deerBride · @deerBride
29th Jun 2020 from TwitLonger
CFL Smash pedophile issues
I've been holding onto this for a while, but its been too much for me to hold on to as its built up a lot of stressed and caused mental problems for me throughout the years. Seeing a lot of these posts on twitter coming out has really made me feel this is the best time to bring this up. I just wasnt sure at the time if I shouldve made a move publicly, but with the word of friends they encouraged me to speak my mind.
I dont know if theres been other issues in CFL but these are my personal experiences.
When I was 14-15 (im 17 now) I used to go to smackdown locals at the old venue. To begin things without stretching things out, during that age I had slept with Alois and another player Cruz_Control.
Starting on the first case. I met Alois at smackdown and we became friends upon meeting each other. We talked on kik often. During this time I was a very lost kid in the sense that, at home I wasnt happy, constantly depressed from my home life and my lifes happiness primarily came from distractions and that main piece was smash. I always saw attention and affection as my main way of ignoring my problems. I talked about the home life problems to Alois often and told her about how I was. I was VERY vulnerable to sexual acts as a kid, I was wrong to let things just happen as well as go along with them, to me they were my way of gaining validation from those I looked up to (the older crowd of my locals). One night I was sent explicit images and videos from Alois regarding things like her performing fellatio on someone and being asked to perform sexual acts over the mic. I felt that this was the main way to get those to accept me is to follow along. The day after was met with regret from the both of us, Alois stated that they were under the influence of edibles during that night. We talked it over for a bit and I said we can just hang out as normal friends. We came to my local park and hung out for a bit. We walked an empty trail in a forest and we brought up the subject of last night. This went along the area of us talking about our sexual lives. We came to a stop in the trail and ending up kissing and by then got to more explicit sexual things. We left the park and went on home. These actions ive made were wrong, at 14 i still was afraid of being alone and losing friends. I didnt have a lot to my name at the time and wanted nothing but to be close with someone who gave me physical and emotional affection that would make me forget about my problems. This happened a year later when i was 15 and Alois picked me up from school and brought me to the park to perform more sexual acts. I talked privately about this to a friend right after and started feeling like my only form of connection with them was through sex and them promising the satisfactory in my emotions. Alois was aware of my age at the time and wanted to keep things a secret and asked me to ensure i say nothing. I started realizing now after listening to friends that care about me that all of this was wrong and that i shouldnt keep shut due that i felt id hurt someones feelings. I recognized i was wayyy too young for things like that, right out of middle school into high school. At 17 now i needed to not worry about how ill effect those who hurt and abused me when i was young.
A second case went on nearly after everything with Alois. I stopped talking to them and tried to move on from it. At 15 i was still overly depressed and still wanted affection from someone who would care for me and tell me things that id want to hear, which was the wrong way to go about it. I started getting into melee as i was having a fall out with smash 4 and started going to melee locals. I asked for netplay matches and a player name Cruz_Control added me and we talked about ourselves after some matches. He went straight to assuming that i was gay due that i talked in a "cute" way. He told me he was bi himself and we began to talk a lot more. I looked up to him a lot as he was a fairly prominent figure in the CFL melee scene. He'd give me random nights of coaching and so on. He knew i had mentality issues and was always there to comfort me and would get real close and cuddle me up. He gave me all this mental reassurance whenever id be upset with myself and always be close with me. Finally lead to us getting a little to close and i slept with him. After this i came uncomfortable with everything but still wanted him there to give me that mental guidance as he was the only one in the melee community that would talk to me as well as coach me. One day he was carpooling me to smackdown and his tire broke down. He pulls off to the side and has someone come and bring a spare piece. That person arrives and runs straight to my side of the window and tells me all about how hes seen our messages and how close me and cruz have been and says to never talk to him again. As i realized this is Cruz's boyfriend that he also lives with. We get back in the car and he immediately puts his hand on my lap and strokes my thigh. we get to the local and he asks to "mess around" a little out back i constantly told him im not comfortable with it. He keeps pushing to go and i give in but say only just to walk. We go around and he grabs me innapropriately. i just lied and claimed my brother was here to pick me up and went out front.
Overall, im sorry to all for holding this information for so long. I just had all this building up and i need a clear mind. i have friends now that care about me and want whats best for me and gave me the courage to speak out. I speak out for those with similar stories in the community and hope the best of luck in life for them. I want this community to be clean and free of drama like this. I hope those close to me can understand my point of view. I wasnt perfect as a kid but i realize now actions and moves shouldnt have been remotely made on me as they were full on adults.