Speaking out, clearing up lies, speaking up about abuse...

I will be speaking out and setting things straight about some stuff as well as venting about abuse that people have done to me that I was too scared to fully speak up about until now, I have made tweets in the past talking about stuff before but as difficult as it is for me to do this, it has to be done. Around a year ago I made the mistake of letting some bullies and abusers gaslight me a lot. You guys made me think I did horrible things when I've done nothing wrong. When everything happened I was scared of losing friends and when I heard things about me I knew weren't true I thought just apologizing for them to make everyone happy would be the right thing to do for people I thought were my friends and still cared about me but weren't my friends at all and cared nothing for me. I put others before me in a situation where I really shouldn't have and now I don't care what those people think of me. I won't let people lie about me because they don't like me or had problems with me in the past with their toxic behavior. I am standing up for myself because I know I am in the right and I know I have done nothing wrong and have not harmed anyone at all aside myself.

None of those allegations against me were true aside from having a slight thought of having someone I thought was a friend in a lewd pic (WITH HER CONSENT) that never came to be that I chose to go against because I knew she would not be okay with it. If you think just a slight thought about that is a horrible thing then you're a psycopath and need to seek help.

The next situation with Trin who said I talked about lewd stuff with her as she was a minor and I was an adult is also false. I honestly can't even believe I just let her say these things without having any proof of it. I couldn't really remember at first talking with her, but later it came back to my memory, I was 17 aka a minor at the time and my birthday is at the end of the year, so I don't get a year older as soon as the new year starts. I talked with her the very short time that I did, I never even met her in person. I talked to her about cosplay stuff and hanging out with her and her sister at a con. This was over AIM messenger and there was no lewd talk about baths or anything like that. I remember she didn't like me because she thought it was weird I was trans and dressing the way I did and called me "weird" and said "I don't like you". Then I blocked her and moved on with my life, it's honestly so screwed up that someone would say stuff like that to me when I was just figuring myself out and making me less likely to tell others or come out to anyone else because of how they might react and I was right but that's the end of my situation with her.
I have been sexually molested when I was a minor myself multiple times which I've never told anyone but feel like I have to now. It makes me sick to my stomach to have anyone think I would do anything remotely like that to someone. It's a horrible feeling, as the victim you don't know what's going on and being too afraid to stop it makes you feel worse about yourself and you're too afraid to tell anyone about it as well.

The picture HapticNoise posted on twitter trying to say I sexualize 11 year old video game characters is just not true, I still can't believe he hated me enough to fake something like that, the gasm emote was an 18 + character and I'm pretty sure the picture is altered, and it's ironic because I'm pretty sure him and his friends follow OOT streamers that have gasm emotes of Malon from OOT who is 10 years old. That was the dumbest thing said about me and if anyone honestly took that seriously then I feel sorry for you for being so gullible.

I'm going to address the SFL ban list that I'm on right now. I've already gone over the 2 main things they say about me on there that are not true. Kino writes that there has been a "history of conflicts involving her" which is just when him and his friends bully me and gaslight me for trying to stand up for myself. The last thing he talks about is sexual stuff that other people have asked to keep private. This is about a lewd Censored photo I accidentally sent to Dath who it was not meant for. Although I caught Kino lying when he told me it was dick pics which is the part of my body I hate and would never send to anyone randomly. I told him what it was and that it was an accident, however he says that Dath thinks it was on purpose, but then later Dath tells me he believes it could have been an accident. So there was no "dick pics" Kino lied to try to make my situation worse and when the TO of your region does that there's really no one you can go to for help. Dath also told people about the picture I sent him, when I clearly told him not to show/tell anyone about it. The list was made with a panel of people who've bullied me or stalked me so it's 100% biased against me and shouldn't hold any merit, not that I go to events anymore, I stopped a year before anything even happened last year I was already done and tired of the bullying and harassment. SFL is just too toxic and one of the worst places out there.

My part in the SFL Ban List: https://hosting.photobucket.com/images/kk94/Xaltis/SFL.png?width=450&height=278&crop=fill

Conversation with Kino: https://hosting.photobucket.com/images/kk94/Xaltis/Lie_1.png?width=450&height=278&crop=fill

Conversation with Dath: https://hosting.photobucket.com/images/kk94/Xaltis/Lie_2.png?width=450&height=278&crop=fill

My reaction after accidentally sending the pic to Dath: https://hosting.photobucket.com/images/kk94/Xaltis/Accident.png?width=450&height=278&crop=fill

My experience with SFL/FL Smash as a transgender woman and the abuse I suffered.

By now I'm sure tons of people have heard of how bad of a place SFL is in the Smash community, I've seen it on different twitlongers and my experience was terrible as well. Even before I came out as transgender and before Smash 4 came out I was bullied by people like Nick Riddle who constantly kept taking hats I was wearing and throwing them on the ground or doing so kind of harm to them when I constantly kept telling him to stop, destroying other property of mine, and in general being a jerk. I also got made fun of for changing my tag, people kept calling it dumb/stupid even our TO so there was nobody I could go to for help. Stuff like this constantly happened and anytime I stuck up for myself I was gaslighted by people. This didn't stop after I came out as transgender as him and other people kept using the word "F*ggot" around me when I told them that made me uncomfortable and to stop, only to get the response "we don't mean it in that way so it's okay". Not wanting to "cause drama" as they would say by speaking out about my feelings I just accepted this and let them do it while still being uncomfortable about it.
I've still suffer from the horrible memories of things that were said and done to me, I tried doing sex work for a bit and I'm still not sure how but some people from SFL found out. I heard from someone that a certain person and his girlfriend at the time would stalk me and watch me on cam sites which made me terrified to be around them. I'm not naming them cause the person who told me didn't actually have proof that they did this.

