Regarding Saturday’s Stream
Friends, fans, and followers:
It felt important to me that I say something, publicly, about the clip floating around from Saturday's stream. If you know me, you know I've never had anything like this happen... Different people have given me different advice on how to handle things, but this is my honest response.
I know what the clip sounds like -- I've watched it a hundred times. But I was also there. I can't tell you how to feel, but I can tell you I didn't say the n-word. I don't use the word. It's not in my vocabulary. Ultimately, each of you that trust me with your time and support will have to look at what you know of my character and decide if you believe I'm being honest here. If you watch my stream often you know that I stutter and speak too quickly, which is something I’ve had my whole life. More than anything, I'm embarrassed and mad at myself that I jumbled my words so bad that I have to write this at all.
Also, I appreciate the people out there defending me, but I gotta call out the fact that the “its just a word” argument doesn't work, here. People are right to be upset. It's not "just a word." It’s harmful and hurtful, it's a calling card for past and current racism, and I don’t condone using it at all. Today, I took some time off of stream to talk to people (old friends and new friends) who have specifically dealt with this their entire lives. The thing that stuck with me most from those conversations was the realization that no matter how much I learn, or think I know, I won't ever understand what it's really like. And that's humbling. To anyone who took time out of their day, thank you (you know who you are). It's not your job to educate me, and I appreciate it.
Whatever you all decide about believing me, just know that I will continue to work hard to make sure that my stream (my dream job) is a place that welcomes everyone. I won't be perfect, but I'm going to keep doing my best to give you all my best. Gaming has changed my life, and one of the best parts about it is that it's a bunch of people from literally all over the world coming together and having a good time. I would never intentionally do anything to push someone away from that. Yesterday wasn't my best, but I'll try again tomorrow.
See you all on stream, and in game.