I owe Jen and the community a better apology.
It’s unfair that I’ve been able to live a happy life and enjoy this career while I severely traumatized someone I was close to. I am deeply sorry for the persistent pain that I have caused you, Jen. I never wanted to hurt you and in my ignorance, I did. I understand my actions were irreparable and accept the consequences.
Looking back on what I should’ve done differently, I needed to be more direct when asking for consent. I wasn’t sensitive enough to what she was saying or her body language. I never received a “yes” and that was the first in a series of grave mistakes. Silence is never an answer or a confirmation.
Intentional or not, what I did sadly happens all too often, poor communication leading to immense trauma. No one should have to feel pain that I caused Jen. We need to do better at educating not only ourselves but everyone around us.
When Jen first reached out a few years ago, I, unfortunately, was being difficult and defensive, the last things she needed from me. After Jen continued to explain how she felt, I finally started to understand the full weight of my actions. I thought I did everything I needed to do. I listened, I apologized, and I spoke out in support of women. The truth is I didn't do nearly enough and that's what I want to hold myself accountable for. If there is something I can do better, please reach out to me and help me understand how to improve.
To put myself on the right path, I will be indefinitely stepping away from social media and content creation. I’m hoping that in time, I can grow to be someone who is trustworthy, thoughtful, and always evolving. I know I have a lot of work ahead of me but it’s something I’m absolutely committed to. My daughter needs a father she can look up to and I need to make sure I am exactly that.
I’m sorry to my friends and my community for disappointing all of you. I hope that you continue to hold me accountable for the changes I need to keep making to one day be worthy of your support.