Meruna · @Meruna_
24th Jun 2020 from TwitLonger
The story I won't share (and why)
I have a story about someone in the Dota scene going against my clear and repeated "No", but I will not share it.
There's many people coming forward with statements about abuse, harassment and bullying. These people are very strong for standing up and publicly pointing a finger.
I could do the same, but even after encouraging conversations with peers, have decided not to.
Three reasons:
1) It's a long time ago
2) I believe person X doesn't act like that anymore
and most importantly:
3) I don't feel safe about telling it after seeing the comments about people who have come forward.
***
This text is not about person X.
It's about you there on reddit, already typing away:
"I saw another TwitLonger and made some popcorn and now I'm disappointed. Does anyone know what LAN events meruna has been too? Is this about syndereN? We need to get to the bottom of it"
"Is she calling out everyone? #notallmen I've never touched a woman in my life!"
"I don't care about this. Too many reddit threads. Why can't people take a joke."
You suck. Don't turn a victim's pain, struggle and eventual braveness into your evening entertainment.
***
But what this is really about is the comments that make me feel angry, sad, scared, unheard and unimportant.
So here's a Screw You from the bottom of my heart:
To those who blame victims. "Why did she wear a short dress? Agree to have a drink? Why didn't she say No? What took her so long to speak out?"
To those who make excuses for abusers. Life is shit for all of us, that doesn't mean you get to assault someone.
To those who hope abusers can return soon because they were funny and it wasn't so bad.
To those who support an abuser's pity party.
To those who question first and show empathy later, if at all.
To those who get defensive instead of supportive.
To those who think power dynamics aren't real and that this isn't a men's world.
To those who make creepy comments online and disguise it as jokes. Looking at you in those cosplay threads. Don't tell the Lara Croft girl you'll raid her tomb. That's not funny, that's creepy as fuck. It normalises harassment.
To those who use "Lmao women HotPokket" as a one-fits-all joke and retort.
To those who think of women as sluts if they've had multiple partners in the scene. Men are players for scoring but women are gold-digging whores, amirite?
To those who close their eyes and ears when they witness harassment online or in person.
***
You created this environment that made me unable to speak up years ago and that still frightens me. I'm not scared of person X. I'm scared of the community.
***
"Phew, I've never done these things. Can I have some high fives for not being an asshole?"
Ask yourself this:
Are you doing everything you can? Are you speaking up, even if no one asked for it? Would you also support someone if you were the only one to do so? What if the accused was famous and likeable and the victim wasn't? Also if the victim was trans, was gay, was black, was disabled?
This isn't impossible.
Be better.
Be louder.