Swebliss · @swebliss

24th Jun 2020 from TwitLonger

Staying with Sasa steffens the Co-CEO of Method.

I wanted to explain my tweet about Sasha, the co-ceo of Method.

Earlier today when I saw the tweet by my friend Annie regarding the co-CEO of Method, Sasha, that brought back bad memories. She told a story about how she felt abused by him when she was in method and what happened when she left. I was already well aware of this story because she told me about it around two years earlier when I had told her about my own experiences with that same man.

Knowing the backlash I could get by supporting her and going against a big organization like Method (where I also have many friends) I eventually did the right thing and retweeted her tweet showing my support. I said that I know she’s not doing this for attention because I too was in a similar situation and it’s not something she “made up” recently.

Knowing Sasha likes to mail threatening emails to people who doesn’t do what he likes I feel like I have to tell my story too even tho I never really planned to tell anyone, I rather just want to forget.
So here it goes.

I was friends with Sco and Djarii from before since I got to know them on DreamHack. I didn’t know Sasha yet. But I ended up sharing an apartment with all of them in West Hollywood before Blizzcon (2015 I believe) and it’s where it all happened. I was never in Method and I wasn’t planning to since my main game at the time was fps games like CSGO and I was nowhere near the skill level of competing.

At home things was not good, I felt like shit because I had recently found out I was in some economical problems with my business because I had been stupid enough to trust my ex to help me handle the economy.(You live and you learn🙄) The situation stressed me out and I felt like a few weeks away from it all in sunny CA would be good for my mental health and also I would have the chance to network and take my business in to my own hands. It made things even worse that my card stopped working in the first week of the trip because a bunch had been taken from my account.

I told them before the trip ofc and when it happened with the card. Sasha especially was very kind and understanding so even tho and said it will be alright. I didn’t know him and I thought he seemed like a good guy because of this. Also he was close to sco. I had money coming in so I knew I was going to be able to pay my part of the rent anyway.

This was before Sco and Djarii was an official couple, they were newly in love so it was obvious that they should share one of the two bedrooms. That left me and Sasha to share the second one and at first I didn’t have any problems with that. I’m grown up with 90% guy friends and wasn’t very shy, besides he had seemed respectful to my situation. But I wasn’t prepared for what was to come.

When I first med him Sasha seemed like a calm quiet type of guy, not really a threat but that quickly changed (especially when he was drinking).

He first started making innocent jokes about the things we could do in our room. And I also remember him referring to what Sco and Djarii was doing for fun since they were in their room quite allot for obvious reasons.

I felt uncomfortable already then but I tried to laugh it off in a “yeah right buddy!” kind of way. I really didn’t know what to do since I felt cornered. I wasn’t about to tell Sco and Djarii about it and destroy the happy “honeymoon” bubble they were in and I felt I owed Sasha for being understanding about the economical situation. (Also I couldn’t move because I had one ticket booked home after Blizzcon and no way of affording a rbnb or room by myself for all that time. We were sharing the cost of the apartment and my card was trashed.

I had no choice but to stay.

Our room had only one queen-sized bed and that first night was really unpleasant because of how excited he’d seem to share with me. I tried to sleep as far out to my end of the bed as possible and I pretended to fall asleep instantly to not give him any reason to think I wanted more. He seemed tired too because we had a long day getting there so nothing happened. But the next days the hints and jokes continued an I started waking up with him having his arm around me or he spread out and touched areas where his hands shouldn’t be and he pretended it was accidental and laughed it off. I couldn't prove it of course and I had to be there so I didn't say anything about it and tried to brush it off as accidents.

I was really stressed about the whole situation and almost felt like I was in a cage I couldn't get out of, there was weeks left and even if I was in my favorite city I felt even more miserable. I felt I couldn't tell anyone and I was embarrassed because I had said yes to share room. I remember calling home and crying to my friend.

Eventually he started making advances and I don't want to go in to detail, I had no plan of ever telling anyone - ever. I kept hearing that I was boring and I shouldn't be so sensitive and just have fun and I felt pressured but I still didn't wanted to do anything with him. I felt like shit and like there was no way out.

