My response and moving forward

Hello. Addressing this now. I'm sorry if this came after the Lights twitlonger but someone's mental health was at stake there.

Going to be addressing everything that I can.
I did not spread rumors about Chia's transition. I was told by Atomsk at a fest that he matched with her on Tinder. I actually told her this in person because I felt like it was IMPORTANT information later on when we became closer. So when Chia came out publicly, when I saw her at Smash Con, and the first time I saw her at The Lab I was extremely kind to her.

About Chia's Frostbite spot, I was told by Vayseth at Genesis that Chia had done multiple favors for them in the past and that's why she got the spot. I was definitely upset but I did not once try and get her spot instead of me. I vented to a lot of people about this incident a lot because I was upset moreso at the hierarchy of the incident.

Here is the portion about the Lights situation because we both took accountability and Chia DID NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO USE THAT IN HER CALL OUT POST

Philly Incident:

After everything came to light, I supported Chia in front of her face. I took her out for lunch even at Photastic at The King of Prussia Mall. I use jokes and edgy humor as a way to make light of situations, that usually makes me laugh but others it's not funny. Chia did not make it abundantly clear that she did not want me making jokes about the situation. I should've stopped when she said she wasn't okay the first, third, and however many times she said "no". That was me being insensitive and I will own that completely. Chia is saying I sided with Philly because I did not retweet and like the post made by Froot initially, it was a genuine shocking post to read and really I just genuinely forgot. I know EVERYONE mentioned that post and I should've stepped more up and been more vocal on my platform about supporting her. The person who I called in the car who was my best friend who I tell literally everything to and someone who met most people in Philly at an event last summer, who is also LGBTQIA+ and was disturbed by the incident and shared it with him.

Later on though, once Chia and Moosh had officially cut ties and ended their contract, I offered to help Chia move things out of the lab. Chia waited in the parking lot and Zant, someone who she was friends with and worked on the stream with, walked across the street into the lab to get her stuff. Waiting inside was Moosh who I gave a very small hello to.

In terms of Philly never apologizing to Chia, Unfortunately there's a really hard screenshot to get but Wawa Peach reached out to me on the League of Legends client over what he can do to try and mend the situation. I offered maybe a mediation circle or something at the Lab but I was being hopeful. Nothing came from that conversation but Chia was aware some people were trying to reach out to me about what they could do.

So for Chia to outwardly say I sided with Philly isn't fair. I didn't side with anyone. I sided with myself and for that I am wrong.

About Joel/Beast:
At first, yes, I did ask Chia to make sure I wasn't to fall for Beast again. Our first breakup was VERY hard on me, I was so destroyed, I'm sure all of you remember. As we began speaking again, we were able to iron out our issues. Chia was being a good friend about that and I'm NOT taking that away from her. But as we continued to work on our issues, Joel asked me to keep things private for our sake and I agreed to do that. Even not tell some of my best friends.

In regards to Joel's behavior in using slurs. Yes I know it's an issue. But we've been working on it. I hold him accountable A L O T. There have been multiple times where he will get angry and write something on his phone and I will tell him to calm down and delete it. I'm not here to speak for Joel but as he explains it to me that he grew up with people saying it all the time that it has desensitized himself to gravity of that word. He knows now that it is not okay and truly does his best to not say anti-LGBTQIA+ words. I've seen him almost slip up a couple times on commentary and he's corrected himself. This is something he is STILL WORKING ON TO THIS DAY AND I AM PROUD THAT HE IS TRYING TO MAKE HIMSELF BETTER. We are growing together AS PEOPLE and we have a great relationship as of now.

About the whole taunting thing. I watch Joel's matches, regardless of who it's with. I support my significant other whenever I can period. I am usually the loudest one in the venue when he plays, ask anyone in Tristate. It is NEVER personal. I love my boyfriend and I want to support him Also getting hit by a back throw flare blitz is so awful.

