I fucked up, I hurt someone, and I'm sorry.
I fucked up, and I hurt someone.
There is no excuse for this. I remember that night, I recall it regularly with shame, and all of it was irresponsible. I was out of control and completely inappropriate with Kelly, not mindful of her physical space or consent, and that is abhorrent behavior. From what I remember, my intentions to get her alone were innocent, I admired her when we had met before and wanted to talk outside of the party atmosphere and become proper friends, but my intentions mean absolutely nothing when the person on the receiving end is threatened. I did not recognize that I was threatening, nor did I respect her space, and that is unforgivable. When someone is hurt, all intent goes out the window. The only thing that matters is the victim.
Abusers will often turn the tables and say they are the victim. I am NOT the victim, I am the problem. I hurt someone I respected and admired, and I have also hurt my friends. They had to babysit me that night, and that shouldn't be their responsibility. It's mine. I was out of control, and I am so very sorry.
The least I can do for Kelly, I will never go to ECCC or a comic-con again. No parties, no surrounding areas. If I recognize her somewhere, I will be the one to leave. She should feel safe in these spaces, she did nothing wrong. She is a professional in the comics industry, and I made that harder for her. It's only right that I be the one to vacate that space so she feels more comfortable in her work environment.
I'm sorry to her, and to everyone. Trust is something that is earned, and five years ago I proved that I don't deserve it.