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I've been stuck in such a depressive unhealthy cycle for like 3 years. The scariest part is its hardly felt like a year has passed in my head. So many days, weeks, months just wasted hardly even existing, so much so that my brain cant even account for the time that passed.

Its been so long since I've had any drive or motivation. Any hobby I had fell by the wayside and became a chore to me. Now even when I was streaming everyday I wasn't the biggest social media guy. Posted updates about the channel and what not when I would remember but never really shared more than that. I don't really have a point to this post other than I hope it helps someone. I never enjoyed posting stuff like this, too much unwanted attention and I like staying on the DL. It has almost felt like I've been living in my own personal hell for years now but something always keeps me moving forward. I guess this ones for anyone that wondered what happened to me, or just anyone that has felt like this too. Even with no direction or idea of what to do with my life I still wake up everyday and try to move forward. The progress isn't even palpable somedays but I know its there.

Sorry I stopped streaming and vanished for so long. A lot of people supported me and looked to me for some sort of escape and I betrayed that loyalty and support. I felt I had no other choice, something in my life had to change otherwise I feared I may no longer be here.

This may be my only serious post or even update about shit like this. I'm still pushing each and everyday for a better life for myself and I hope someone reading this finds some comfort in not being alone in the fight.

I know its temporary, the pain, the craziness, the suffering. I also know what I'm capable of and I hope I can make it there before my flame dies out.

So if you've watched my channel or supported me in anyway, thank you. I don't know if Ill be fully committed to streaming again but lets just have some fun with it for now :)

Here's to brighter days

-Chad

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