TobiWan did not take No for an answer
After my twitlonger yesterday (http://tl.gd/n_1sr9ner), I was ready to let things go, log into my other twitter account and forget the password for this one once again. But what happened today made me so furious that I am past the point of caring. I am not sure if I can get hurt any more than I already am.
The person who could not take "No" for an answer and initiated sexual activity with me against my clear and repeated wishes is Toby "TobiWan" Dawson.
You will not need to yell for proof. Toby has admitted to doing this in a private conversation I had with him today, the first time we talked in 9 years. I initiated this conversation; he did not contact me.
Here's the details I will give you: It was the winter of 2011, I was 18, a child with no concept of consent, red flags or friends-with-benefits. I thought if two people liked each other, they would become boyfriend and girlfriend. Toby was a 26-year-old man, fully aware that of my age and my naivety.
Shortly before I went to Berlin to meet him in person, we were playing a harmless game of "20 questions", or what you will call it. You know, "Have you been in love?" and the like. His last question was "How many inches do you think I am?". I said "Oh, like your body height?". This should be enough to show you that I was a dumb/innocent kid with a crush. Yes, I still have that chat log. 158 pages. I kept it to this day in case I ever needed it, in case he would ever point the finger at me.
Those of you who have been around for a while remember the incident around Kelly Milkies, to be precise Toby slut-shaming her for having different partners and turning an entire community against her. Whenever I considered coming forward, I remembered that story.
I felt alone with these feelings until today, when Toby's half-assed apology got my furious to the points my hands and my voice were shaking. He wrote: "For mistakes I have made in the past I tried my best to discuss privately with those I have wronged to allow them to freely speak their mind".
I was not contacted.
Imagine that slap in the face.
Getting his contact information was a matter of seconds for me and would have been the same for him. He immediately admitted he did not message me, but did not say why. I asked him if he knew what he had done to me and to describe it in the detail to make sure we were on the same page. He knew, though it was the last thing he listed. Yes, there was more, but this was the biggest issue.
The conversation was dragged out, he apologised multiple times for the delayed replies. His fiancee wanted him away from the computer. Does she know? Well, she does now.
He said sorry many time, that it was a difficult time back then, that he didn't understand the situation himself – nothing that didn't feel like PR seminars and damage control. I am not sure if he is able to issue a genuine apology. He stopped replying after a while. I assume he's also typing right now.
So here I am, after 9 years, finally being done with this shit. His "apology" and the conversation showed me is not the better man that I thought he might have become. Toby has dug his own grave over so many years, and the things that are now in motion must not be stopped. I stand with person he has every hurt.
Yes, my incident was a long time ago. But may it give the strength and rage to those who have feared to speak up against him. You are not alone.
Lastly, syndereN did not know of this as it happened before I met him. I told him for the first time yesterday. We've been together 8 years.
And Toby: I hope your daughter meets better men.