This wasn't the only time I was stalked and watched online from someone in the community, after one of the CEO events I learned that Riot Lettuce did this and actually screen shotted photos of me and showed them to other people in person at events, and I only learned because someone showed me this thread on twitter, then I believe one or two more people told me about it.

Link to thread: https://twitter.com/_noradrenalin/status/1135618453832908801

Picture for reference: https://hosting.photobucket.com/images/kk94/Xaltis/Riot_1.png?width=450&height=278&crop=fill

You can't imagine how terrified I was about being around other people after this happened, my privacy was invaded yet again and this time I was being made fun of for it, I already struggle greatly with body dysphoria mainly my lower half, back then it was more of my whole body, but I still wanted to try to do that type of work.

NOT ONLY that there was a third time the Smash scene invaded my privacy about me doing that kind of work. Around 4 years ago I'd say, I could be off, someone from SFL announced they were going to be doing a roast thread where everyone could roast each other. Seeing this terrified me so much cause I had a feeling someone would say something about my private stuff. The thread starts and I don't say 1 word in it but just watch, everyone is just roasting each other about Smash skills/gameplay, playful stuff. Suddenly I see a freshly made FaceBook account post in that thread saying something like "Hey did you all know Xaltis has a adult twitter and here's a nude from it!" then linked my twitter where I posted the photo. I started having a panic attack because my entire community just saw something I tried to keep hidden from them and I had no clue how to act so I just said nothing, I let the post get deleted but that didn't stop everyone from seeing it.
The thread ended after that, but of course later down the line I was shown group chats of people making fun of me for doing that type of work, one thing I still remember was seeing Snorley say "Is it even okay for us to touch her?" like how horrible of a human being do you have to be to say that about someone after a traumatic thing just happened to them? Later down the line he also told me "Go kill yourself" after I said he should get better at Smash after trash talking so much about the game. Telling anyone trans person to "go kill themselves" is such a dangerous thing to do because we're already constantly suffering and some of us have severe depression.

Sexual Assault/Abuse at Major Smash/Speedrunning events

I've been sexually assaulted or forced to do sexual acts I didn't want to as well at major events over the years. Some of this being people who helped me get to events if I would have sex with them and I was so desperate to go to events I agreed to it, only to change my mind later at the event because I didn't feel comfortable but also offered to pay them back the money they gave me. Sometimes I was successful at this sometimes they kept pressuring me and I just didn't know what to do other than what they asked. I always felt horrible after it but tried to make myself believe it was okay as long as I got to go to these events when I should have told someone but I didn't because I was too afraid of being made fun of and bullied again.

Both Smash events and Speedrunning events had parties I would attend, and at these parties I've been touched inappropriately multiple times at multiple parties. My ass being grabbed or smacked without my consent. Pressured by PrakCity to kiss when I told him no but he was too drunk to wanna listen. He was trying to kiss everyone that day and I already made my allegations against him before in the past. My first SGDQ event I was drinking with Banjo Kazooie runners, we were hanging out in a room, it was late like 2AM and I accidentally fell asleep on a couch. I woke up a few hours later I think, and I was alone, I'm not sure if anything was done to me or why they left me passed out. I just went back to my room and went to bed feeling scared about what might've happened. The next morning of that I was very depressed, it was horrible.

Apparently I didn't learn my lesson, after that event the next one was AGDQ, everything there went fine but the next SGDQ I went to more parties where I got touched and grabbed without consent, but the last night of partying in a Banjo Kazooie runner's room we've been getting drinks from a cooler that they mixed stuff in all week and it was fine but on this night, something tasted very off about it. I thought I was just getting tired of the taste of alcohol or they put a fruit juice in there that I just didn't like as much. I drank a good amount to try to get rid of my depression from being touched and kissed that week, I started feeling weird not long after I drank and usually I don't feel drunk till pretty far in. I immediately called one of my roommates to come get me and bring me back to the room. From what I remember I was passing out on the way back but him and another friend at the time got me back to my room, he brought the cup I had back as well. I woke up later still dizzy and all our roommates/friends were in our room at the time. They told me they tried the drink I had and it definitely had Nyquil in it which explains why I got so messed up from it. I have no clue why that was put in and from what I was told it's very dangerous and could kill you. I was drinking spiked drinks without even knowing it and I'm lucky I'm not dead from that.

All of this has been heartbreaking to write, I've been crying all day and unresponsive to anyone, I kept thinking of good times I had with some of the people who betrayed me and wish things were different, and if any of them read this, I always welcome a friendship, if I have you blocked on social medias there's always a way to reach out to me if you'd like to talk, apologize and try to make things right. I wish everyone could just get along and nobody could get harassed in any kind of way. This was very difficult to do and I wish I did it sooner. Thank you for those that read this all the way, if SOMEHOW you have anything negative to say to me about this, it is not welcomed. I'm tired of the bullying, and I am tired of the harassment, it HAS to stop now.

Reply · Report Post