My experiences within the smash NS community.
These are my experiences within the smash community that happened when I was 17/18 years old and still very new at the game. I kept quiet about them, because I just didn’t want to feel any emotions, and if I did I would break down. I’m talking about this to first and foremost help my local community to learn from my experiences, but also to try to make a difference for future minorities and minors who want to join the community. First, I’ll talk about my experiences with Alex (Taeuda), then move to Jeremy (Pkadriel), Dylan (Asprey), Andrew (Lysceth), and a few other players.
Alex and I met probably the second week I started going to weeklies in 2017 with Bailey (Bailo) when we were friends, then later on become a couple. Alex and I quickly became friends, but things turned sour just as fast. At a smash fest at Jeremys house the same year, I remember having a good time not drinking a lot, but Taeuda (Alex) was drinking a lot. Later in the night, I went to the porch to get some air/vape and Alex follows me. He asks me if I could kiss him, I said no, he asks if he could kiss me. I told him I was a bit uncomfortable, but he persisted. He grabbed my shoulders and kissed me. Leaving me to block out this incident out of my mind in hopes to never think about it again. That changed with quarantine making me realize that this shouldn’t of happened and I should’ve told someone. I was 17 he was 24/25 at the time.
At a monthly at the Last Game Store in July 2018, after Alex and I were out of bracket he invited me to play friendlies and played some doubles. We were teaming, and mind you I was still pretty new at the game. We lost every game, but they’re just friendlies so who cares. We got up from our seats when we were done, Alex faces me and slaps me on my face leaving me stunned. He then tells me, ‘’That's what you get for making us lose.’’ with a smile on his face. Other things happened that monthly to make it very grim. I remember going into Baileys car, feeling so degraded, pathetic and worthless. I sobbed for the whole car ride and the for the next few days.
A few days later, I tell my mom about what happened at the smash monthly. She gets absolutely furious and demands to talk to the store owner saying this behaviour is unacceptable and Alex should never be allowed back. I beg and beg for her to not say anything, because I felt so scared and just wanted to fit in. She accepts and then let it be. I had to talk to multiple TO’s about what happened a few months later with another experience with Andrew Asprey (Lysceth) *I talk about it later in the text* Having to talk to multiple people, multiple times put a strain on my mental health. So later, made it more difficult to talk to people about these experiences. They gave Alex a 3 week ban for slapping me.
A few months ago in May. Alex and a few other smash players (including Aaron, a prominent TO in the smash NS community) and I were playing League. Alex’s playing ADC and I was support. We lost a 2v2 duel Alex got really mad, started screaming at me and called me a bitch for picking a “do-nothing” champion. I remember feeling so disgusted and furious towards Alex. Later, he gave a half-assed apology to me, after the fact Aaron told him how he should apologize to me. I haven’t talked to him since this event.
My relationship with Jeremy (PKadriel) was a little odd from the start. He would say things like “You’re the only girl I’d sleep with..” when he was openly gay, but we continued being friends, because he opened up to me about his troubles when he was younger. At Smashfests when I was underaged he would give me alcohol. At one Smashfest (Bailey and I started dating then) Jeremy was very drunk, I wasn't drinking a lot. He said again “That I was the only girl he’d sleep with.” Bailey and I were standing together and then Jeremy started touching my chest. Bailey and I stood stunned for a bit. I honestly remember my mind blocking out the rest of that night.
My experience with Dylan Asprey was a short one, but stayed with me for some reason. I was 17 and was friends with Alex at the time so i went up to see him and Dylan were doing. They were looking at lewd anime and Dylan answered by saying “I’m looking at little girls.” He looks at me “Because I love little girls.” I’m not sure why this one really fucked me up, it gave me nightmares for months straight afterwards.
When I was still new in the game, Andrew (Lysceth) and I teamed for doubles. After we lost our sets, he yelled at me in front of everyone in the venue, saying I was bad and shouldn’t be playing the game. I felt very depressed and in the future, scared to played doubles with anyone else, in fear that I’ll be yelled at. The TO’s gave him a 3 week ban, when he returned he would play with my hair in hopes that I would forgive him. Everytime I would just freeze and not say anything, until the next few times I told him to stop, he stopped.
Brian (Fluffy) and Brandon (Bean) have referred and called me a “loli” at smash before. This behaviour is absolutely disgusting degrading a woman to a sexualized drawing of underaged girls, this caused me to have body image issues and feel disgusted with myself.
When I would mention these situations to Bailey (my then-boyfriend) he would either joke about it and/or say I liked being assaulted. That stopped me from telling TO’s like Aaron or Cole about these incidents causing me to have self-doubt.
I didn’t tell a soul until I talked to my new boyfriend and confidant, Angus. He made me realize I absolutely need to tell a TO in the smash community to let myself heal. I’m sharing my stories in hopes to shine light on people's behaviour and make the community grow into something beautiful. These people I mentioned will get the punishment they deserve. I will look forward to having fun and playing smash in a safe environment. I'm also looking forward to the future of the smash community and the gaming scene to be more aware of injustices minors and women have to go through.
I have to thank Aaron for being with me when things were tough and listened to me through everything. I trust Cole in making the right decision for future smash events, protecting minors and minorities with new protocols.