Radiance | Winter · @TheWinterLOL
5th Nov 2019 from TwitLonger
I'm quitting competitive League of Legends.
I've decided to quit League of Legends, I won't be attending this years Scouting Grounds, even tho I qualified for the 4th year in a row.
This year was like every other year, I reached the highest LP possible to be one of the highest support in NA. Getting top 2 or even top 4 some years might be really spectacular for a lot of people, but I've done it so many times that it just feels like a chore. It's just a routine at this point when it comes to qualifying for scouting grounds. I would grind the shit out of the game because I'm a competitor, but this year felt different, different in every aspect. Not only you could qualify by being the top 2 player in your role in solo Q, but you could also qualify as a team.
I don't really want to talk about those aspects in particular, I just wanted to talk about what really happened in those 4 months since the announcement.
Lets start at the beginning. So 2 out of the 4 months I wasn't playing much League, I would mainly play TFT/Apex and other games. The only time I would play League would be for decay games, Scrims, and Tournament games. During those 2 months I wasn't really myself, even If I had a formidable team in @AetheresLOL , @OddorangeLOL , @WarmachineHyper,
@KatevolvedLOL , @JurassiqLOL , @surza_lol ,and @Coach_Lucien.
I just wanted to close out League real fast after scrims to do anything else, but play League. Whatever It would be, I felt that it was better than spending one more minute playing League. It was also the first time since Season 4 that I took a "Break" from playing League even tho it wasn't really a long break it felt refreshing. I rediscovered the pleasure of playing a game and being able to enjoy it to the fullest. I know this is how you should feel when you learn a new skill or are do something different than what you are used to. My routine not a couple weeks ago would be to play 8-15 games a day without even being tired of playing League. I had this routine for about 5 years even while having school. I would set a minimum of 8 games from
4pm- 1am/2am and I was really dedicated to make League my life.
During the last 4 segments for points for the Scouting Grounds qualifier I got some motivation back. I think I was scared of not being able to go to Scouting Grounds for the first time in 4 years, so I grinded the game with more solo Q, but not as much as back then. I would play around 4-8 solo Q games a day + scrims or tournament game and that would be my day. It was very fun and also scary, because even If I was enjoying League again it just didn't feel like before. Was it because I wasn't playing the same amount of games or maybe It was because I experienced having fun playing other games? I didn't really know what It was, but it was clearly a question I kept asking myself. Even with all this in mind I grinded back up to Top 25 pretty easily and at the last segment I even got back to Top 10 and ended 5 Points higher than
my competitor for the 2nd spot to qualify for SG. Do I deserve the spot? Yes, but could I use of this opportunity to propel my career in my current state?
It kinda reminded me of players that keep doing the same thing over and over again. It works, and it makes them get into their safe zone whatever their safe zone is, but It will never make them higher than what they were before. They take the place of people more worthy than them. They might not be better right now, but If organisations would be more willing to take risk and actually coach more people properly it could make them better than the same recycled players.
I also think in my current situation If I went again I would be considered one of those guys and I didn't want that. The last 2 months really made me realize that I might not have what it takes to make League Of Legends my life. Yes, I could do some unranked to Challenger streams and after some time I could probably get a good amount of viewers and sub, but it's not what I want.
I'm a competitor and competing against better player is what drives me the most and I have always have been like this. I know some people will say that I wasted a lot of my time or whatever, but I don't count those years/hours as wasted. I've made a lot of mistake in life and sacrificed a lot of people/things during the last 4 years, but everything happens for a reason. Those 4 years have forged me to become who I am today. Even tho today I might not be proud of myself and even despise myself a little that I wasn't able to actually achieve my expectations and those of my peers. Life must go on. Even If League Of Legends means a lot to me It doesn't define who I am as a person and who I can be.
Story Time:
Me: What do you think about all this (Playing League for living etc...)
Father: *Without any hesitation he said: I think you were born to play Video games
My Mom arrived from work 2 minutes after this discussion with my father, as soon as she arrived I asked her the same question, she was wondering why I would ask this question, but I insisted and she said: I think you were born to play Video games
Dunno If it was a setup or something. I don't think it was because my father told my mom "Hey we said the same thing" and they high fived LOL.
It was just a little story to tell you guys that I also think that I've been born to do something related to Video games, I may not know it yet, but I will find it one day.
I honestly don't know where my motivation will take me, but I must follow it.
Also shout out to @RadianceGG for the last couple months you guys have been insane, I never expected an organisation to put that much effort in an amateur team I really appreciate it.
Thanks for reading and thank you for all the support you guys have given me through out the years. I appreciate it more than you guys can imagine.