to my fans...
First off, I am sorry I scared you all. I am ok. I checked myself into a hospital and stayed in a psych ward for 2 days. I recieved treatment, therapy, was diagnosed, and recieved medication. I regret what I did. I love life and want to continue living and entertaining you guys. If you guys are suffering from mental health, PLEASE go get help. The 2 days I spent getting treatment has helped me tremendously. Don't be scared to get help.
Secondly, I've heard back from twitch and I am permanently banned. My spirit is crushed right now. I streamed for a decade on this platform. I've been here from the beginning. I was banned and demonetized and still stayed loyal. I streamed for 6 months and the day I was going to get my sub button back, twitch banned me permanently for "self harm".
They considered me breaking a keyboard over my head as self harm. I understand why someone might think this, but I've done this hundreds of times on my stream. I took time to figure out the cheapest, flimsiest, easiest to break keyboard to make sure I never harmed myself in the process. I had no intention of harming myself, I did it to entertain my fans. There are countless videos and compilations of me smashing keyboards over head and I know twitch staff has seen them before, and I never recieved a warning or anything.
They told me its permanent because of my number of strikes... I believe I have 4 strikes on my account, two of which were from 2+ years ago. I've been told by multiple trusted sources that your previous strikes would go away after a period of time of good behavior. I honestly thought I was ok and that my old strikes would have been gone by now.
To add to this, back during the massive TOS overhaul a while ago, I went to great extents to make sure my channel was clean. I took 3 days off to delete anything that would be remotely questionable on every platform, and talked to twitch staff to make sure I was going to be ok. They told me that nothing I had done in the past would be held against me in the future. This turned out to be false because my recent bans have been extra harsh because of my previous incidents years ago.
I know I've made a lot of mistakes. Anyone who watches my stream knows I have gone through GREAT lengths to change myself the last 6 months. I completely understand all of my previous bans, but this one is an absolute shock to me. I didn't intend to harm myself, I did it for entertainment. With my entire soul I believe this ban was not fair. I am not entirely sure what I will be doing from here, guys. I am going to try to appeal the ban but I will let you all know what happens. I love you all and thank you all so much for the support. You guys who called me and talked to me in the hospital - you guys mean the world to me.