My experience with Arcadum.
This is never something I wanted to have to do. Arcadum has been someone I’ve considered a close friend for 3 years now. I had so much respect for him, and really thought he had that same level of respect for me. He raised me up as a person, in dms and publicly. He supported me and told me he believed in me and my music. I felt like we were close personally and had a bond as he was there for me in a lot of ways. It was never just that though. There came with it a whole slew of red flags and serious issues.
Recently there were a lot of girls in the community banned and evicted from his servers. I was one of them. I for one was also booted out of the collective group, where the music team I had assembled and led all worked together.
The reason I was given by him to being kicked is because apparently his long term girlfriend saw the private messages between him and me, and she also saw several others. To put into context why this matters, I’ll explain. I’m not going to air out all of his personal business that he told me, but rather just the details that matter in the situation that affected myself and also many others, as I’ve recently found out just how many girls he has been doing these same things to. Some of these are encounters in VRChat and voice calls that I do not have a recording of. I also want to blur names I wasn’t given permission for.
Arcadum and I had been friends for a year already at this point. 2 years ago around the start of Callous Row Season 1, we started to get closer. Arcadum opened up to me about something really bad that happened in his relationship. He would ask for my support, and would ask me to get on vrchat with him to listen and help. I wanted to help him. I wanted to be there for him in this shitty time. He would break down crying almost every single time. Things were okay and we had genuine (I felt) talks about what he's going through. Things started to shift a bit when he suggested I comfort him in more ways than just words.
He would say how he wasn’t desirable, how he feels like less of a man, how sad and lonely he is. Eventually it started leading to “I’m really sad, is it alright if I hug you?” and similar comments. Which led to flirting and then more, him commenting on my character's boobs and stuff and could he touch them. Sometimes I would say it was okay. I found that if I was hesitant at all he’d get really weird about it. He’d blame himself and wonder what was wrong with him. I didn’t hold this all against him at the time, because he was truly going through a hard time. Problem is, eventually it meant if I were to get on vrchat to comfort him, it would most definitely lead to him asking me if I could make him feel better in a sexual way. I told him he's going through a lot and that he needs to settle his feelings and everything before reaching out in this way because he's hurt and vulnerable and this is him rebounding. One day I mentioned off the bat I don’t want anything sexual, that I just want to chill with him. It spiraled immediately into him being in disbelief wondering why I’d even say that. He even went to a friend to complain and be upset that I would ever think that. That it hurt him to think I would assume that’s what he’s trying to get out of me.
Unfortunately, this set the tone for our future interactions.
Asking for intimate comfort:
After a long time of listening to him and comforting him, it started getting to the point where he’d randomly ask me to make him feel better or help him find sexual release. It most always came in two forms. Either he was very down and had a bad day and was requesting I make him feel better, or he was confidently asking me after a good day if I wanted to because he was feeling himself. It never felt right, and he would constantly ask me to help him relax or feel good all of the time. He would say he understood, but then immediately the next day or a couple days after he would ask again. I said yes sometimes, because I would just get tired of dealing with the constant asking. I was afraid he’d drop our friendship. I was afraid of him. Every time after he would say he was sorry and ask if I really wanted it. This proves he knew he was harassing me. He would say it didn’t seem like I was into it. I wish I had just told him no bluntly instead of engaging, but it just didn’t feel easy for me to confront him on it. I did not want to do stuff, and I told him I wasn’t feeling it several times. He would always say okay and that he understood, but he would just keep asking at later times checking to see if I wanted to.
He most always apologized after for making me feel weird. I got really tired of the random requests to do sexual stuff. It was exhausting always having to explain. You notice in the screenshots below that I tried to change the subject a lot. That’s how I handled it. It wasn’t the best, but confronting him felt impossible. He would often make advances towards me while he was streaming.
He even started asking why when I said I didn’t feel like doing sexual acts with him.
He did this a few times. In the call he would ask me if I wanted to do stuff. I’d say I didn't want to. So after he would always profusely apologize and say he didn’t mean what he said. Or this weird instance where he said he didn’t mean it. He wanted to see what my reason was. He told me he wanted to see what I’d say to see if he was desirable or not.
