So basically, what this is gonna be about is the following:
- How winning FNCS affected me mentally, in both positive and negative ways.
- How maybe aiming too low could've caused this
Lets start with, I won an FNCS in Chapter 2 Season 6.
Before FNCS I had set myself a very humble goal, I said "I want to get my mom out of her debt". At the time that wasn't a huge amount of money, so winning FNCS wasn't even necessary to accomplish that goal.
This goal came to me whilst driving in my moms car, and her telling me how she wishes to get out of it, and how she's being affected by this mentally. I of course found that really sad, and wanted to do everything in my power to help her. So i started... I grinded everyday, streaming most of it.
I grinded everything I could, customs, Kovaaks, creative etc...
A few months down the line, and Queasy Trulex and I are qualified for Grands, I actually was very comfortable and confident that we're gonna do good. At the Wave Bootcamp I said we're gonna get #3.
So now lets skip after FNCS, I won FNCS. I felt amazing. Everything in my life started clicking. Everything fell into place.
Now with all this money i for sure helped my mom and dad out. They both covered all of the debts, and I made sure for them to treat themselves aswell. <- (best feeling by the way)
So, everything that happend thus far was very positive, nothing that affected my mental for the worse.
But, where the negativity comes into place isn't something you'd expect, It isn't me getting hated, or the "#freejur3ky" bullcrap. It was actually me not knowing what's next, I wasn't as hungry. I didn't have the drive I had when I was striving to be the best. It all just faded away, as if it was never there.
I was quite lost and didn't know what to do, I wanted to grind and play, but It all felt so boring and meaningless. I didn't show up for customs, I threw kovaaksing in the bin, pretty much the only thing I did was crank in creative.
I'm actually still struggling with this, I'm not AS motivated as I used to be, but I'm actually doing ALOT better. With the help of a few friends, and being able to rely on them, for them to give me tips and advice, I've almost conquered all of this.
So what could've caused this?
I think It was my goal, my goal was way to simple. The goal was so easy to reach that no matter the placement, If it was $5k+ I would've fallen into the same place. So what I've learned, make up silly dreams. "I will win world cup" or "I will get 10k average viewers on Twitch". Something so silly that you almost can't believe it yourself, but this way you won't reach it in a month, 3 months, or maybe even a year. It'll take you time. This way you can keep your fire burning, this way you won't ever be "satisfied".
This was the negatives I felt, I don't know how it was with my teammates, I don't know how it was with past winners. Just know, aim for the moon, if you miss you'll end up in the stars :).