So long, gamers

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So I've been pondering this decision for a really long time, and there's a LOT of factors from all over the place going in to it, but ultimately I think it's time for me to put Legends of Runeterra down, at least for the time being.

This season in particular I've been struggling with not only actually climbing the ladder and improving much at all, I'm having a lot of trouble just enjoying the game in general these days. I sink a lot of time into it banging my head against a brick wall to try and see some level of progress and just....nothing. I've quite literally sat in the same spot on the ladder for the past two weeks with hundreds of games into the season. None of the decks really click with me and consistently perform, and my main comfort picks are pretty unplayable into the current field, specifically Kai'Sa and Azirelia (my comfort picks of choice being Anivia and Darkness, for clarity).

I haven't really been in my comfort zone on ladder for a good long time, probably since Pantheon released at the start of this year or so. The game is going into a more solitaire-like state with interaction being invalidated by cheap protection, and huge stats getting every keyword more or less being the name of the game for the past six months got old for me real fast. It feels bland and uninteresting, which doesn't help my typical autopilot-prone nature stay engaged at all, which is probably why I'm struggling so much both in enjoyment and ranking up.

Every time I get out of a play session I have to go back and ask myself if I even had fun. Sometimes I do, but recently it's been few and far between. But I kept forcing myself to play anyway to try and qualify for seasonals, since I have the week before to do nothing but scrim and test if I want it. If there was a season I had a chance of topping, or even winning, it'd be now where I have all this extra time I normally wouldn't have.

I won't lie - it's had adverse effects on my mental health, and it's honestly been more stressful than my actual job. It's gotten unhealthy and I'm allowing it to eat up way too much of my time, especially to see no meaningful progress or enjoyment most of the time I sink into it. As much as I don't want to, I find that this step is necessary for me just as a human being.

I'll still be around the community for sure, I have quite a few friends here, love watching people play on Twitch or YouTube, and I make content for it as well for extra cash on the side. I'm not going much of anywhere in that department, I'm mostly just stepping away from competition.

It feels rough, like I'm abandoning a half-finished project by walking away now instead of trying to muscle through it. I don't feel fantastic about this, but with how things are going with my life right now, I have to change something, and this is likely going to be the better option long term.

Some of you may know, I'm an aspiring author, and started a book this year, mainly working out character bios and a basic timeline and starting the actual book itself a bit. That got pushed to the wayside to try and compete in LoR for a very long time, and I feel like eventually being a published author is just more important to me than topcutting a seasonals or qualifying for worlds. To meet that end, I have to adjust my focus.

I likely will be back to competing at some point, maybe sooner than I even expect, but for now I think throwing in the towel here and effectively on Worlds 2022 to try and recalibrate my time to writing and reading to pursue my main goal in life is for the best.

Now watch this upcoming balance patch be so good I get sucked back in and look like an actual powder monkey scrambling up ladder.

Stay gaming my gamers,

Leovold

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