For the record
- I thought I was an incredible teammate this year, but a below average player. Exact opposite of last year, being a better teammate was one of my goals. I spoke to every player at least once a week about both gameplay and career advice (both ways), frustrations, goals, and distractions. Tried to come up with ways to solve things and genuinely wanted to help each and every one of them.
- Upon hearing what had upset Paco at Major 3, I apologized multiple times over about the Algeria joke. As everyone can tell, a grudge was still there, and as it was the first thing that he brought up to me on the flank. During the Major, what frustrated me the most wasn’t the fact that it wasn’t brought to my attention immediately, it was the fact that a player to player problem brought the entire team down that event. Everyone burned because of two sentences that I said that someone took offense to. Wasn’t fair to the rest of the team. I feel awful for Paul and Kis, and I am pissed at Paco for not letting me know what was bothering him. Never had to come to that.
- Regarding the Nep apology, when a teammate respects and listens to what I’m communicating to them(I know my delivery can be utter shit sometimes), and shit still doesn’t work out, I realize that I’ve done more harm than good in these cases and I do feel horrible about it, especially looking at the past now. I’ve always believed that the best teammates are the ones who push you the most. That works with a lot of players, that’s just what I know and that’s how I’ve found a lot of success. I’ve also come to find out that it doesn’t work with every player. And I stand by my statement that players truly don’t give a fuck about each other in this league. You can tell who truly does by looking at teams who don’t succeed yet stick.
Burning bridges and a trend occurring.
-I’m 29, it’s not like I’m going to team with these people when I’m 32. Time remains undefeated. And I do not care to remain friends with 90% of these players that I’ve played with. Past teaming with them, they won’t do much into helping me improve me once they’re on a different team and now my “enemy”. I use that phrase cause I’ve always thought that it’s my team vs the world. Whether they’re wrong or right on dropping me, it doesn’t matter to me as it is the past. I use the past as motivation regardless. It’s unhealthy as shit but it’s the only way I’ve known to compete. I do not wish to be understood by the many, nor do I care if you do understand. I just am who I am, that idiot that’s not a moron.
If I don’t find a new home for 2023, just know that I am aware that I am the only one to blame as these trends and my character could be things teams want to steer clear from. But I refuse to be anyone but myself, for good, the bad, and the ugly.