People are more interested in video games than IRL drama, and for good reason! We're here to have fun, after all. But I'm also a believer in transparency and being honest.
So I figure I need to say things, and there's a lot I could say! But I'll keep it succinct in under 3000 characters.

I haven't been active for the past couple years.
That isn't to say I've been "idle". Anyone who's following me knows that I've been releasing things. I've got a tabletop expansion, a new game, multiple new gameplay mods, etc. But I haven't been actively around in places and engaging communities anymore.
Why?

2018: Working together with people on private projects turns out to be a mistake; a lot of people I work with are, suffice to say, unpleasant. Unrelated, people are angry with me over how I handle a private server. I end up hospitalized from a separate incident. People are angry that I stepped away for a week to handle the whole "staying alive" bit. I decide to step away from the server permanently. Boy howdy does this piss people off.

2019: A lot of people are angry with me over the Cacowards. Turns out, when you're writing the Cacowards, a lot of people buddy up with you just to get their mod recognized. Lots of relationships and friendships fall apart. Also, I'm sexually harassed this year. Not, like, Twitter-brand sexually-harassed. Like, *actually* sexually harassed--someone does inappropriate things to me, I ask them to stop, they continue. Repeatedly. For months.

2020: Try to take a bit of time by myself to recharge. This was a mistake. You all know how this year went.

And this isn't even going into the IRL stuff. But forgive me if I don't go into that!
I've dealt with death threats, doxxing, petty grudges, and more, all the way back to 2014.
But these past couple years, a lot of things came to a head.

I've found a lot of Doomers are great. I've met a lot of amazing people that are fun, creative, intelligent, and caring.
But if I had to lump the singular "Doom community" together and sum up everyone in it with a label, I wouldn't, because that's stupid and people deserve better than that, But I would say there's a lot of genuinely terrible people that put on a face to the world, but are willing to cut you down if you stand out. There's a lot of people who will like you only so as long as you're useful to them. There's a lot of people who're willing to work behind the scenes to try and work politics. And I wanted nothing to do with that.

Yet, even despite that, I continue to work on things. As I've said before, I've never let myself stay idle. I'm continuing to make things.
And I've never stopped smiling. Creativity deserves to be celebrated, and fledgling modders deserve to be supported. Cringe culture never died--it just became an aesthetic to embrace.
And I'm not going to let myself be stopped on either front.

It's the start of a new year. What will I make this year?
Let's find out.

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