My Truth


I never thought I would have to write one of these. I do not know where to start, what to say, or how. I have no idea how this will be received, but my friends, peers, and the community's integrity mean a lot to me. With all of these things being the case, I figure now is the time, to be honest. My first interview with Brutal Democracy Gaming was going well and seemed promising. I mentioned I was an advocate for disabled gamers in the Fighting Game Community, as I am disabled. However, once I mentioned my disability in September 2019, the interview ended abruptly. I never received a follow-up interview and was never contacted again; I did not think much of what took place. I did not want to think that it was a discriminatory act I faced, so I reapplied to be a part of the BDG stream team multiple times. A month went by, and still no response. So, I DM'ed the BDG team page, and contacted the owner, told him what happened to me, and was signed in January 2020. I wish my story ended there.
Once I was signed, I was told many things that very resonated and assuring. I was told I would be a part of new team initiatives for disabled gamers and help all community members. However, things went silent, but I was always told that things would be in the works. So, I waited, and 'Unsponsored Inc' was established on Twitter, but NOTHING happened in the committee group chat; no further plans were developed. Even though I suggested hosting tournaments for charity to benefit the disabled and bring exposure to disabled gamers in the community, other events were organized, ran, and promoted on the BDG team page on Twitter. It was then I figured, "you brought me on to help bring in ideas to help others in the FGC, but after waiting patiently for months and to no avail, what is the point of me being around?"
Furthermore, that "they were listening to me, that is why they signed them." It felt like it was more of silencing me because, by that point, I was voicing my growing frustration at the teams' promises that never came. To my knowledge, I have not seen the org help them with one idea that has any meaning to them. They only promoted them when they initially signed them. Orgs should sign people because you believe in their ideals, not to placate them and use them to favor "inclusion" from the community.
As time went, time went on; feelings of restlessness, my personal life spiraling due to losing a loved one, as well as this feeling of just being a placeholder on the team, led me to feel like I had to resign. I often spoke to management about my place on the team multiple times. They would say, "you are not a content creator; you are an influencer." However, in my contract, there is no mention of such a thing. Nor was an addendum or updated version of a contract ever sent to me. I spoke with the owner numerous times about how I felt, only to be met with, "COVID is hard for everyone, but we will get through together." He also told me while in a discord call, "If you leave BDG, no other org will sign you." If felt more like he was saying to me, I should be grateful that I was signed and show more appreciation because teams do not sign disabled people. It shook me to my core at the level of manipulation he displayed because often, after our interactions, I felt guilty and ashamed. I only sought to bring my issues to someone that I trusted and believed In, but as a result, it seemed like I was the issue and my feelings invalidated.
During my tenure on the team, it was very frustrating, especially seeing the effort the owner put into their projects, but little to none in projects that I felt could help the community. When I asked to resign the fifth time, I was told, "No eSports team will offer you an opportunity like this." What opportunity was I given? Each time I wanted to leave, I was met with opposition and told how much I was "appreciated" but had NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT, just empty promises. It was more like love-bombing and twisting of a narrative. I was not being supported in the manner i was promised, my contract was changed without warning, and I was never explained why. I went from Twitch streamer to influencer after voicing my issues with how the team was managing the influx of members. As an "influencer," I never received a product to review or promote, let alone the T-shirt l was supposed to receive initially in my contract. All promotional products went to the same five people. BDG has team members of all sizes, from all over the world, and yet, no one outside of the top five members got anything. I understand this is a business, but when you are told CONSTANTLY. "This will benefit everyone." I realized that many others were just around to bloat the teams' engagement by liking & retweeting the sponsors to maintain numbers, allowing these companies to continue working with them.

In the end, BDG is built on empty promises, bad management, and carried on the backs of good people trying to build up their platform and share their passions. In one of my last interactions with the owner, I told him "you need to be more transparent to the people that are on this team." I also told him "choosing the same people, over and over again to get the perks of being signed is unfair to those that could better benefit from such a thing." Instead, I was told that "it will benefit everyone." But as is the case with BDG, so many mouths, not enough food. In my experience, I can say I was exploited and lied to. I was guilted about my feelings of a lack of purpose, my desire to help the FGC, and also into coming back a couple weeks after I left. I let the owner know what was being said about the team's reputation and concerns about management, to be told it was gossip.
This is my story as an ex-team member of Brutal Democracy Gaming. Thank you for reading for your support and understanding.

#BDGMustGo #FalsePromises

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