Tuggy 🔮 · @SomeOtterWitch
18th Dec 2020 from TwitLonger
My Truth
Dear Reader,
As I am sure you have seen via Twitter, a lot of former BDG members have posted about their experience with the company. Reading their stories has been heartbreaking. Most of you probably know who I am, but I was a former Co-Owner of Brutal Democracy if you don't. When I left, I dealt with a very personal matter and because I was broken and tired from my time in the organization. When I left, I was too scared to speak out and wanted nothing to do with the organization, but I hoped that things would get better. I later learned that they didn't, and there was a small moment that I considered going back to try and make the difference that I did while I was there, but I remember all the tears I shed. I remembered all the work I put in and how it never made a difference. The bravery and courage those before have shown made me realize I can no longer be silent. It is time to speak my truth.
When I joined BDG, I started as a content creator on their stream team. I interviewed with the Twitch Stream Team Manager (Colonel Vapor), and I was beyond excited. I never thought I would be able to get an opportunity to be a part of an organization; it was a dream come true. I have always been a proactive individual that looked ahead and found solutions to potential problems, and maybe that is my downfall. I saw things within the org that I thought I could really help with, and one of those things was organization. So I showed a willingness to help, and I moved up in rank. I went from Content Creator to Assistant Stream Team Manager as a new Stream Team Manager was put in place so that Vapor could become the Content Creator Director.
My time as an ASM was enjoyable. I ended up doing a lot of the work and felt encouraged to do so, and after a while, I was promoted to taking over the position of Stream Team Manager. Once I was in a management position, that is when I started to realize the disorganization that blanketed the org. I saw issues that may arise, and I wanted to help solve them before they got worse, and maybe that was my downfall, my willingness to help. I worked closely with Vapor at that time, and he taught me a lot, I will not deny that. BDG provided me the opportunity to learn and refine my skills. But they took advantage of my willingness to learn and my devotion to my work. I went above and beyond for an org that was really just taking advantage of people, including myself.
While I was the manager of the Twitch team, I was met with many difficulties. There was no structure to how they kept information, so I made a spreadsheet to track everyone's progress. I wanted to help them grow, so I kept track of their stats and sent progress reports. I was not perfect, and I know sometimes they were late, or I struggled to meet with a few because of conflicting schedules as I was still working a full-time job. I tried my best to lead my team. To get them to support one another, give them tips, and just be there if they ever needed anything. I conducted meetings once a month to get everyone that was available to bounce ideas off of one another and keep the family atmosphere that BDG promoted. I also was required to interview and scout new members.
As said earlier, BDG wanted to promote a "family" atmosphere within the org, but what "family" charges its members for the price of a dream? I was told we needed to make a certain amount of money from the affiliate members since they paid a monthly fee to be a part of BDG. On the surface. I was praised every time I brought on more people and had a quota every week of how many new members I was to bring on. However, in my mind and heart, the amount of stress I felt made daily tasks seem insurmountable given what I was told to do to these people that only wanted to belong. I thought I was doing good by helping people reach their dreams, but now in hindsight, I was bringing in more people to increase BDG's sordid collection of dollar signs and bottom lines. I had tried expressing my concern that the team was getting too big and that charging people to get sponsored was morally inept, but I was told that getting revenue was the top priority.
I am so sorry I failed you to those who were a part of the BDG Stream Team. I wish I could have done more to make sure you were supported. I fought for you during meetings; I cried and pleaded that I felt you were being scammed at the end. In my experiences, it reflects the state of women in the workplace that seems to reinforce the doom and gloom of modern women's experience. They tell us something we already know – that you will have to speak ten times louder to be heard half as often, and there's no amount of leaning in or wearing shoulder pads that can fix that.
When I was told that the Twitch team was not supporting the team on Twitter or events, I fought for you. I told them you all did your best. I SAW YOU; you all cared so much about everyone. Sure, there were a couple of quiet people, but I was so proud of all of you. Your banners were always done so late or never done. So many of you never got shirts even after I created a spreadsheet to make it easier and hoped after I left that it would get done. To those who were cut I am so sorry I did not try to stop it. I knew the team was too big due to the obsession over money and not the investment of making dreams come true. People were not getting supported, even though the lot of you gave the team your all and still got shunted in the end. It breaks my heart to know I was a part of the pain that BDG caused you. You all deserved better. Every. Single. One. Of. You. You are worth more than the shirt you were promised, the montage videos you were supposed to be a part of. Your support and love voice is louder than the announcements that were never on time and I tried so hard to make sure they were. I wish I could have done more. You deserved so much more, and I know each of you will do amazing things. You are all wonderful content creators, and I hope that you never stop, keep going.
I did so many things at this level to try and make the team the essence of a real family. An escape from the horrors that this year has painted for all of us. I felt it was my duty as a Co-Owner to continue my mission to improve the org. Whether it was due to the love of money, the fact that I was a woman, or some other contributing factor, my warnings that management needed to be more organized fell on deaf ears. They there needed to be more roles since a majority of the shareholders were silent. I was feeling overwhelmed, and I needed help. My plate was full, and I felt myself slipping. I tried to speak to Oliver over this and it was disastrous. I was talked over, yelled at, and was told the org was not big enough for such roles as HR, Community Relations Manager, Competitor Director, etc. I realized that at that moment, I was not going to get the help I would continue trying to hold everything together. I felt lost, I felt tired, and I stepped down as a shareholder because I just could not do it anymore. I did not deserve to be talked to the way Oliver did during that call. I wrote a statement which I can provide. The details within will illuminate in which he (Oliver) mused that he would step down from the position of leadership as some bargaining chip to guilt you into seeing value for the team instead of yourself. Oliver would take actions such as this whenever something terrible would happen on social media or a conflict within the org. At first, I thought it to be a selfless act of accountability, reform, and reflection with the desire to do better. Instead, this is the behavior or someone who manipulates feelings of compassion and empathy and uses it to their advantage.
Along with this statement, I have provided various screenshots that I hope will help you understand what has been going on within BDG and also faith that you will arrive at a reasonable conclusion of your own volition. It is of a reasonable amount of hope that management currently a part of the team is not being taken advantage of like I was. I hope you never had to experience the sexual harassment I did, the lack of respect as a contributing member and woman, and the litany of other issues I faced during my tenure. I hope you did not have to hear or see the discrimination I did as well. Screenshots below will enlighten you. Thank you for reading.