt his dick pressed against my body. He was kissing my hair, rubbing my back and groaning. I remember this vividly.
Paralyzed in shock, I laid there in confusion. I pretended to wake up normally and took a shower. The rest of the con, I acted as if nothing happened.
Receipts of Mangs' various conflicting accounts of this event ranging from a sex dream, to a “misread”, to being half asleep, to just wanting to cuddle with a girl he’s attracted to.
https://i.imgur.com/lNNDfV8.png (Sex dream about someone else.)
https://i.imgur.com/kJVd6PW.png (Minimizing the event to touching my arm)
https://i.imgur.com/6vjmtnU.jpg (Half-asleep, and the “lesson” he has learned from all this)
https://i.imgur.com/mE86EkS.jpg (Not remembering the events and shifting partial blame onto me.)
https://i.imgur.com/r9NnNqE.jpg (Misreading me sleeping as an opportunity to cuddle. A “lapse of judgment” implies consciousness.)
It's difficult to understand what Mangs’ intentions were. He never seemed entirely honest from his side of things.
For context, the following conversation was around when the ProJared fiasco happened, and this was a joke. I don't recall him touching my boobs at all, but I was sleeping during part of this, so I can't confirm. I know it was a joke, but his dialogue here worried me.
https://i.imgur.com/x1MtLeY.png
In the spring, Mangs purchased some adult content from me. The next morning, he said he had done this when he was excessively drunk and felt extremely guilty. This is when he asked that we both clear our DM history. The night he bought these photos, he said something that makes me question whether or not this was an accident, although he has pleaded to me during calls (as recent as this past week) to believe him that he would never do such a thing on purpose:
https://i.imgur.com/Rm1eEvs.png
In addition to this, when we were walking around Toronto with Lucky Crit and Vanguard, I thought I felt a touch from behind on my butt. I remember looking over to Mangs, who was walking next to me, and he quickly looked away. Whether it was on accident or on purpose, I know what I felt. Vanguard witnessed this. Mangs offered to buy me a bra when we went to the mall with Vanguard before dropping him off at the airport, but I declined. As we said our goodbyes, he hugged me and whispered in my ear, “Come to Norway.”
Eventually, I worked up the courage to call and confront him seriously and firmly. I had always waffled a bit because I’m not a very confrontational person. I’m also afraid. He apologized to me despite claiming not to remember or intend any harm. I affirmed that whether or not it was conscious, his groping betrayed my trust and hurt me. He seemed genuinely remorseful, so I forgave him. Mangs made an effort to control himself, tried to bring our friendship back to normal, stopped any kind of sexual remarks, and dropped his Patreon subscription to $5 which doesn't include any lewd content. If he didn't placate my trauma like he did, I would've told my story sooner.
Although I thought that I had resolved this privately, I felt it eating away at me with every passing day as more upsetting stories emerged from within the gaming community. The weight of this slowly lifted as I came out to others within my wonderful support system and my therapist, which was a much needed reality check. It was not my fault. I need to stop being afraid.
Mangs’ tone would switch from a supportive friend to a manipulator so quickly that it put me into denial about his intentions in consoling me. When I told him I was going to come forward with my side of the story, he angrily told me he refused to allow himself to be branded as a sexual assailant. I wanted to comply because I valued our friendship as well as his career. I am not someone who goes back on a promise. But my promise to be honest with myself going forward is more important than a promise to someone who abused me.
I deserved better from Mangs, and I deserve to be heard.