Coming out Transgender. Go by Luna now, use she/her pronouns. Bonus 日本語 inside!
Today I’m sharing a big part of myself that I have kept hidden for a long time. I’m transgender. I use she/her pronouns and go by Luna now but will be keeping my in game tag bloodyface for now. The name Luna is significant to me as it’s a name I picked out since I was young. I got it from reading Harry Potter, which is ironic since the author is transphobic. Anyways, the character Luna Lovegood is someone I’ve always identified with. She’s quiet, open minded, believes in weird theories, but is overall nice, kind, and accepting. Additionally, Luna represents lunar or moon to me and as a kid, I’ve always felt a deep connection to space and love our moon.
Also, at the end of this, I typed up a short message for my Japanese fans too! (Disclaimer, my Japanese is limited and not very good)
Now, this is something that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time, ever since I started puberty to be exact. I got approved to start hormone replacement therapy recently (HRT), and so I’ve realized I can’t wait any longer to come out. At this point, trying to keep it in has caused me more stress than the stress of having to deal with some of the negative hate I’ll get for coming out trans.
Also for my streamer followers, this is a big reason why I haven’t been streaming. It’s stressful to me trying to build a following when I know full and well I was planning on transitioning. I wanted everyone to know the authentic me before I continued streaming. However, please give me some time to transition before I start streaming again. I do need to voice train after all!
I understand that this is right before the Worlds Championship, which is why I wanted to come out now. I want to compete as 100% myself which will make me feel much more invested. Part of me also thinks it would be inspiring to be Hearthstone’s first transgender world champion. Also as a side note to casters reading this, I understand that using my correct pronouns might be difficult on such short notice, so try not to stress too much. If you use the wrong pronouns, I won’t crucify you, but I do appreciate any efforts to gender me correctly. To help, I plan on wearing a mask (to cover my facial hair) as well as some light makeup
But what does being transgender feel like? How does one feel their gender or even more confusing, how do they feel like they’re another gender? If I may, I would like to help explain from my point of view.
As a prepubescent child, I played pretend like anyone else. However, a lot of my play pretending was magically transforming into a girl. I had this innate belief that girls are better than guys and I genuinely thought as a child that every guy out there wanted to be a girl. It wasn’t until one of my classmates dispelled this myth when I heard “boys rule, girls drool”, which at the time was extremely confusing to me. I didn’t play with dolls, I didn’t have any extreme girly interests, but I had this weird innate desire to be a girl.
Going into puberty is when my feelings began to get more serious. Experiencing puberty was very hard for me. My voice deepened, I grew a mustache, I got taller, I grew body hair, and I hated all of it. Typical of anyone going through puberty though, right? The part that might’ve not been so typical was feeling like my body was disfigured and how hard it was being seen as a guy socially.
Every transgender or gender non-conforming person experiences gender dysphoria differently. For me it mostly had to do with my body. My mind and body have always felt out of sync and I’ve avoided mirrors my entire life because of it. Of course being seen as a guy was also really hard for me.
As a teenager, I even tried gender nonconforming things like wearing makeup, wearing short shorts, wearing pink, fuzzy socks, trying to hang out with girls as friends more. I was bullied for a lot of this. Not to mention anytime there were rumors about Lady Gaga having a penis, everyone called her a freak and tranny and other derogatory names. It’s truly disgusting how some people treat others. A lot of this led me to wanting to repress my feelings even harder.
I understand for others reading this that may be questioning their gender themselves that it can be hard to distinguish if they’re truly transgender or not. I believe that this is something for each individual person to find out and not something that someone can tell you. I have personally felt very strongly about my gender since puberty, but that necessarily isn’t the case for everyone. Some feel strong gender dysphoria later on in their life. The decision to transition isn’t something that should be taken lightly. In fact, up until 3 years ago I wasn’t ever planning on transitioning. I thought the pain of being seen as an outcast wasn’t worth the pain of having to fake being a guy any longer. That all changed when I met Hollie.
One day she jokingly told me to put her clothes on for fun and I did and she told me how cute I looked. This immediately flooded my brain with all the feelings that I had been repressing, and she was the first person that I eventually came out too. While she was surprised initially, she has been my biggest supporter throughout this whole process.
To all the transgender allies out there, know your support means the world to us. And I am thankful to live in a society that becomes more and more tolerant every day, and I am thankful I have support and I hope every transgender or gender non-conforming individual out there has support too.
Also shout out to my family. I came out my parents and sister last night and they have been so supportive. I feel so lucky. Even if I low rolled being born the wrong gender, I at least high rolled being surrounded by such loving and supportive friends and family.
I’m really excited to finally be able to express myself fully. Expect some more changes in my appearance, but I wouldn’t expect too many changes in my personality. I feel like I’m still basically the same person, but now I won’t be afraid to express how I truly feel. Looking forward to showing everyone the real me and sharing my journey as I transition :)
すこし 日本語 を はなします だから すみません
さて ゆきひら じゃない よ (笑み)
えりなさま か えりな か ルナ です