Kassian · @createdbycode

27th Feb 2023 from TwitLonger

About GetAmazed

I was groomed and sexually exploited by GetAmazed in 2022. TW: grooming, consent, harassment, victim blaming.
The Justice are aware of the situation and have been for nearly 2 months. I am waiting to hear the outcome of their investigation and was advised not to share evidence publicly until that happens, in case they decide to dismiss the evidence as a result and drop it. They have seen it, as has everyone else who needs to, and I will be posting all of it publicly as soon as I am safely able to do so.

How we met
I met GetAmazed in April last year, when I was 20 and he was 27-28. I was in an extremely vulnerable situation irl, being threatened homeless, financially unstable, recovering from severe agoraphobia and recently bereaved from someone I was physically dependant on due to my disabilities. I had also been advised to quit pursuing OWL, which I had been trying for 3 years, because of suspected addiction. I chose to hire him from Metafy to help with my mental and figure out what I should do.
Our session happened May 1st. I told him all of the above as well as other details that I felt he needed to make an informed decision (that I have ASD/ADHD, was socially isolated, etc). He told me I should keep pursuing OWL, and he would help me with everything for free whenever I needed it, and offered to refund the original session. I was extremely grateful and took him up on this.

Early relationship
The first couple days, we didn't talk outside of OW-related questions. I messaged him when I needed help or clarification. He initiated small talk a few days in and we naturally ended up talking more, discovering a lot of shared interests and becoming close. He raised the subject of visiting him in the future, I told him I probably would if he was serious as I was trying to get out and do things more. He was fairly affectionate in the way he spoke, but this didn't concern me. A few times, he asked me for my socials, once under the question of how would he invite me over in a few years otherwise. We talked a lot, some parts deeper/more emotional on both sides. He told me I could DM him/should keep my phone at night (after having told me not to in coaching), and I offered him support if he wanted it.

Amaz began telling me he was attracted to me within 3-5 days of us really knowing each other. This happened a lot, bordering on pushy and obsessive. It began with him sending a picture of himself and acting upset (jokingly) when I didn't say he looked hot. I told him I was in a relationship and even though we are open, didn't want to be unfaithful (pursuing anything without talking to him first - I did eventually talk to him, but never gave him a name as Amaz requested). He told me he respected this. But in the short time that followed, he started giving me a lot more compliments, saying how attractive I was and that he was addicted to me. He started becoming sexual, saying things like my partner should be concerned if I visited him and "two people alone in another country hugging is scary."

It became much more sexual very fast, and he began pushing me a lot. Amaz had asked me for a (sfw) picture about 4 times and every time I had told him no. I told him I wasn't comfortable with it. He kept asking/making jokes related to it. He also made more comments about how things would get sexual (mostly implied) if I visited him. Amaz made a lot of unsolicited sexual comments like telling me to jump on him, and saying I should get in bed with him. I had not shown interest in a sexual relationship with him. I changed the subject when he said these things but he kept trying to bait me into engaging. He goaded me into asking about his "weaknesses" after he had brought it up before (I didn't ask then either) and told me they would "take trust" to share, and he asked me questions like "can I fully trust you" and would I keep our chats private. I regularly told him I didn't want to hurt him or lead him on, but he goaded me into doing it anyway, because he saw it as "a game." This was all after I told him twice that I was asexual to some degree.

I fell for what he was doing. I loved the attention and affection he showed me. I ended up returning the affection, and became sexual with him despite all of my discomfort. A week into our friendship, we became more sexual and he asked me again to send him a picture, this time nsfw. I did, and we moved to Snapchat, where the rest of this takes place.

How his behaviour changed
We spent about an hour on Snap that day, and then straight after, he disappeared. I tried not to think too much of it; I knew his job. But the timing felt wrong. He returned after a while so I dismissed it.
Amaz changed rapidly in the weeks that followed. He emotionally withdrew massively. We went from talking almost all hours of the day, to only a bit, to me barely able to get a response out of him at all. Eventually he would either barely respond, or leave me on read, until he wanted me for sex. Sometimes he would completely ignore anything I sent him before, when he asked. He stopped responding entirely to any OW questions even though that's what he said he'd help me with.
It felt very one way. He rarely provided anything, and asked me for a lot. His requests became bigger and bigger over time. It started with the pictures I refused to send, then the sexual pictures, more and more revealing, then videos, he wanted me to debase myself for him. He told me he would respect my boundaries but rarely did. If I said no, he would leave it on that day, but pushed for it again the next time, I said no again, and so on. He pushed me to try and do it if I said no by suggesting I do only part of it. If I said no to him, he would either do that, or ghost me completely. And by this point I was extremely dependent on his attention, so him withholding it when I said no caused serious distress and anxiety. It made me do things that were out of character for me, just to try and please him and make up for ruining it before.
Even the sexting became more and more rushed by him. He would tell me to get in bed and not even 5 minutes later told me to "finish quickly." I felt like he was using me for his own pleasure.

The "breakup"
I got to a point where I couldn't handle the constant distress and deterioration of my mental health. My attachment to him wasn't healthy and his actions towards me were toxic. One day when he wanted to use me I told him I was done. This was around July. I told him I couldn't do it any more. As usual, he didn't just drop it. Over the next few days he asked me two questions: was I not attracted to him any more, and did I miss his cock.

It took me a further month to realise that what he had done was unacceptable. Even then, I was still constantly blaming myself. I had consented, right? I had taken the bait. I let it get out of hand. Even though I knew fundamentally he had manipulated and abused my position, and his power, it was my fault, and I tried hard to protect him and rationalise what he had done, just as I did throughout our relationship. It was a conversation with a sexual violence charity that made me realise the true extent of his actions and made me see it wasn't consent. They told me he manipulated and groomed me into giving it and withdrew his attention if I didn't. They advised that I make a police report, but I already had.

Team Peps
Around August was when I first started to realise how bad my situation was. I eventually decided to report Amaz to the Team Peps staff. Originally I couldn't find any contact so I made a burner and went direct to Fefe on Twitter. I don't know if he ever replied, because a while after that I found Soeny's discord and went to her. I told her what Amaz had done to me, and sent her the full Discord chatlog. After reading this, she told me that she could see that he had forced me a lot, but "I had never said no." ( Literally acknowledging what he did was unacceptable yet blaming me for it. She then proceeded to tell me, basically, that she had gone straight to Amaz and wanted to put me in a call with him ( Her idea of handling this situation was to go to someone she had ADMITTED to being abusive, and PUT ME IN A CALL WITH HIM. She set us up to call each other, and then considered the situation resolved. This call caused me to have a mental breakdown - I already felt terrible about reporting Amaz, because I still cared about him, and he was convincing me that I was wrong about everything. I don't know if Fefe ever read my message, or if she told him, but as a team this was a disgusting response and showed complete disregard and disrespect for my vulnerability.

Overall, I wish I had seen the signs sooner. I was dismissing so much of his behaviour and rationalising his actions for so long that I was gaslighting myself into defending him. I had been wary from the start over how quick our relationship was moving. I had expressed my concerns and anxieties to my friends over it and to Amaz himself. And yet even with that, I still let him push me, I still renewed my passport to visit him, I still told myself everything was fine when it wasn't.

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