Press Conference, Myself and Team
Hello all Vitality fans, supporters and haters aswell.
I felt like I needed to get this feeling off my chest for long time and needed to write Twitlonger about my current situation, how I admire my team and the beginning of today press conference after our loss against Leviatan.
I want to say sorry to the fans and my teammates I wasnt there from the beginning of the press conference. Im emotional guy and this loss "took me too hard" I was sad, dropping few tears and overwhelmed by support of our Vitality fans that were amazing through this tournament and was sad in general we couldn't deliver it today for them and for us. I needed few minutes on fresh air for myself because I didnt want to cry on press conference front of the people, even it is normal thing, Ijust live for the game and its my whole life. It wasnt because I was mad or tilted and wanted to be arrogant towards the Leviatan. They played better tonight and were better team tonight and I have all respect towards them.
After Redbull and during Redbull Homeground I had hard time in personal life and I would like to keep it private for personal reasons as I dont want to create any drama.
After Redbull, I had rough time in personal life as I said. I have been dealing with Depression for over two years now. My Depression escalated quickly up after Redbull when we had holidays as a team and everyone returned back to their home country for the Christmas and New Year. I dont know if people saw it at the event here at the LOCK/IN but over Christmas I did bad things to myself. I self harmed and my was in bad situation for a few days and was considering ending it all but my dad saved me. I spent few days in the "worst" Mental Health Hospital for people that have serious problems. After that I had a new fresh start and was able to thankfully get my shit together. It was hardest time for me as a person and as a professional esport athlete. But after that time I knew why I'm playing games and what my team means to me. So next slide will be about my teammates and Berlin stuff that is standing behind us everyday.
Team / Teammates / Vitality Staff
I love my team by all meanings and when I say this, I mean it. My team, teammates and Vitality staff was there for me after this rough time I had in Prague during Christmas. They were standing behind me and support me throught all the shit I have been through and If I wanted to use all the praise words in the whole English dictionary, it wouldnt still be enough for what the whole Vitality staff and my teammates did for me. They deserve all the love and happiness in the world and I will be forever thankful for them ❤️.
First few weeks in Berlin after Christmas time was hard for me, needed to play in hoodie all the time in the office because I was scared what would happen if they saw my bruises. But they were there for me and I was able to overcome this feeling here in Brazil. I was able to play without sleeves or hoodie in practice room and even on stage. My team is more than just a team, they are my close friends and my second family to which I can come and express my feelings. Because of them, I was able to overcome all my shit and play as I played during this tournament. Without them, it wouldnt be possible. Im happy we are team and have this close relationship between each other. We are not scared to say anything that bothers us and what makes us worried. We are team, family and close friends. Everything combined together and Im glad Im in this environment and I couldnt ask for anything better.
As of now, Im doing great mentally and psychically outside of the game and just because of my teammates, Vitality staff and amazing support from fans. Im happy to see that we got amazing Goldent Hornets army behind us and supporting us. I can promise you, this year will be our fucking year. Since the beginning I joined the Vitality I have been fighting for the badge, for my team, for Vitality staff and for myself aswell because I want to prove world what we are capable of as a team and what Im capable of as a person and player on the server.
Take care of yourself and if you're experiencing something like I did, dont be scared to reach out to your close friends, to your family or your team. If they're "real", they will be there for you and they will be there to help you through. I dont want to leave my family out of this because they helped me aswell, especially the oldest brother and I love them aswell.
As long as I am in Vitality, I can promise you I will be fighting for the name on my jersey, for the badge and for all the people that supported me through my life. #VforVictory