RIP july 2, 2020
this wont be long and wont be eloquent, im still processing
i didnt see the proposal until it was too late but that doesnt change the fact that i wasnt able to be there for him.
he was amazing. he taught me how to have fun, to experience more, and challenged me to try to be more than what i was. he was larger than life, too big for this world.
he brought me to realize that i knew NOTHING about depression, NOTHING about mental health issues. i had this vague idea of what it was and embarrassingly thought that i could help with trivial bullshit.
we loved each other but it came with its difficulties. i was insanely insecure when it came to him, i couldnt even recognize myself. i dont feel that i was able to be the person that he needed in his life.
we need better support for those with mental needs. i remember byron telling me how traumatized he was when he had the authorities called on him for being at risk of suicide. anyone that knew him knew how much it scared and affected him. THIS CANT BE HOW PEOPLE FEEL ABOUT THE PLACES THAT SHOULD BE KEEPING THEM SAFE. HOW THE FUCK IS THAT OK? friends dont feel that its the right move to call for help when they know that the mental institutions they get sent to treat them like animals incapable of understanding. FUCK that stupid ass logic song about the hotlines.
my heart hurts. im sure many of yours do as well. byron just wanted everyone to be friends, so lets be that for each other during these difficult times.
i will do my best to live as the best human i can be, byron. i promise. rest in peace.