V-Idol Alice C. Alucard 🔞 · @ACARabbitGaming
3rd Jul 2020 from TwitLonger
What Do I Do?
For those who have not yet been aware of what's going on with me, I'm currently on a hiatus and there is a chance that I may never stream again. I haven't really been enjoying the past few streams to the fullest and have been stressing out constantly, though hiding it under a mask, until I attempted to do a 72 hour stream with the expectation, that I would probably end up dying or just getting physically ill. I went with the expectation to really destroy myself. However, on the 21st hour, I didn't really care for doing it anymore and I couldn't be bothered to have my viewers watching anymore. So I ended the stream prematurely and just sat there wondering what I was ever going to do. I don't have any sense of direction for the things that I have been doing. I have just been tried over and over to create content for people. Not just on Twitch, but on Twitter, Patreon, YouTube, Pixiv, etc. and quite frankly I think it's just all too much.
I know streaming is my own primary source of income, and it's unfortunately because I can't seem to have a job elsewhere, due to terrible luck (Haven't had a job in over a year of looking, to the point where I just gave up). So I've tried to find other ways to create the income for me by providing other content for the fans, with the latest thing being music. I also wanted to work on poetry e-books, but it looks like I might not be able to do it, because of this mental stress causing me a great headache.
Another thing that has been bothering me, is that there is someone, or some people who are also looking to cause trouble between me and those close to me already. But I don't want to give it too much attention. I just want you all to be aware that there could be a possible problem concerning me in the future. As far as I can tell, they aren't part of the Vtuber community, so I'm not putting any blame on the community at large, but there is at least one person trying to cause trouble for the sake a "fun".
I don't know when I'll start streaming again, or if I ever will stream again. But I'm going to stop here, because my head is really killing me now, despite all the Ibuprofen I took. I'll likely talk to you guys again in either your streams or on Twitter again. I don't even think I'll upload anything on YouTube this week or the upcoming weeks.
If my entire post seems "scattered" in terms of not staying on topic or whatever, that's just a testament to how I'm feeling right now, so yeah. Anyway, I'm gonna end here. Try and live casually everyone.