He’d constantly ask if he excites me, if I have feelings, if I find him attractive. I just didn’t like that he would put this pressure on me to answer these things especially considering I knew in detail what he was going through and how he felt. I explained how I said things sometimes because I felt pressured to under the circumstances and didn’t want to hurt him. I realize now he was doing this same thing to multiple girls simultaneously. He at one point asked me out and told me his feelings in a call. He told me he loved me. I found out he told so many other girls he loved them at the same time. It was really stressful and I had told him I didn’t want a relationship before. Turns out he asked other girls, even within the next few days, if they wanted to be romantically involved with him. Naomi was asked out right after he asked me within a few days. He also said he was on a break from his girlfriend. He'd also constantly remind me "All I've ever tried to do is help you." He would say this most times I had the strength to confront him.
He wanted me to tell him who I was intimate with and I didn’t want to. There was a day after my stream where someone had shown him personal info of mine. He demanded from my friend that she show him proof that I was speaking to someone. He called me very upset and said that I had lied to him. This was the call he told me that he loved me for the first time, and I couldn’t believe that he would put that pressure on me after disrespecting me and my privacy so badly. That I didn’t tell him who I was intimate with. I told him we are NOT in a relationship and he does not have the right to know that. I was extremely put off by this conversation, and started to feel like he was someone I couldn’t really trust anymore. He said he was really sorry and hoped I could forgive him. This led to some of the most shitty parts of our friendship.
He started going behind my back and confronting any guys he thought I was talking to. If I mentioned hanging with them or not. He would approach the guys, tell them that he had feelings for me, and asked their intentions with me. This is extremely wrong and breached even more of my privacy. People started distancing themselves from me. It really sucked and I lost a lot of friends. A couple of people approached me and let me know what was happening. He would check the vrchat list, see I was on and assume that I was with people saying “Have fun with so and so.”
He had absolutely no shame in this when I confronted him about approaching guys behind my back. He said it was their fault for being weak and not talking to me anymore. He would constantly ask me if he was my closest friend. He didn’t like if I was getting close to other guys that weren’t him. He explained to me that he did this because I wouldn’t tell him who I was seeing and he had to know, so he asked the guys he thought I was seeing. He called me and lectured me that I get too close to people too quickly. That he had to know for the integrity of his games if I was seeing someone in them so that there wouldn’t be drama. I just simply wanted to be friends and he made our friendship into something so shitty with his constant invasion of my privacy. Here’s when I confronted him about it.
He told me I had new favorites. He got mad at me for liking their tweets and not his. It was just so much obsession over me and my life.
Here are the current events.
August 25 of this week he said he had to call me. He mentioned being forced to block all of the women he’s had sexual interactions with because his dms were seen. He told me it wasn’t his fault, that it was temporary and that he was doing it to talk to his girlfriend so he could solve all of this. I distinctly remember him saying in the call “You don’t trust me?” “There goes my support.”
Next day Arcadum says “Good news, it’s about the music team.” I was in a call with Arcadum and someone else for emotional support. Arcadum says things are fine, that he’s so sorry and wants to be my friend. He asked me what he could do to prove it to me. He said he wants me back in the music team.
Next day we get in a call with two others and he says she still wants me to be removed and can I wait on the sidelines while he tries to convince her otherwise. I told him I’m leaving. As much as I love the music team and I want the best for them, he has no respect for anyone but himself. He’s made that very apparent with how he has been handling all of this and treated people he claimed to be close to.
There are a lot of details I’m leaving out because it involves his girlfriend and others. This is based on my experiences with Arcadum, and I don’t feel it’s my place to share what he told me about their relationship during all of this. I cared about him very much, and I had no idea the extent of what he was doing. I had no idea that it was all of these girls with similar stories. To put things into perspective, they wouldn’t all even fit in a group chat, we had to make a discord server. I know everyone loves Verum, including myself of course. He did pay me a severance package after he kicked me out of everything. I want to be open and honest that he’s paid me for my work. But I want absolutely nothing to do with him ever again. The longer I knew him, the more pain and paranoia he brought to my life. I've never wanted to make a public post about such personal info of mine on Twitter, but I feel that he is too problematic and predatory towards women to stay silent.
Updates: *Arcadum edited our messages. He's trying to make it look like I'm saying something I'm not. Here is proof. The edited messages display the time when edited in the timestamp.