Apologies that never happened:

Froot, Jut, and myself had talks about fixing things up with Philly and Chia and myself several times, this whole fight was extremely hard on Jut who loves both sides and everyone involved so he BEGGED me to try and make amends, I said I was open to conversation, and even with all of this I told Froot that I would be open to have a conversation with Chia and Froot was also disappointed she never showed.

Froot was the main point of contact with Chia but I can only show my conversations with Froot about the missed apologies, I didn't know that Chia DIDN'T want to apologize to me. I confided in people like Jrx and with Joel to see if they would be open to a conversation to start the initial repairs since those were the people in Philly I was closest to at the time.
I never EXPECTED an apology from Chia. She even told me after flaking the first time that she was going to apologize and asked if she could come to BAEcation tonight do so but I was sick and Beast was TOing the tournament as usual so I didn't think it was the right time. After she told me before Frostbite she would talk to me there but when she walked by me and didn't say anything. I was mad again.

About that dinner:

Yes, there were two separate groups that went to dinner. The NJ girl group usually went after everyone was out of bracket and they went to Applebees, and since I drove the Philly smashers, we usually stayed until the end of grand finals and then went to Buffalo Wild Wings. I wasn't avoiding them. That Fusion was tense because I was expecting the apology that Froot, Jut and I set up and Chia never approached me. So Joel and I were already pissed there. At that exact dinner was when Venia told me his claim vs Froot and I was even more angrier. So yes, I talked shit and sent the one screenshot I gave him about Froot and I's conversation. Jazzy G ended up telling Froot who ended up confronting me that night and then telling Chia. I felt hurt and betrayed at that moment. I have said this to Froot personally but I regret believing Venia at face value. Froot and I are working on eventually having a phone call soon when she's okay.

About literally everything else:
Did I have this coming, yeah probably. Gossip is something that has not been stranger to me for a long time but honestly, you're a liar if you said you've never gossiped before. Yes there are people that I have hurt more than others but a lot of them have blocked me (good reason to) so I can't make amends but when everything settles down and I come back from this Twitter break, I'll be open again. But in terms of looking like a saint socially, I don't think that's true at all, especially in the last couple days. For the past couple days I have owned accountability for EVERYTHING that happened. Lost hundreds of followers for it but I've messaged SO many people privately about fixing my wrongs. I try my best to use my platform for good a lot. For the past 3 years I've raised money on my personal stream for St. Jude and worked with a lot of charity in the days. Yes, I am very flawed as a human being, but I asked Josie who was once part of our Sailor Scout friend group and she said the entire friend group was based on gossip I mean really, 6-7 girls together, it's almost a guarantee, no one in that friend group is innocent of gossiping.

The post about Crownless by Echo Sean is being completely blind sided because Crownless and I actually had an in person discussion about this at the PSS after the incident and he never put that in the twitlonger about me and multiple people have apologized for signaling it like Cougy and Glentendo once Echo Sean posted it and asked them to retweet it.
If there are people that I have hurt, I encourage them to come to me on Discord so we can discuss this and make things better. I can't fix my past but I want to do better for the future.

I ask for not forgiveness but for understanding. I will not be searching for a friendship with Chia and Froot after this incident is over, instead just understanding of why it all happened in the first place. I never sent anyone after Chia. I cried in multiple discord calls today saying I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I appreciate everyone standing up for me. I wish this could've been settled privately when it could've been solved but I suppose this was the route I had to take.

For now, I'm leaving Smash twitter, I have no idea how long. I'm not banned from tournaments or anything like this so you may see me pop up in a bracket or two on WiFi but I'm going to take some time off from all the craziness and just try and become a better person alone. I'm already in therapy sessions every monday so I'll be continuing those. I can't express how sorry I am to the people I hurt. I understand it all falls on deaf ears at this point but it's is better than just never talking about period. I hope my screenshots clear things up too. I'm not saying I'm innocent but I am saying I act very emotionally when I'm hurt and I will try and take a more logical post in the future.

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