Laika 🐾 · @iamlordlaika
1st Jul 2020 from TwitLonger
on Eikelmann, start to finish.
I'm tired of watching people just let him slide by like nothing happened. I'm so angry that I have to deal with the physical and mental ramifications of his abuse while he still gets to play like nothing ever happened.
Eikelmann (Ian) And I met over Facebook through smash in summer 2015. He had just moved from Orlando right by where I was living, to Colorado. We spent a weekend hanging out, I was dating someone else at the time, an older brawl player who knew eikelmann by reputation.
I later broke up with him, because we were 6 years apart in age, and I felt I had matured enough to realize the gravity of dating someone that much older than I was. That being said, it was a long time ago, and I realize now just how serious that was, but this isn't about that. I was still coming to terms with being trans, and I desperately wanted to be validated as someone who was attractive. Because I identified as a woman, I played into that for sexual attention that I felt I wasn't getting from the relationship I broke from to get it from Ian.
I was caught up with, and enamored by Ian's charm, and was interested in pursuing him. I was 21 at the time, and still very impressionable. I always have been. I don't have a squeaky clean dating history, and I'm ashamed of the way I've treated my friends because of it. But it admittedly set the course for what was to come with dating Ian, and I'm glad that I've learned the lessons I have because of all of this. Dont let that take away from what I'm about to say.
We didn't start dating initially, but we talked often, and he gave me the kind of sexual attention I was looking for to validate myself. I didn't see just how toxic and bad it was. It didn't start getting really bad until he told me that he loved me. We exchanged photos, and words of affection back and forth for the better part of a year, until I went to Colorado to visit him in summer 2016. I have photos from this trip still on Facebook. We had a great time, he stayed in the hotel room I bought for the week. I began to suspect that he had been talking to another girl when I saw his phone in passing. I pressed the issue, and he told me that this girl was nothing to worry about. I knew it wasn't true, but I stayed by him because he continued to validate me the way I felt I needed to be happy as a woman. He said he loved me, so I trusted him that he really did. This went on back and forth until finally he moved from Colorado.
Ian lived in my parents house in SFL with me for several months. From Fall of 2017 until February or March of 2018. He moved from Colorado to "be with me." while he continued to cheat on me through our entire 2 year relationship with the same girl who knew about it, and revealed it all to me later on, she and I met at EVO, and squashed the beef. She shared stories of his abuse against her as well. If she sees this, I hope that she can speak on this.
In the time that Ian lived in my home, he was stealing alcohol from my parents cabinet, buying cheap beer, and liquor and getting drunk nearly every night.
I knew that it would lead to something bad, but because he would often get angry, and aggressive while drinking, I was afraid of him.
Time passed, and my parents were wary that he wouldn't get a job and that he was taking advantage of their kindness. I was in contact with his mom , and told her about it. He then was planning to move to be with her because he I guess felt the pressure. That was the plan, we were gonna live together until I was to graduate in may, or June of 2018. But then in February, shortly after having that conversation about moving with his mom, I began to suspect that I might be pregnant. I was on birth control, and Ian told me that he had a vasectomy, and insisted on it, even showed me pictures of paperwork for it. So there was no way I could have gotten pregnant, right??
So I just figured they were weird cramps, and it was nothing. Then in mid February, Ian initiated sex with me in my bathroom, locked the door and sodomized me, despite me telling him very explicitly in the past that I was not okay with anal stuff. He continued to do so despite my protests, so I just let it happen through tears. it hurt so badly, but I was afraid of what he would do, he held me there in front of the mirror, I could see what he was doing to me, I was so ashamed and afraid. My dad came up the stairs to call for us to go to dinner, and Ian stopped abruptly. I was left standing in the bathroom shaking in fear. I was in so much pain, when I checked to see what he had done, I was bleeding significantly enough that it went through my underwear. I got into the backseat of my dad's truck to go to dinner. I sat silent next to Ian through tears. I was just in complete shock about what had just happened. He sat there like nothing happened, and like it was just okay.
Fast forward a week or so, and I had driven Ian to another friends place in Gainesville. I spent the four hour drive there pretending like it was just because my parents didn't want him in the house. But really my plan was just to leave him somewhere far away, and never see him again. So I sat in the car for hours just talking to him like things were okay. I was so afraid. I reached out to my ex boyfriend who I hadn't talked to in two years at this point for help. He guided me through a lot of that process, texting me as I got Ian out of my house and I'm grateful for it.
Ian was gone, and I thought it was over.
I went to planned parenthood to squash the fear that I might be pregnant, because I had missed my period for the month of February. Turned out that I was. But how?? He was so SURE that he had gotten a vasectomy, and I was still taking birth control, so HOW could this have happened??
Regardless, I have conservative parents, and I was afraid to tell them I had gotten pregnant by this guy that they didn't want in their house. I also have pre existing conditions, and I just wasn't sure if I could go through a pregnancy. This isn't about abortion rights, or whatever I'm just sharing what happened. ANYWAY
I was ashamed, and alone. I didn't have any money. I had to tell Ian. When I did so, he told me it wasn't his responsibility to help me get an abortion, so I went to his mother, who gave me the money to get the process done. I'm grateful to her for her help, despite being disappointed for not holding him accountable for something he did. Here are screenshots with the exchanges with his mom about him moving out, the last two are in regard to the abortion; http://imgur.com/gallery/MqoIIfD
So I got the abortion, I don't know if anyone else reading this has had one done before, but the immense pain I went through during the healing process was worse than anything I've ever experienced in my life, Even to this day. Turns out, that it didn't go the way that it was supposed to, and I have a great deal of scar tissue, and cystic bumps that developed on the damaged tissues. It affects me still to this day. Getting to the point where I can enjoy sex without pain, or complications has taken so much healing, and time, and it is still to this day, sometimes complicated. I'm blessed to have a patient, and understanding partner who knows my limits, and respects them.
Here we are. Two years later. I spoke about this in July 2018, the community made short effort to ban him from bigger events , Gatorlan being the first to my knowledge. And yet, I hear and see evidence in the open that he is still actively playing. Ian continued to text me in passing, calling me late at night, leaving voicemails on occasion out of the blue, until I came out as trans earlier this year. I know that I am not the only victim of his abuse, and sexual advances. If you see this, and have a story about him, I implore you to share it, so that justice takes place finally. I am tired of speaking out against him, and getting no call to arms to expose this person. I am tired of living in fear. Please do the right thing. Please.