I'm sorry.

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I need to address what happened to my Twitch channel and my community, as well as say some very overdue things to everyone involved.

On the 24th of June the DreadedCone channel was banned from Twitch. This left a lot of people confused and a lot of questions unanswered.

These words should’ve been said a long time ago.

I put an end to a relationship I was in 2 years ago. I made many mistakes throughout that relationship that came to light about one month after we broke up. When I was faced with them I reacted with pure cowardice and avoidance believing that by laying low and making some brief statements I could let it blow over and move on. I had never been confronted with so much public outrage and I failed to take the responsibility of owning up to my actions.

My relationship with Candace became one of dependence and reliance. After she received treatment for an eating disorder, she never returned to work, aside from occasionally helping me with Twitch channel branding and assisting with art commissions (a few times per month). With this being our only source of income it led to many financial burdens as well as general stress on our relationship.

The dependence Candace had on me became so severe that I truly believed that she would be a danger to herself if we ever broke up, as she often suffered from acute depression. I felt absolute responsibility for the painful aftermath that I imagined would unfold and believed deeply that Candace would become suicidal. I felt helpless and trapped in a loveless dependent relationship and I wrongly looked elsewhere to fill that gap. Since my entire social life was on the internet I acted on flirtation I was receiving within my community.

This devolved into a series of lewd conversations with people from my stream. Only consenting adults were involved and absolutely no coercion took place, however my actions caused deep emotional pain because I abused my position as a celebrity. I should have never become personally involved with any of my viewers. Due to the open nature of our relationship, at the time, I believed I had consent to share a private photo of Candace with mutual friends. I know now that was not the case and cannot be excused under ANY circumstances. Any claim that the image was illegal in any way is false and if I ever thought otherwise I would have never had the photo in the first place.


Another accusation I have to address involves an incident many years ago, during a Halloween party where Candace believes she was sexually assaulted. The party involved drinking and had a mutually flirtatious vibe which led 4 of us (myself, Candace, another girl and another guy) to the bedroom at the end of the night. From my perspective everyone involved in the sexual encounter was entirely aware, voluntary, and there was no coercion involved. Furthermore the following morning the 4 of us had sex again and there was also no objection or discomfort brought forth by anyone from my experience of the event.
Candace, if you recall the experience differently then I am deeply, truly sorry.

Over the last two years I believe I have changed a lot as a person and I will continue to reflect on what I’ve done and find ways to grow.
It took most of my life to realize I am not a monogamous person and have taken steps to be with similar people. I have tried to develop what I thought were healthy relationships with communication and trust. I have been actively trying to do things the right way.

Why did it take me 2 years to write these words? I'm a coward. Almost nothing gives me more anxiety than talking about my personal life and answering to criticisms and accusations about it. In the aftermath of Candace's statements I was hit with more attention, contempt, and confusion than I've ever experienced in my life. Panic, depression and suicidal thoughts dominated every moment. I knew I needed to share my experiences and answer for what I was being accused of but I didn't. I issued poor statements and weak apologies as I tried to make sense of the endless tirade of Candace’s manic tweets. Fielding both accusations and bizarre personal attacks of an unrelated nature caused me to break. I withdrew and tried to let things blow over in an attempt to maintain and salvage my dream and my livelihood.

I no longer deserve to be a public figure because I’ve abused the privilege that goes along with it. I believe that I’ve grown in the last 2 years in many ways but it’s not enough. I’m seeking professional help to learn ways to deal with my demons. Living the last several years of my life almost purely online has absolutely twisted how I view relationships and I’m ready to confront that with therapy. I’ve hurt many people with my actions and have failed to say something very important to my community, everyone affected by my actions, and most importantly Candace.

If you have felt emotional abuse or manipulation because of my actions I’m sorry. There is no excuse for the pain I have caused you by abusing my position. I will do everything I can moving forward to make sure no one ever experiences that again. I wish I hadn’t broken the trust you placed in me.

Candace, there are no right words for this. It’s 2 years too late and you deserve more than a statement on Twitter. What I did to you has caused you to carry a burden of pain for years. You have the right to feel frustrated and hurt that a portion of your life was wasted because of my actions and lies. As I seek professional help to confront my depravity I hope you can move on from this nightmare. I’m sorry Candace.

This is it. I’m leaving and I’m not coming back. Streaming has been an incredible journey and I will not take for granted the moments I’ve shared with my wonderful community. I know for many of you reading this the DreadedCone community was a home for you and I hope you are able to take those friendships you have forged with you into the next thing.

I will no longer be posting online in any capacity and I will leave this statement pinned to Twitter.

Goodbye.

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