This was extremely hard to write. *trigger warning*

*trigger warning*

It was 12 years ago.

One of my friends was working as a bartender during summer break at the time. I would drive to her town frequently to visit her & keep her company while she was working. I would then spend the night at her place, because we would always end up too drunk at the end of the night, and I would never risk driving home in that state.

One such summer night, I drove once more to hang out with her. Her crush was also there. When the night was over, it was just my friend, her crush, the bar's owner & myself remaining at the bar. We were all drunk. She told me she wanted to make out with him, and since I knew how much she liked the guy, I agreed to stay behind and wait for her, so that we could do finally go home and crash. It would only be an hour, she said. It was already past 4am. I was exhausted and dizzy.

So, I was sitting there, in a dark bar, with a man I barely knew. I was 22, he was in his late 30s.

And then he got up, and casually, he locked the bar's front door. "For our safety". There was not a single person walking outside.

He made me a couple more drinks. I decided to just try to keep him occupied with talking about whatever I could think of. I was locked in an empty, dark bar with a stranger. With no one to call out for help. And my friend would not return my texts or my calls. I only had to keep him talking for a couple hours. Everything would be ok.

After maybe an hour, maybe two, he took me by the hand, and dragged me towards the stairs to the bar's basement. As soon as we were at the basement, he unzipped his pants and forced his dick in my mouth. Then he proceeded to turn me around and, without using a condom, penetrated me. When he was finished, he acted like nothing had happened.

My friend arrived shortly after. I don't remember much of what happened next. All I could tell her was that "I'm so embarrassed". After that, I felt dirty for months, and avoided ever bringing the subject up again.

But, until now, I never thought about it for what it actually was. I was raped. And this realization has broken my heart into a million pieces.

This is a trauma that will take a long time to heal. But I'm determined to do whatever it takes to protect myself & every other survivor for having anything remotely similar to my experience happen to them.

Be excellent to each other.

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