iamchris4life · @CHRS4LFE
19th Oct 2022 from TwitLonger
Complicity, Mistakes, and Accountability
I had mentioned in my previous tweet that Dave (DDR name: SYN) and I used to be friends, and that I had ceased contact with him when he was revealed as a sexual predator. The following week I was approached by Joe (close friend of Zaph, but real name redacted), him saying I should leave the group chat that we were all in together out of fear Dave was gonna try to manipulate us over the situation (which Dave actually never ended up doing). I told him I would not be taking anything he says as truth and that I wanted to monitor things he would try to say. He told this to Jenn, at which point Jenn blew up at me saying really nasty things that felt unwarranted, which made me think it was spun into me wanting to hear Dave’s side of the story and hear him out, which was never the case. This was brought up in my long talk with Zaph about the whole situation, and I had explained the misunderstanding to them and they understood, but I suppose the clarification never made it to Jenn. However, in retrospect I will say that me sticking around to monitor things he said wasn’t any of my business, especially considering I wanted to distance myself from being involved in the situation, and it could’ve also sent a message to people that I might be supportive of whatever he has to say, so I apologize for not leaving that group chat when I was told to.
Now regarding the dongles of Dave’s cab, around a month after Dave was revealed as a sexual abuser, Sam (real name redacted for privacy) reached out to me and mentioned that they might be able to have Dave send the dongles to get our cab back online, maybe through the arcade distributor, and they mentioned that they also had a discussion with Joe about it. Joe had expressed to Sam that they are free to contact Dave about it, but said he doesn’t wanna be involved himself. I had already written off getting our cab back online by this point, but I entertained the idea because, in my head, Dave was only getting something valuable taken away from him and we weren’t enabling him to do anything. I was initially excited at the prospect, but later that night, Joe went into a small group chat with me and Sam and very directly expressed his disapproval at me over the idea of communicating with Dave for his dongles at all. This caused me to get defensive because I felt like I was being called out for something that wasn’t my idea, but I also expressed that I didn’t think it was a huge problem since it wasn’t going to involve anyone besides Sam and Dave. Zaph found out about the conversation through Joe and proceeded to make a tweet indirectly referencing the matter. I heard through Sam that Dave immediately found out about it and backed out of potentially sending his dongles, which is when I got heated in DMs with Joe and it resulted in the first screenshot that Jenn posted. I was mad because the interaction wasn’t putting anyone in harm’s way. Dave was just gonna send the dongles and it would have been over with. Looking back on this now, I realized that I should’ve focused more on how victims were feeling and less about who I was or wasn’t causing potential harm. When Joe and I reconciled after the dispute, we expressed why we were upset with each other and that’s when I made the comment that DDR access was a sensitive subject to me. I didn’t mean to compare it to the entire Dave situation, but I see how it came off as being in poor taste and I apologize for that. An important thing to note is that the idea of Joe going to Dave’s house and stealing his dongles wasn’t mentioned anywhere in any of my interactions with Sam or Joe, despite Jenn’s twitlonger saying that was the initial intent. That would’ve been blatantly putting someone in danger and I would never stand behind something like that. However, I will apologize for immediately jumping to the conclusion that Jenn was lying, considering that could’ve been what she was told.
All this being said, there are a few things I feel like I need to hold myself accountable for (and for everyone to continue holding me accountable for). It’s become painfully obvious that time and time again, my obsession with DDR causes lapses in my judgement, which often involves disregarding how people feel when it comes to playing the game. My obsession with the game is detrimental to myself and others at times and all this has been an example. It should’ve been obvious to me that even being okay with someone reaching out to a known abuser in the name of DDR access was not okay. In all my talks with Joe, Zaph, and Jenn, I remained fixated on the fact that everything related to the dongles would only involve Sam and Dave, disregarding the fact that I was emotionally hurting them and others by being complicit in Sam communicating with Dave. From here on out, I need to take a step back more often and reassess things more logically when I am tempted to prioritize DDR over how my friends (or really anyone I interact with) feel.