🍮Miki Bean, Pudding Queen🍮 · @lunarcelestine
24th Jun 2020 from TwitLonger
My Story Of Abuse and Manipulation as a Female Streamer
So before anyone gets confused as to who I am, I used to be a Twitch streamer known as TheFluffiestBunny. I was mostly known for doing somewhat risque stuff on stream, showing a lot of cleavage, and dancing. However what most people don't know is that I was manipulated into doing most of that stuff, which sounds silly, but it's true.
This started at the end of 2014. I was 18 years old and had just started streaming. I was upset on stream, as someone had come and abused me in my stream, some really harsh and horrible things that weren't easy to just look past. Someone showed up in chat that I will call Jim, who was around 40 years old and an American. I never got proof of his real name, he was always cagey about revealing anything personal to me, which should have been a red flag, but when you're 18 sometimes you just don't see them.
Anyway, Jim told me not to be upset and said he could help me get viewers, which I was also upset about because my viewer numbers had been falling in previous days. He told me to wear something nicer, create some "sub games" for my viewers to play to encourage them to subscribe or donate to me, and to rearrange my background so it looked more appealing. These were all, in my opinion, solid pieces of advice. The next stream rolled around, and I suddenly had 100 more viewers than normal. I was overjoyed and quickly told Jim that his ideas were working. In reality, he was probably just viewbotting me to make me think that his advice worked.
I continued to "work" with Jim over the next few months. I trusted him deeply, as his advice seemed solid and he really seemed to care about me. He told me he was a rich entrepreneur, and he had plenty of money and only owned stuff passively, and therefore had a lot of free time. I believed him, despite the lack of proof. Everything seemed to be looking up for me, until things started to get weird. He would encourage me to take "implied nudes" to upload to social media for attention, which I tried to wriggle out of as much as I could, because I didn't feel comfortable with it at all. He said it was like trying to drag a boulder up a hill, because I gave so much pushback. But I did it, to keep him happy.
He would send me explicit photos of the women he slept with which partially had his penis in them, which I told him I did not want to see as it made me very uncomfortable.
He tended to "fly off the handle" a lot, and I began to walk on eggshells around him. He then blamed the outbursts on me, claiming that I was "crazy when I was on my period" and "completely bipolar". He began blaming most things on me. When I didn't comply with his requests to take nude photos (I would get on video chat and he would take screenshots as the "photographer"), he would get completely irate and tell me that he had even changed his sleep schedule to fit mine, and I was completely ungrateful for him and all his help.
He called me "Ice Queen" (because in his opinion I was so frigid as I was not keen to take a lot of pictures) and frequently threatened to stop helping me. One of his recurring threats was "If you want me to go away and lose everything you have, just let me know and I'll disappear."
He negged me and told me that my face wasn't "naturally pretty" and that I had to take photos at certain angles to hide my "big nose". I became very insecure and became dependent on the little bits of praise he would give me to feel good about myself. He encouraged me to wear skimpy, skintight outfits on stream, things that lead to a lot of abuse. He encouraged me to bend over on stream so my butt was on full view of the camera, which I did after much pushing from him.
One day, my mother came over to my apartment in 2015, and I told her she'd have to go beause otherwise Jim would be mad that I wasn't working as we were supposed to do a photoshoot that day. While she was there, I got some very nasty messages from him telling me how ungrateful I was and to hurry my stupid ass up. She then realised what was happening to me and finally, it clicked for me what I had fallen into. I grew up in a household with a father exactly like this, and my mum recognised the signs of an abuser and manipulator in Jim. I then tried to distance myself from him as much as possible, and finally, after weeks of asking me what was going on, he finally got the hint and left me alone. I am lucky that I have never heard from him again.
I tried to recover from this for as long as I streamed, but because of my reputation as "TheSluttiestBunny", I continued to receive hate, threats and other nasty stuff (the dick pics were CONSTANT. I mean three or four every single day). I eventually just stopped streaming as it was so hard on my mental health.
I haven't spoken up about this publicly for more than four years because I know he has nude photos of me, because to do implied nudes, you do indeed need to be nude, for which I was on video chat with him. I fully believe that had he been allowed to groom me further, he would have groomed me into a relationship with him, despite my hesitance. Either that, or he would have had me start making porn once Twitch had either banned me or had gotten so bad for me that I chose to leave, leaving me without a source of income.
I have been deeply ashamed of what happened to me for years. However, I refuse to be ashamed any longer. I was preyed upon by an older man who used me in the guise of "helping my career". I was fresh out of an abusive situation (my family had finally left my emotionally abusive father two years prior, and people who have been emotionally abused often find themselves in that same kind of relationship because the abuse feels "normal". He singled me out and manipulated me into doing things I was not comfortable with, and knew I would do them because I was desperate for approval, attention and a father figure.
I am not ashamed any more, and I refuse to stay silent or dance around what happened to me. I was manipulated and abused by a man twice my age who had the intent of grooming me into pornography.
Was I naive? Of course. I was 18 years old, barely legal, practically still a child, fresh from an abusive father and desperately seeking approval. He began as a kind father figure, reminding me I was valuable and deserved love, and slowly began to morph into this monster that tried to manipulate me into doing things. I still have the chat logs and emails from him.
This is what happened to me. I am not ashamed any more.