Hishiko★ヒシコ · @Hishikox
12th Nov 2020 from TwitLonger
My response, reflection and apology
Hello,
You might've heard about me through the recent controversy i was swept in with Gabbi. First off, I'd like to clarify why i posted about this in the first place - I was angry, pango was flaming me in the previous matches but no one said anything about that and when I retaliated for one game, a notable figure told me to shut up as a girl and started saying I have period. I found it totally unnecessary as it was my feud with pango and he had nothing to do with it. He's a professional player and representing a professional team with sponsors, he could've just ignored us both or told me off without bringing gender into the picture and set better standards in pubs.
Not saying I was right, it's also my fault for being petty and continued the trash talking from one game to another and I apologize for that. Aside from that, I also understand that the community is angry at me for my previous remarks in a pub match where i leashed out insensitive and racist comments. I know I was terribly wrong for that since my words have hurt people and I don't have any excuse for that. However, the screenshots being circulated didn't depict the full picture. The players were flaming me for more than 5 matches in a row thus I was driven to the point of anger in which i responded immaturely. Initially, I muted them but they were constantly swapping accounts, as they were boosters boosting accounts in a 5 man stack. They started off with sexist remarks describing the color of my p***y and continued with a barrage of attacks.
Here's the links to the full chats in time order:
1. https://www.opendota.com/matches/5572423781/chat
2. https://www.opendota.com/matches/5568742586/chat
3. https://www.opendota.com/matches/5566181023/chat
4. https://www.opendota.com/matches/5567405713/chat
5. https://www.opendota.com/matches/5573636001/chat
6. https://www.opendota.com/matches/5573715420/chat
Another game that was also being circulated happened quite long ago and it started by them calling me and my friends racist slangs and sexist remarks.
1. https://imgur.com/a/N08vQ77
I believe it's only fair for people to know my side of the story before jumping into conclusion that I was flaming for no reason at all. Now that I've calmly accessed the situation, I promise in the future I will make a good use of the mute button and use my words wisely. I also hope that this issue can raise awareness about the toxicity and sexism that's happening in the game we love. It takes both hands to clap and in order to make Dota 2 a better game we all need to cooperate and do our part.
Once again, I'd like to apologize and i've been reflecting because no matter how much i was flamed I shouldn't have stoop to that level and succumb to their toxicity. It was my fault for that. I haven't been streaming since the start of the year and I would not be anytime soon - atleast until i've found peace with myself and be better person. Thanks for reading :)