The day It went to far and couldn't take it anymore It was one day when he was drunk after he, djarii and sco had been out. I had started staying home in the evenings despite him
complaining I was boring instead of going out partying (he wanted to party always and he clearly got better self-esteem with alcohol) and it became my time to get a break from him. But that day after getting back from some bar he was really bitter. he said he had feelings for Djarii and he complained that Djarii and sco made out and he was feeling like Sco stole ”his girl”.
(He spoke about this a lot and I used to listen because it was a way of directing the attention away from me.) But that evening he was drunk and not happy about djarii and sci being in their room as always and while I was trying to sleep he made advances and I felt scared and didn't know what to do. I ended up pushing him away because was scared and disgusted (I don't even remember what I said because it is basically a blank) and all I wanted to get away. After that day he started sleeping on the couch in the living room by his own choice and he wasn’t very understanding to me anymore.

I never told Djarii or Sco what was going on so I don't blame them. They had their own drama with Sasha due to the fact Sasha had feelings for her. I’m sorry to write this publicly because it has to do with them but it is one of those things that shows who Sahsa is as a person, Sco was supposed to be his friend and Djarii clearly never liked sasha like that. And everytime he felt angry for them being in their room I got to hear it. Me and djarii spoke about this too and I don't think she would lie about it but the fact that he was in business with Sco made things complicated. Why they kept working with him I don’t know I can only assume they solved the situation.

Living together me and Djarii we argued quite a lot over small things and it became an outlet for me. It could be dumb things like she was using my bathroom instead of hers (it had better lighting). We both have very strong personalities but now hindsight I know It was an outlet for how trapped and helplessI was feeling at the time. We went so far so Sco had to drag us apart once. (nowadays we are fine. we might have fired up easily but we also talked about it and hugged afterward. And most of the time it was fine between us) I felt like I was going crazy with all the bottled up feelings and secrets I was carrying around I wouldn't surprise me if she thought I was too. It one reason why I felt I had to tell this part of the story is because with how I acted I was afraid I would be painted by Method as “crazy or Irrensponsible so don't listen to her”. I know I can come off as rude and It’s easier for me to show anger than sadness or fear. I hoped Djarii and Sco wouldn’t do that to me because they have been nice to me but because they are in business with Sasha I don’t know what would happen once I start talking.

Anyhow, how I was with djarii felt like it saved me from ”what could have happened” with Sasha. I showed a side of myself that I wasn't standing down & that I was outspoken and that I could get angry. Not someone easily manipulated.

After Sasha started sleeping on the coach he started complaining about money and my card. It was no longer any reason to be understanding when he knew he couldn’t get what he wanted from me. It felt like a punishment because of me not putting out. I felt stressed but also I knew It would be all right because I had money on the way in the end of the month, and everything is better than having to deal with him sleeping next to me.

An other thing that I felt saved me was when Sco’s brother join us and we met up with some other people from Method I connected with. I don’t want to out anyone but just having people to talk to made a huge difference. I still didn’t tell anyone about the sexual things that he said or did because I felt embarrassed and didn’t want to think about it. I tried to think It wasn't a big deal. But I spoke about feeling trapped and my economy & so on. It was such a relief that It wasn’t just me and Sasha anymore.

After that trip I didn't speak much to any of them. I focused on trying to get my economy back and payback whatever I owed. I have met with Sasha after that at for example the twitch parties and I just try to behave normally and answer the questions and then move on, basically not trying to think about it and pretend I don't remember have been my way of coping with it because I don't want to feel like that again.

Writing this took me all day because I never planned to talk about it. I just got a tweet about him speaking out and what I think about it, I haven’t read it yet and I decided to finish this first. He might not have mentioned me at all but I doubt it.

This happened years ago and I have been trying to forget it and tell myself it was nothing. Certain days can be blurry thinking back and there are probably things I said or did I don't remember. I only. wrote the things I remember clearly and I’m sorry that I don't want to go in to more details.

I’m not perfect. I can be outspoken (especially on twitter as many know) and I’m not good at sugar coating but I am honest. I hope this can make more people women and men talk about what they went through too.
Some things you just never forget.


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