RebeccaRE (レベッカ) · @RebeccaRE13
5th Jul 2020 from TwitLonger
I want to get this off my chest and facing my demons
Hora de ya cerrar un círculo
Time to go full circle.
I feel it's time to draw strength regarding everything that has happened. I was going to leave all my social networks behind for a while these days, until my friends told me about what has been going on and I'm sincerely shocked. I want you to know that my motivation is not to make his situation worse than it already is, but to close my own circle of this story and begin treatment as soon as possible, besides, since I gave my testimony and left the internet before all this happened, I just learned last night about all this that's going on.
For those that are not aware, I wrote up my testimony before all this happened on June 26th (https://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1sr9qch). Initially I didn't have the strength to name the person being talked about, but a bunch of people messaged me internally to mention they had their suspicions of who it was because of what happened yesterday. If you can see it says "2014" and "Skype"... yes, the person was ZeRo, but before speaking my mind regarding this, I'm going to clear up a lot of things.
I do believe people are capable of change, but sadly in the past he already did a ton of damage, most of it without the possibility of being repaired, and if he is going through a rough time, imagine the pain that his victims have gone through these past 5-6 years. I want to also mention that I wasn't underage, I'm 27, so at that time (2014) I was 21 and he was 19. My psychological damage begins from the issue of my condition called Gastroschisis, that ended up causing me multiple scars on my abdomen plus contributing to developing very low self-esteem and depression during my life. Having said this, I was someone that trusted people too much and I was scared of losing the people I cared about the most, giving them all the love I had. I held ZeRo in very high esteem and I thanked him enormously for his support when I had just begun my speedrunning career, but sadly he didn't know how to deal with women and asking me for those photos, talking about women in an extremely sexualized way and deleting me out of nowhere after he entered a steady relationship, made me feel like a toy that was discarded because he wasn't able to get what he wanted from me. My pain was so horrible that it took me a long time to be able to socialize with men again and I isolated myself too much for fear of being betrayed that way, but it's something that I really want to move on from and leave all that pain behind.
I read what he wrote about his past and it pains me to see what he went through, but sadly abuse usually brings more abuse and nothing that happened to you justifies your wrongdoings. Getting involved the way he did with underage girls is something terrible, not only because of sexual abuse, but also because they are prone to be manipulated and that, combined with the admiration they have... it's a ticking time bomb that was bound to blow up someday. I also admired him a lot back in the day and when he closed off all contact with me from one day to the next, it was a horrible feeling where I tried to write to him multiple times to try to understand what was going on, why did he make that decision, but I never had an answer... only life started giving me the answers I looked for. It hurts realizing he wasn't only manipulative, but also abusive... You should have closed that circle of your own torment, but I guess I can understand why you couldn't realize that what you were doing was wrong. The adult figures he surrounded himself with, they're all being accused of abuse and the youtuber I mentioned in my testimony was Cryaotic, also being accused (He literally said to him "just bang her"). No one of them tried to stop him from doing all those things through Skype or any events, but I trust that thanks to his girlfriend he was able to change multiple aspects of his life and I think I understand that he only wanted to be loved by somebody and to leave the pain behind or at least hidden, but it's no excuse to discard people like I felt back in that time.
I see that he is going to undergo rehabilitation and honestly I wish him the best in life. He did cause pain, but wishing ill and death to someone is almost as lowly as the reprehensible acts that he made in the past, and I truly hope he can find peace in life. Don't bother his girlfriend either, I'd say she's just another victim as the people harmed by him were, and I hope they can find consolation and solace with each other. I know Tempo offered to help the victims, but in my case, I don't want anything, I don't want money, I don't want followers by pity, or anything, I just want to find closure from this circle that has tormented me for years and because of the fear and anguish crisis that the recent events helped return to my life.
Thanks to my family and friends I'm undergoing psychological treatment and I'll stay away from social networks for a while, that includes streaming because I don't want to be talked about him on Twitch, much less being followed because of all this, I want people to follow me for my work as a Speedrunner. If at any point either him or his victims wish to contact me, I'm open to read them and hopefully we can all somehow heal from this. My most sincere wishes of strength to endure go to the underage victim, I truly hope you can find consolation in life, and I know your friends will be there for you in this long journey. If anyone wants screenshots, I only have what was his Skype contact accompanied by the date he deleted/blocked me, and I'll only send that privately, everything else was explained in the testimony I wrote a few days ago.
A huge hug to everyone, and I can finally say I've made my peace with all this.
Rebecca.