Taking a break from esports
As you might notice from the title, I have decided to take an indefinite break from esports as a whole. My contract with Giants has been mutually terminated and, I believe, we at least have parted on good terms.
I have learnt a lot in the past 4 years working in esports about myself, working with other people and the game as a whole and I have met some of the most incredible people in my life from this scene. Werstef, Noodlez, Aschente, Fittle, Massi, Machuki and Simpy are just some of the names that have had a resounding impact in my life and thanks to whom I have grown as an individual. I owe to them and the rest of the people whom I have not mentioned by name (you guys know who you are <3) these fantastic years.
I also have to give a lot of credit to the two (three actually) amazing organizations that I have been a part of in the past few years, namely Samsung Morning Stars (formerly Inferno Esports) and Vodafone Giants. My experience with them was nothing short of stellar and even though I haven't managed to win a trophy with them, the road along was good enough for me.
Now, on to the main point. My departure from Giants and the indefinite break comes from a very bad split, where we failed to even make it to EUM. That's not acceptable by the standards of the team and by my own standard as well. Hence I decided to leave the team, because I despised my own motivation and impact over the split, where countless times I felt like I let down my coaches and team. For this I apologize humbly, even though I know it won't make up for the lost games and extra stress put on them. Over the previous year I starting losing my motivation in being an analyst or working in esports overall as I had to decide between a career in esports and a career in software development and remote work as an analyst wasn't really that interesting or motivating to do anymore. That together with me having my severe mental health issue resurge because of the extended lockdown and inability to interact made me decide that I couldn't continue in esports for the time being as I would just be a huge drag to whichever team I joined. I know this is not a good excuse for my poor performances and results, yet it is the truth after all.
Lastly, I don't know if I'll ever come back to esports. Maybe one day I will or maybe I'll just never return. It all depends on myself, how I improve my health, how I fix my motivation issues and my career opportunities. I am still working on a side-project in the meantime meant to be a data dashboard for statistics in league from scrims/officials/etc that can help any coach or staff in general in the preparation from game to game. It's still in early dev so I don't know when I'll launch it but I'm aiming for an end of 2021 now that I reevaluated my feature list.
A last thank you to Samsung Morning Stars (Massi and Life) and Giants Gaming (Senor Lozark, Xavis, Fearless and Attila) for trusting me in my endeavours. I will never forget you for your kindness. <3